Disclaimer

All content on this blog is fictional and any resemblance with actual events are purely coincidental. When you choose to read this blog you also agree to not get offended or try and use any content to defame me as a person or anyone connected to me. If you cannot commit to this agreement you are violating the agreement you agreed to by reading this blog. I repeat that by the act of reading this blog you are committing to this agreement of not getting upset or using content in a way that could be considered an act of aggression. If you cannot follow this agreement I urge you to not read this blog.

onsdag 4 mars 2015

Ingis World of Jeremias

Of my green sites this is the fifth, made about my third child, my second son. Like his brother and sisters he loves cats and animals and has always been very good at taking care of them, making sure the cats gets to eat and feeling very much for them. On this site is some of his own graphics he did when he was much smaller, but most of what's here I've made as it's really my site and you should not look at it and think this is my son's, but it's my site to honor him, just like all my sites for my children are. You can go and look at it here - Ingis World of Jeremias. The oldest graphic on my gift page there is the one above, and when I made that it reminded me of my two youngest children out in the garden with me and the cat beside the boy looks just like the old homeless cat that came to us and slowly were tamed. I think we first spotted him back in 2005 and in 2007 he accidentally mated with one of our female cats, the black smoke longhaired one. Actually he did it twice, as he made one kitty in 2006 too, but it died at birth. In 2007 all four kitties survived and Jer kept one for himself, that was looking very much like his father. 

In May 2010 the kitty disappeared without no trace, but we are pretty sure what happened to him, which is very sad. This winter the homeless cat died of old age in our basement. He started to get tame after the harsh winter of 2009/2010 when it was so very cold and he refused to get indoors. Ever since then he changed his mind and started to let you pet him and stroke him. It didn't take long till he was almost as tame as the rest and a few years later he even wanted to come into the hall and this winter he accepted to go in and catch a mice that bothered us. But shortly after that he fell ill, lost weight very hastily and then died. He must have been very old, though it's hard to know. He did look quite old already back in 2005, so that's my guess. Two of his children still lives with us, a tabby girl and a longhaired boy, and his grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Jer's present cat is one of his many descendants, a black longhaired male. We'd hope the tabby girl, his mother, would have another shorthaired tabby, but all she got was longhaired ones, blacks and one white. Apart from the new kitty not being all too homebroken he seems to behave in his master's room. He's mostly naughty on all other places. 
Most of the free time Jer playes with his computer, so therefore the name of the inside of this site, which you can read on the gifts. Both the two first ones here I've made myself, without using any tutorials, but only some nice graphics. The one below here however I made from a tutorial and used a funny cow tube I found. I made one each of this one to all my children. I always seem to choose earth colours to graphics and pages I do for Jer, like sand, brown or mossy green. That is the colours he likes so that's why. Another thing he really liked as a small child was lions, which of course are very big cats, so I've put lions on the first entrance site. But now Jer is a big young man and there is no interests in lions anymore, but of other matter. That's how it is with the young ones, they grow up too fast and before you know it those walks over the fields are gone, there are no more skating by the creek and biking trips to buy ice cream by the lake. All that is memories of sunny days and green forests filled with blueberries. We've done alot of fun things despite being skint all the time and we've always stuck together as a family. 

I choose to stop working after his baby sister was born and Jer was just a little boy not much more then 3½ yrs old, so he pretty much grew up with a stay at home mom. And even before that I had only worked less then half time and a couple of months I had studied in between. That was when I got pregnant and had to drop out due to the severe morningsickness, which was more like total sickness. When I compare my children the youngest one always had a stay at home mom, though she was allowed to go to daycare a few hours a week to get to know her new schoolmates, just like Jer did when he was about four years old. Jer had been pretty upset over me leaving him when he was small to go to work a few hours and it was hard to find someone he liked that looked after him. That was cause he only knew me and was not bonded to anyone else then me for the whole first year of his life. His dad was almost never at home that year as he both worked and studied and it took all his time, even though I don't think it was two fulltimes, but more like 150% or perhaps more. Still he rarely made it home and I cannot remember him ever looking after Jer up till he was around 8 months old.   
This is the reason in my opinion that Jer was so very bonded to me and didn't like anybody else touching him. He only wanted his mommy, but we did find a good carer called Monia, whom he really fancied. It all went really well with her until Jer was 3 years old and she got a new baby to her bunch. That was when she wasn't all focused on Jer anymore and of some reason he went back in his development, as before that he's been totally dry for almost a full year. That was so frustrating as every time I went to pick my children up the poor little boy had wet himself before we came home. So obviously no-one checked him like before or he was reacting to the new baby, as children are known to do that when a new baby arrives. The doctor I spoke to about it even suggested that it was my new baby that's caused it, but she was not even showing on my belly when it all began. I should really not tell about this, as it could be dead embarrassing, but it's apparently a common problem that children starts to feel insecure when a new baby arrives and the regression is due to some kind of reaction cause of that. It's not likely physical, but a mental thing. Some kind of stress perhaps.

Apart from that problem there was not much, even though he did get a bad tummy easily. I later on realized it most likely was the milk. He often could not sleep at night and screamed alot. He also suffered for a long time of night scares, where he started yelling really hysterical in the middle of the night, but when you got there he was still asleep and you could not reach him. That was pretty scary as he sounded frightened half to death. People still don't really know what that is, or why certain children get it. Of my four children Jer was the one most haunted by it, while the others had other peculiarities instead going for them. Nothing too strange I should say, as I've found out I have unwanted relatives stalking my sites trying to find filth on us they can use to put us down. Don't know if they'd bother with this kind of old stuff, from the childrens earlier years, but I know they love to pick up new stuff about them they can twist and turn like they are hopeless monsters and I'm some kind of useless monster mom. These relatives I hope soon will be ex-relatives as we are in the process of divorcing them. It might take some time yet to get it totally and after that it most likely will take a few years until they get that it was a divorce. They sure are thick and really dumb, those unwanted prats.
I choose to do a graphic to Jer with this cute tabby cat as he reminded me of Jer's cat that went missing. His name was Eldarin and he had a white belly and a funny tail as he was born with a somewhat shorter one. I made the frame from a tutorial, but did the most outer part round instead. Below is another graphic that was so cute and I just had to put in the game room, or the wild game room, as it's and elk and elks are pretty wild and they are often also game to hunters. It's supposed to be an elk hanger on a wall in a cabin. I put the christmas frame around it as it fitted the red knitted hat on the elk's head. I've tried to not put up too girly stuff on this site and instead bringing in some funny ones instead, like the cow above and the elk here. But as you can see below it's been hard for me, so there is lots of pretty gifts that Jer would never have choosen himself. That's why I say that this is not a page I've made to him, but my page I've made for myself about my son, so it's filled with my love for him and not of his stuff, but I have snagged a few of his stuff, like I said, and put up for display. 

Recently my oldest daughter, who's a mother, told me that a child needs more then one person they are bonded with from infancy and early childhood, but as we had a very poorly economy, due to events beyond our control, the childrens father had to work and study from Jer was just born and his first three years. Shortly after that his baby sister was born and their father had to move far away to work and we hardly saw him in a  year, before we could join him. All that made the children mostly bonded to me, though the oldest girl is very close to her father. We can always play the "if-game", but it's true that if I'd been helped when I needed help by a family that could had helped, everything would had been differently for my children. Shortly before I was to give birth to my first born my mother all of a sudden filed for a divorce. She'd lived seperated from father for several years and she had inhereted a small fortune a couple of years before, so there were no reason what so every for her to do that. She had no new man in her life and no intent on finding any, but her only reason was a lack of money, which does not add up with the reality I now have figured out. 
She'd tried to blackmail father into accepting to give her half of everything he'd worked so hard for, while he paid and took care of all the costs of our household. She lived for 25 years for free with him, keeping all her earnings to herself and he'd worked beside his ordinary job for years to buy the family farm. He took care of us children, all household work and then he slaved with renovating several houses to get money to buy up the farm so he could fullfill his dream of retireing on that farm and live off it in his old age. His dream was too that our mother would join him, now that her mother had passed on. He thought she'd come back to him, but truth was she never intended to. She watched and waited until he'd bought up the farm, saved alot of more money, made some money on the farm and built a whole new house on the farm. Then she struck and demanded half of everything. When he refused to give her that she filed for a divorce and she did not one second give me and my coming baby one thought. She crushed father just before he'd have his very first grandchild and she took away as much attention as she could do from me.

By the time the second grandchild was born just before Christmas that year the divorce was done and father was greatly relieved as he by a hair managed to keep his farm, by giving her everything else, more or less. During the early year of 1992 he had to transfere all his fonds to her and shortly after that the economy crashed here and lots of young families, like mine and my oldest brothers, with new houses and small children, went bankrupt due to the ordeals the banks bestowed on them. The interest rates skyrocketed, sometimes as high as 35%, which no normal family could carry. Inspite of fathers wish to assist he could not do anything until a couple of years later, when he equally gave all his children, inspite of need or children, the same amount. At that time I was pregnant with my third child and my oldest brother had two small ones. The youngest daughter had a toddler and were married since a couple of years, and they had escaped the crash in 1992 totally unharmed. The younger son had just married and with the help of our mother found himself and his new bride living by the sea in a lovely little house. 

Still father fairly gave without concern for who'd were greatest in need, so to be honest I really cannot understand these deciciouns today, as a parent myself, as clearly mother were helping some, and others not. This same year our youngest sister also tried to make father sign a will, where he was to give her a house to the worth it had in 1992, after his death. Father refused to sign the will and in December 2014 three copies of this will was found in a desk drawer in fathers house. What he did sign that year was however another agreement, which most likely he authored after he rejected the suggested will. On the will he'd changed the amount our sister wanted the house for to the double, but still he did not sign it. Up till today she, mother and our second brother are swearing on that father signed the paper where the house was to be given at the smaller value, which I have no recollection the actually signed agreement stated, and the change of the will also suggests was strongly against fathers actual will. Everything points to the reality we have predators in our mists, whom hold family bonds, honesty and honour very low. Predators and free loaders like our mother, who is an expert at framing others for her own wrongdoings.

To be truthful I'm the person who never complained to father about anything, nore did I ask him for money or pretended I was in more dire need then I was. I'm the kind that will not speak about such issues until it's very dire indeed and even then I will be brief. That description could not be applied to the entitled ones, whom seem to go under the moral that you can bully and nag until you get whatever you want, as they deserve it. However great envy will they hold if some other does what they always do, which I find very weird. I could understand that someone like me who rarely asks for anything and would never nag if rejected, would find it unfair if someone asking many times for special gifts would get such, when others do not. But the green, obvious envy them two special ones showed when they made it up like the oldest gotten far more then them was horrible. No way was it even true, as he honorably put all his gifts out in the open, while them two with hold what we could not prove ourselves. The younger brother kept his gob shut about all the bills father had paid for him and as they were so many and small he made the lawyer delete them all, and by that magically making more then 100 K disappeare. God knows how much the sneaky, greedy sister managed to vanish from our eyes, as the lawyer were hired by her, and paid by all of us. 

The source of true envy is that which does not really ground itself in reality. It's coming from pure malice, where the envious cannot appreciate others right to their fair and honest share, but conciders anything equal as unfair to them, and will conceal and lie to make sure there is no such thing as equality. So at the tender age of 20 our very envious and greedy sister seems to have used fathers sadness due to the divorce to con him to "give" her a house, which ment alot to the favorite son of our parents. He was truly their sweetheart and darling, and there is no doubt about it, so if someone would accuse his older brother of envy due to this fact that accuser is nothing but a liar and defamer. The older brother would have had every reason to complain and show envy, as many were the times he got tormented unfairly and even physically beaten due to errors the darling son had made. If that is not a foundation for rightful recentment, I don't know what is, but still he showed none, and that shows his greatness. Whom are anything but great are those defaming such an honorable man with emotions and actions he's never hold or done. Which is what smearers and liars do, while they themselves are the envious and evil ones.

The santa above was made from a tutorial and I added the amaryllis I draw from another. Above is an image I made to a birthday site for Jer and apart from the Scorpio are it's the same as the tutorial. Below are a flower I made up myself entirely, and it's a fantasy flower all together. Coming back to the house our young sister made father "promise" her shortly after his divorce I can understand the envy that must had raised in our golden brother, who loved that cabin so very much and always acted like it was more his then any others. The rest of us thought not much about it, as you might imagine a lonely father wishing his youngest child to come back home again, which seems now was the sentiment this young girl so cunningly used. Four years after this "promise" was made she tried to make father sign the will, but had to settle with another agreement, which did not support her own version of events, but rather what our mother has claimed to me for many years was our fathers claim all this time. Allthough telling me that she kept believing her youngest daughters tales, and concider her ex-husbands corrections of the error as the faulty part. That is how strongly she's under the evil spell of her best accomplish by far, if it's evil you want. 
It took the precious son another five years to have his own cabin, after his sister had finally gotten father to atleast sign some sort of agreement, if not the one she desired. Inspite father already many years before this had offered me a piece of land to build my own cottage, mother told me in 2012 that the only place this special son of theirs could place his. That did not make any sort of sense to me, as I'd rejected the land due to lack of funds and means to even begin to make such an endavour. At the time our family was hardly carrying even the burden of food and roof over our heads, while my husband were both working and studying very hard on his second university education. The first was in economics and this one in computers, learning to program so he'd be able to leave the tax job and start on a private business to develope computer programs. All that while we had little children, one after another, and like I told it was when Jer was born his father began to re-educate himself. So there were no room for us to build anything, as the economic crash in 1992 hit us hard as we just had both bought a house and gotten a child. So my question was - why did not father offer this plot to my brother when he wished to build?

Mother had told me that there were no other space father would allow a house on, but the one their golden son was given. I've pondered this statement long and hard ever since I heard it, and could not make it add up with fathers willingness to offer a plot far off in the northern parts of the property. I would rather suspect father did not want to offer any other spot on the farm yard itself and that is the only answer I can find. I suspect that my oldest brother is very right when he sees that the small cabin was built to be a way in to become the rightful sole heir of the farm, and nothing else, by the younger son. And what has he and our little sister made the lawyer believe? That they are the rightful heirs, and we are not. He straight out has told us this, which means that these two and their only sons are worth way more due to this strategic planning and conning then all the rest of us put together, cause we had not malice towards our siblings, and not the ruthlessness to demand houses and help with getting a place to put all his worldly goods, that he could not bring with him when he left the country. So by having a outhouse to use as his warehouse he changed his adress to the farm and by that making out that this is his homestead. By doing that conning the lawyer he had more rightful claims then his brother and his closest sister, as both of us stayed in the country and moved closer to father, but never pretended we lived with him. It was all mirrors and illusions.
Renting a place to store your stuff in would had cost a neat sum for those 14 years that now has gone by. In my estimation atleast 140 000 kr, which even is more then he claims he invested himself in the building. Renting a proper summer house, like the one our sister claims she's been owing the rights to for more then 20 years, would amount to a sum far exceding 500 000 kr by now, if not much more. It all depends on how much one would calculate a normal rent to be and what the cottage been used as, which in this case was to be rented out to summer guest. A business easily adding an income for each week far beyone the rent, if there had been any rent that is. All of this means that by adding up what each of them in reality has recieved as benifits and gifts their greed and unrightful envy comes even more clear. There I had, by the time the outhouse was built, born father four lovely grandchildren and my husband had worked hard to give his family a better income. We had gratefully taken the help granted to us, when so had been, and never envied and desired what was not given. Still on this day, that is the present, all this envy and greed has been falsly shifted from those it belongs, to us who honorably shared and let others do as they please, as each has a choice.

While my children grew up in poverty in wealth, but richness in love, we had to rely on fantasy and imagination and make up our own adventures. None of their cousins had to rely soley on this to travel to foreign land, neither on either side of the family. I like to make that very clear as such greedy people will make out the most humble and kind to be the ruthless and cruel. That is cause they will not meet the demons that live in their hearts, so they put blame on the innocent. My children were innocent and we lived simple lives, while the falsly saintly lived costly lives with all sorts of entertainments. That's what makes their lies so evil as they take from those that possess the right to own the virtue, and put it onto themselves, like wolves robbing the sheep of it's fur to fool the rest of the sheeps in the herd. When I had once asked my mother to give to Jer the same as she so dearly wanted to give to the golden grandson, she felt reluctant and complained since forever over the cost of giving to my child what he needed for two years, while without a thought gave to another child to use for a couple of weeks.   
The graphics with the battle I made from a tutorial, but choose the graphic to fit to Jer and his love for games and shows. The black and white one above with the playing cards and dices I felt suited as Jer loves to play also these kinds of games. It's made straight out from a tutorial. The cowboy boots and hat I made from tutorials and then I put them into a creation of my own, using some lovely wild horses. At the bottom I put up a funny easter bunny I draw from a tutorial. Remember that I made all these gifts out of nothing, from a cheap computer we've built on our own, like we always do. I created as well as I could a childhood for my children based on values of what is right and what is wrong, and to them to learn to be grateful for the things that life beholds them and treat others fairly. For that is values you cannot buy with money or pompous manors you picked up when pretending to be what you are not. At the end I do hope this will atlast become everyones insight and the foolishness of the pretenders will be no more. Those that tries to rise by stepping on others true riches, lessening others children and others art and creations, are the poorest of them all. 

They are sick of envy as nothing you can buy can be as endlessly fullfilling as the life of someone who has a family that loves and cares for all. These poor envious adult children, who cry over a mother who knows not what love is for, and betrays and stab her own children in their back. These poor sodders know only greed, envy and the need to control what is not theirs to control, as they did when they grew up and could not build love with their family, but stole the little love they found. When I built love and brought care and sunlight to the house, all that the needy could build was control and cries for mommy's care, which never would be. Looking at my beautiful children I see all that I care for and the smile on my last one, the little one, the grandchild, reminds me of the time when Jer was small. All the smiles of the little boy that cared so much for his mommy, and I do care for all of my children, is mirrored in his little sisterson, when he laughs in joy when his granny comes and kiss and hug and play. It's a joy that no spa's or castles, hotels, dream holidays or wines and foods could ever compaired with. All that is boredom and tired comforts for what is true and fills a heart with such greatness that nought can compair.  
So at the end at last we come where I will try and sum up what I tried to reveal here for you. That despite the try of many to take from me the ability to feel joy for what I so proudly created in this world, this quest has failed as the lack of money, debts, struggle and all that has come to our door, could never reach at the core of what holds us all together. No matter what the conflict we'd never turn on each other as others harmed on of us out of spite. If ever any of us would be charmed by a false charmer they'd soon see their errors in their ways, and not hold on to false beliefs of liars, just cause of some false hope they'd earn some favors, like the mother of my childrens mother would. To hold on to what is real and not let deception rule your perceptions are what founds a solid ground to long lasting bonds in a family. That I sure can see in my darling children, that all of them see and watch out for. I do wish them to be wise in their lives and hold the lessons they learn in their memories and try to remember also what they've seen the adults do, and what was wise and what was follish in these actions. There is always lessons to learn from illwilled people who will treat others as they don't deserve, and the lesson is to treat them as they do. To treat illwilled people as the scum of the earth they are.

The wisdom and far beyond their age of knowing and understanding is qualities I have found growing out of the children I once bore. It is not my creation, but their own, as they might just as ill had choosen to walk the paths of their lives as I've seen the others I watched grow up did. The road of superficial desires, shifting their blame unto the innocent and other lowlife "virtues" I'd more then happily see none of my children of my flesh, born from my womb and no other woman's, choose to walk. I so far has seen one child become mother herself and live through heartaches, lethal worries and work hard and reach her goal and become a woman I can trust will do what is right and do no harm to others out of spite. I've seen a son grow up to love a woman, and put his passion to keep her safe the way a man should do. I now am wondering what wonder will come from my younger son, who still is a mystery unread as so often it is when the young is in their teens. They are like butterflies, yet not done inside their cocoons, waiting to burst out and show their own colours when they open up their wings. So there is so much untold yet about my son, who loved his mommy so very much he never wanted to leave her side, but one thing is sure - he is not still that little boy and can do well without his mommy.

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane