All content on this blog is fictional and any resemblance with actual events are purely coincidental. When you choose to read this blog you also agree to not get offended or try and use any content to defame me as a person or anyone connected to me. If you cannot commit to this agreement you are violating the agreement you agreed to by reading this blog. I repeat that by the act of reading this blog you are committing to this agreement of not getting upset or using content in a way that could be considered an act of aggression. If you cannot follow this agreement I urge you to not read this blog.

tisdag 27 oktober 2015

Welcome to Wonderland

After being no contact with my mother awhile I did answer a phone call and it was blatant that she was using her sister's cancer to gain my sympathy, just so she could ask to come and visit. I had however actually already felt it was time to have a total outing with her. So she called and immediately started to tell some horrible story about my poor aunt's terrible fall and how she'd had had cancer a full year. I found that a very odd coincidence as my aunt on father's side had said to my oldest brother that it was our sister who had gotten cancer at that time. Of course she had not. It was mother's sister. Sometimes you don't know with these people if they are making up absolute new stories after hearing the correct things, or if someone is actually filling their heads with crap. At the same time as our sister was said to have gotten cancer, according to the aunt, our mother said to the same brother she had changed her will. And recently I was told by this aunt that she'd take us siblings out of her will. Thinking back I'm not sure she ment all of us, or just the two honest ones. I would not be surprised if she feels that lying and conning should be rewarded as I honestly don't know how any of these people think. If they think at all. 

After mother had told me the whole, sad story about her sister she asked how it was going with her dog she once dumped on me and never came and got back. So I told her she was diagnosed with cancer this January and that I'd had surgery made on her, but that she still had the cancer and was getting old. And that part of course gave her a perfect excuse to ask to come and visit, as it is her dog even if she's not cared doodlings for her these last 3½ years, since she dumped her. The pretence was therefore she'd come and see the dog one last time, and I said that was ok, as I'm not a total prat. That was just some day or so before she suddenly phoned and said she was all packed and on her go. I was at that time trying to put together a few things that I wanted her to apologies for, as she had said that she never meddled with the death estate after our father, and that she never ever would take sides. So I wanted her to say sorry for that, and a few other things, which seemed as if she'd believed lies about me and run with that, or she'd totally projected over the top false intentions and actions unto the wrong person, or just turned it around so defence of someone else, came out as if it was abuse. I wont go into details here, but the thing is she painted defence as an attack, while the attacker was another person.

So I had a few things I needed to get an apology for, and I wanted her to agree to do that. When she phoned and told me she was already coming I immediately informed her about this. And about a few other things, as she so totally had her knickers on the wrong way, from how screwed up things she believed. Like I have said she's been totally brainwashed by these con artists, and sometimes I wonder if she's not brainwashing herself too. What did happen was that she agreed to sign a written apology, and I then made a draft and hoped we could agree upon something that would make both of us feel as if this was now over with and we could move on from this and all be forgiven. As when you truly are regretful and have understood you've hurt someone, you do apologise. What did happen in reality was that I said I was sorry to her as soon as she arrives, since I was so angry in the phone. And I also said that I did really love her, and she said she loved me too, and then she showed no interest what so ever in apologising to anything herself. She just laughed all my hurts off or claimed she was entitled to treat me and other people this horrible way. She could smear me behind my back and claim falsehood about me, and after talking to her I could hear so many more lies, even lies by omission. 

In the version she's heard, alot of all the deeds and actions we've taken to fairly sort this mess out with everyones honor still intact, had NEVER been mentioned. We found out quite alot of things she's never been told, but as it always is she soon choosed to ignore such things that did not add up with the brainwashing these conners done on her. Or if she's brainwashed herself, as I can't judge for sure who is brainwashing who in this terrible mess. A tangled web of lies it is. I did pick out many lies by mother, and things she's said as if it was true, while she soon after defended herself with not knowing anything. I said to her that why did she not say so in the first place then, instead of stating things that made me look as if I for sure was at a place, at a time, when I was not. Things like that she could not know what papers I or my sister looked at the first weekend after father had died. If she'd say such a thing to the brother in the States, he'd think I was there looking at papers, when in reality mother knows I was not even there, so how can she not know that I did NOT EVEN look at any papers? This is the kind of lies they pull, as stating she does not remember this, makes it look as if I was indeed there, while in reality she's not saying I was there, just that she cannot remember something. 

So the final result was that she could not regret anything of all the things she's taken part in, which she already even a few claimed she never would do, and now when confronted with evidence she had done them, she said she had a right to do. So she felt I was bullying her as I was very adamant on getting this apology signed, atleast in some version of it. And she started instead with the normal narcissistic reactions, which is insulting me again the same way as I demanded an apology for her doing. Which is claiming I'm mental and need to talk with someone who can help me out. Of course to make me furious, as she saw I wanted her to apologize for that very thing. I got mad at her and asked her what an outsider could do about my sister lying? How could a priest help me solve this mess with the estate? It's like totally crazy think! How could anyone make these people magically treat me like a human being? No, they could not. I told her that all they could do was listen to me rant, endlessly in circles, about this and nothing would change, nothing get solved. It would be a total waste of time as the lies would not stop no matter how much I talk to a stranger about it. 

The answer is that it would make me be able to deal with living with it, which is total nonsens. We are not supposed to accept abuse from others. That is not fair to demand of another being, that they should learn to live with horrible abuse in the form of being lied about, defamed as a villain who lies about things and do nasty things. Nobody should have to live with such stigma, put on them by others who want to rid themselves of their own deeds and guilt. That is what mother demands of me, that I accept the lies my sister and brother, and also she, has told about me. Accept them as truth. And I told her I will never do that, so there is no point in me going to some therapist who brainwash me into believing I deserve to be treated this way. It will never happen that I do that, as I think it's them who are framing innocent people and never can take responsibility for their own actions who need therapy. I totally - 100% - think my mother, brother and sister need therapy due to their pathological lying. There you have it. 

The other things mother did yet again, which was already on my list of things I needed an apology for, what accusing me of over the top crimes. She was holding onto two believes at the same time, which is typical of these people. First she thought I should forget about the house agreement, as my sister had left the house. Therefore my wish for her to come clean and admit I never lied about the agreement, and never stolen the agreement, were totally nonsens requests, and it was LIVING IN THE PAST. Then she turned around when I wanted her to apologise for meddling and testifying (to us siblings, not in court as she dreamed up as that will never happen, as what she thinks she knows has ZERO value in a court). Suddenly she claimed that this house agreement was going to court, and that she was going to testify there, so therefore I was making a criminal offence by wanting to obstruct justice, or influencing a witness. I could not believe my ears when I heard the mean and visious things she said to me. I wanted an apology for her meddling and saying I had obviously never read it, as what I claimed from reading it was not what she'd been TOLD 4 years before I read it. 

She had herself, just a few hours before, mocked me for STILL TALKING about this paper. And now she all of a sudden said I was trying to influence a witness. No, I was trying to influence my MOTHER, the woman who is supposed to love me, the woman who gave birth to me, to admit that I am not a liar. But instead she treated me as a criminal and was yet more mean and visious to me, I totally understand why I was half traumatized every second of my upbringing. When I had changed the wordings in my list of apologies, so it could not be interpretated to be about future testimonies to some fictional court, she still would not sign it. Then she said I was doing a SECOND CRIME. Now all of a sudden I was extorting her, and trying to use our relationship in this crime as a bargaining chip. By telling her that I needed her to realize how these things hurt me, and that I needed her to apologize for them, or I could not have her in my life, she reacted as if I was holding her hostage for money. That is how crazy narcissists are. I told her that we could change whatever she felt was wrong with these things, and take out what she did not regret and did not want to apologize for. The end result being that she said that she would do ALL OF IT AGAIN, if she got a chance.

I wont post the draft of the list here, as I made a few ones with her, trying to make her a little bit interested in what she could acknowledge and try to mend. She did not want to mend anything, and she wanted total submission from me. She would not submit anything to me, and not agree to anything. She also, during this, made a third criminal accusation towards me, as she believed I was trying to trick her into admitting things, and that I was going to use that against her. Also that I said she could help me out to word the things so it felt not as if that was the case. But no interest what so ever from her side. And to tell you the truth, there were no mentioning of her defaming me or any other things that would come out as an admition of guilt. There was room for improvements, for a mother who did care enough. But when a mother has so little to ZERO interest in making the slightest effort to gain back the trust and relationship with a daughter, she just don't care enough. To me it was obvious she only wanted me back in the fold, and she only wanted things her way and her darlings way. She was constantly repeating their propaganda and lies, which I'm well aware of, as liars are very single minded. They often want something, and use deception instead of honesty to get it.

Written in June 2015: In my case I asked for being treated with the same respect my mother and golden brother treated my sister with. That is - they totally believed anything she said. When they refused to and instead choose to rather trust her EVEN after it turned out that another person (another brother) remembered the event and confirmed my version, not my sister's, I had no choice but to make them an ultimatume. That was in May 2013 and I told both mother and my brother that I could not keep them in my life if they could believe I'd make this up. And remember - their stance ment that that also claimed the other brother was helping me out, also lying. After this the golden brother has eagerly helped my sister to frame me and the brother who confirmed my version with all sorts of made up crimes. 

Continued: She's also added a few new accusations, most likely all of what she'd done herself, as she once did admit to both me and the other brother a few of these doings. But last summer she denied ever doing them, and said we must had, and the golden brother agreed, though he was not even there. We can prove that we wasn't either, as we had left long before those things occured. I had even left far earlier, as I hardly had stayed atall. It's like our sister lured us to father's house after he'd died, just to frame us for all the shit she did there! And that despite me leaving after only a couple of hours. She managed to flatter her brother to stay far into the evening, but what she frames us for happened during the night and the days after, while she, our mother and the brother-in-law where all there by themselves. That's when mother is "confirming" all their stories, like a nice little follower. 

That is the reason I want never nothing to do with her ever again, as she's been lying so much and lied to me straight out. She's lied about me and my family to others, as mother was the one phoning people telling tales about my mental illness and my abusive husband, to make us sound like wackoes. She filled her golden son in the US up with these tales and he seemed to believe them, or atleast decided it was in his interest to spread them, so he wrote this shit to the court and has been smearing us to "everyone" he claims. It seems like he's on a constant war path to make all their lies "legit" by smearing me as much as he possibly can. And to smear the brother who was actually there, and who knows 100% it's our sister who's the big, fat liar. She's the one holding all the cards, the one we know for sure knows that all she's said is pure rubbish and lies. She knows who is lying, and about what. 

Continued: It's impossible for me to know who believes her shit and only help her out with new lies as they believe we "deserve it" and who knows she's full of crap and only helps out as they are greedy like her. It's impossible for me to know anything 100% about anyone else, as they were not there when the big con occured. Only me, a brother and this sister. Her husband had weirdly made a little tour to get some jumper, or something, and was out a damn long time to do that. He'd told me, before he left, that I was to be told something by my sister. It must had been something far more important then what they claimed afterwards, which was that she'd told me about a missing paper. I had not idea there was a paper, so why even bother mentioning it was missing? That does not make sense to me. However, the reality was that she showed me this paper, and THAT makes a hell of a more sense. I think she was to show it to me and beg me to be on her side in this, but she didn't do that, and I think that was what her husband wanted her to do. That or just what happened - start a hate campaign against me, making me out like a liar when I claimed I'd been shown this paper. 

I do NOT KNOW the reason they showed the paper to me, but I have plenty of guesses. To make everyone hate me, is one of the guesses. To make me upset, sad, depressed, an outcast, and just generally torment me is my best guess really. That since my sister has been speaking about this event for 20 years, before she manifested it. I asked her back then "Who would be so nasty and bully you for getting that house for free?". Yes, who did she plan would do that? Me, of course. She showed the paper to me, as that paper proved she'd never gotten any freaking house. It proved that it was just a lie! So she had to show it to me, so I'd mention this fact, and so she could make everyone hate me for being such a mean bully, who would be so greedy and envious and attack my "poor little sister". What a devious tramp she is. This has made me certain that she's a sociopath. This has also made several other people certain she is a sociopath. People who are involved in this and know that I'm speaking the truth. Either cause they've seen the truth, like my brother, or cause they know me inside and out, like my husband and children. 

Continued: Everyone who've heard the true story also understand she must be some kind of sociopath, as this is not a (real) human kind of behavior. It's evil. She's evil. She knows she's lying about me and she just keeps on doing it, while laughing behind everyones back. Yes, she's laughing when nobody is watching as she loves it. She loves the idea she's causeing pain and suffering to me. That is the true reason she did it - to cause me suffering. That is the true reason she killed that poor little kitty - aunt Brita's kitty - cause it would cause me suffering. It was never about the cat - but about making ME suffer! I was told this by a sister-in-law and I do believe her in this - she's right. My sister only did it to spite me. She also gave away my whole collection of handmade dolldresses only to spite me. I could not believe it and have made so many excuses through the years. She did it to make me suffer. Just like when the evil brother harmed the sensitive brother the same way. It was out of spite he ruined his most precious belonging. 

That is the only REAL reason these demons do anything. They only do these things to harm us, not really to get more money as that is secondary. They rather loose it all, only to see us loose! That is why they do this. They want us to suffer, they want us poor, they want us ill, they want us lacking. They would however rather not suffer themselves in anyway while making us suffer, but they will LIE to us and others and claim they are suffering. That will most likely just be lies. 

End of old piece.

I want to finish off with how mother kept saying that my sister had said it was not about the money, and therefore it was true. And the proof mother had was that our sister had left the house she rented from the death estated in May this year. But wait - she RENTED it from us! So she paid rent. And when she could not get her dirty hands on it for peanuts it was only COSTING her money. So mother's proof about it not being about the money, was proof it WAS about the money. If it's not been about the money sister would had STAYED in the house, in some hope she'd be able to get it. Instead she spun a sob story she could not live without the house, and as soon as we made an offer, and the stupid lawyer actually was forced to acknowledge this offer, instead of ignoring it, like he first did. As soon as she smelled money, she took the offer. Of course not without feigning victimhood and asking for alot of extras. So we gave her another 50 000 in offer, so to greately compensate her and the other brother, for all their wishes. She again agreed to this offer, and shortly after she moved out of the house. This did mother know nothing about. But after finding all out, she reverted back to saint Sister and her good deeds. 

Another good deed is mother-in-law's house. The tale had been sprung for a very long time, that this house was so very precious to my sister's husband. For about a decade they sucked up to the old lady, helped her out ever so often, which resulted in me never getting any visits from my sister, as this had top priority. It was blatant from my sister's intel that this was not only about caring for an elderly, as she was at the beginning a very competent woman. No, my sister straight out told me it was about the house. It was so precious to her husband and he'd been promissed to get it, if he only did all this for his mother. Without blinking mother is now sitting there and telling me they SOLD this house and it surely must had happened very short time after it was signed over to them. The lawyer settling our estate told me ONE YEAR ago that this house was theirs, and therefore I should feel sorry for them, as they on top of a house by the sea, also needed this house in the forest. I want to puke. My pukes are coming up. Yes, mother sees NOTHING wrong with this. NOTHING. It's like she's been taken over by aliens. Where is her brain? 

It's also like a CULT MEMBER would act. I call it the Cult of God, as her original name had "god" in it. She's a goddess to these people and she can do nothing wrong. Mother is turning her head around in circles to make up phony excuses for this bitch. They are just like BOTH my mother AND my father told me when they first met her husband. Mother never could stand the guy and after Operation Lead she was fumigating over him. That was now 6 years ago. Now he's just over-emotional, and there it all ends. She has no recollections of her ever saying anything bad about this prick of a son-in-law. Well, I could had told her already back in 2006 she was right in what she herself was fearing, and then telling me. But mother has been charmed by these con artists, as that is what such people do. Specially to elderly people. There were so many oddities in mother's sudden statements. Like when I was mentioning my granny, on father's side, and was going to say something about when I last time asked my aunt about her mother. Without any reason what so ever mother exclaimed that "there is no monopoly on names". What the fuck? 

That is big time mind control, and that is exactly the same way the laywer behaved when he phoned me. First time he phoned me he repeated a mantra my sister first wrote in a very insulting mail to me, despite me being in my right not wanting to pay 15 000 MORE then we'd agreed on and she made an error. Still she trashed me as "cheap" and shortly after she had her husband phoning us and calling me "cheap" in exactly the same way as in that nasty mail. So her husband claimed I was cheap for questioning me having to pay 15 000 MORE then the price we'd agreed upon, and then it happened that the lawyer said exactly the same thing about this very issue. All so totally obviously under my sister's mind control. The second time the laywer phoned me with these kinds of made up allegations about me, was after he'd met my second brother, and yet again the lawyer repeated a mantra as if it was the truth. But this time it was a projection made by our brother, who claims my aim is to ruin us all by going to court endlessly if I don't get what I want. The truth is that the only one of all of us siblings who ever claimed a wish to do this is this brother himself.

What I was going to say about my granny and my aunt had NOTHING to do with the name, so it's obvious the words by mother was another meme telling others twisted reasons why I am mentioning things. Since mother brought it up I agreed there were no such laws, and that I had felt it was rude that my cousin had claimed she was the only one who could use that name in our family. Of course mother wasn't talking about my cousin, but was repeating a mantra by my sister. As if I was going to name a child to THAT if my sister called herself the same name. How weird would that not be? What these bastards don't see is that my sister had MET ME shortly before she took the name, and she said not one word to me about it. She was my brides maid and she never mentioned her plans to me. If you are just about to change your first name, don't you think you've given it more consideration then just a few hours? Yes, indeed. And as that was one name I was thinking about giving MY CHILD it is obvious to me my sister tried to beat me to it, as she knew I would skip that name as soon as she had it. But I also agree with my aunt, though I refrained from telling mother this part, that my sister's main reason to take this name was to get more into a favorable position with father. But also with others in the family, as that name had so much positive energy for so many. It was a self promoting stunt, and she wanted the name before anyone else got around to it. 

So mother's excuse for all this treacherous and slimy behavior is that it's not a crime! No, it's not a crime, but that does not make it less rude and inconsiderate. If my sister had been a good sister she'd told me her plans and I would not had been crossed with her. I had other names I liked and I much more would had wanted honesty, then deception and lies. Lying by omission, yet again. If you are always playing others as if this was a great game of chess, you might think all these scams and cons are normal. To me they are not, and I did tell mother that I cannot live with people who work this way. It is too traumatic for me to always have to second guess anything they say, as they constantly are using lies in all of their communications. The only good thing about it is that I have had to learn to listen less with my ears and more with my gut. So I know my sister and her husband were never interested in either one of their houses, and that all they wanted was to sell them, get the MONEY to do something for them. It turned out they wanted to buy a new property. By that proving I was right all along, and everyone who've believed my sister's sob stories were bafoons believing a con artist. She and her husband had these plans all the time, and I bet they even planned this back when they tricked the mother-in-law into signing her house over to them. Who knows exactly, but I would never ever believe any excuses their "true believers" make up.

All these selling and buying and then renovating is totally normal to mother. She sees never ever anything weird or wrong or perculiar or negative in what this angel ever does. So there is no problem with them buying this business and doing all of this. She has total confidence in their ability to buy and do things. Then she turns around and totally belittles us. If you would take the educations us FOUR people have and compair it to these two others you'd get a first inclination that something is seriously wrong with mother's believes. We all individually have more education then both of them put together. The second thing is that we are four grown up people, and we have several grown up children interested in country living. We have not failed ever paying off what we own to banks or anything, so to get us in records for those with such problems. We've just not had much money to have fun with, as we've paid our debts. Yes, we've had tough times, but we are honest and good people. We already own half the death estate. So now are you starting to get where I am going with this picture? Yes, mother did not believe we could buy the other half, cause we just did not have the money. She has no understanding how this works and it was clear to us that this tale of our inability to buy the property was also promoted by our aunt. It was not true. The question is if we WANT to buy it - not if we can.

I mentioned to mother a place nearby that had an asking price of 1.9 million and she thought that was giving it away. Which proved to me my sister's place was way more expensive, and also, this place here already had been fixed up and had a restaurant and even a spa. It was an amazing place and had atleast double the number of bedrooms then the place they'd bought. So it was now obvious to me that my mother finds it totally normal that my perfect sister can buy a place far more expensive then this, which may be like double atleast, so say 3.8 millions just for fun. She and her husband sold a house to sponsor this new place. Lets say they got half it's worth from the sold property. They'd still have to borrow money and they still had loans on another property they are trying to sell. In my made up calculation lets say they now have loans reaching to 4.5 millions. Mother thinks that is alright, but she cannot phanthom that we could borrow less then 900 000 for each family, to buy a business of our own. It is all in all only 1.8 million, and she just told me that was nothing. Can you figure all this out, without sharing my opinion that she looks upon us as we were morons, you are welcome. Well, thanks for reading this, if anyone did!

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane

söndag 20 september 2015

Att Komma Över

Alla som begär att du ska komma över andras övergrepp begår övergrepp.
I landet Lagom är det fult att minnas saker och man ska låtsas som ingenting när man ser fulspel riktade mot enskilda personer. Det är duktigt att hålla med och följa flocken. Då klappar sig alla på huvudet. De som kallar sig empater tycker mest synd om sig själva och tar parti för den bästa manipulatören utan att ens ha ett enda bevis för det sagda. Allt skojaren behöver göra är att trycka på den sk empatens egna "tyck-synd-om-sig-själv" händelser ur dennes liv, och direkt tror den självutnämnt "snälle" att det som nu hänt skojaren är samma som en gång hände den själv. En hint där, en hint här, och så lite falska påståenden om andras "mentala ohälsa" och saken är biff. Har du någonsin träffat människor som plötsligt börjar behandla dig som mentalt efterbliven? Som daltar med dig som om du såg rosa elefanter och var helt knollrig? Efter att så många gånger sett en efter en annan människa utsättas för denna rena MOBBNING och tortyr, så kan jag intyga att det är effektivt. Ta något verkligt och sen VINKLA det till något mycket värre och större. Göm ett föremål och få personen att tro att den själv gömt det. Stjäl ett föremål och få alla att tro att en speciell person stulit det för egen vinning. Orsaka en utgift för någon annan genom att låna dennes bil, och vägra sen betala, fast den du lånat bilen av förväntar sig att du gör det. Då ser det ut som om personen har problem att sköta sina räkningar, när inkasso hör av sig, fast det är DU som vägrat betala. Det här är bäst när det redan finns lite minnesproblem, så att du kan få personen att verka helt koko. 

Allt det här och mycket mer är sånt som man inte så gärna ska prata om i verkligheten, för sånt händer bara andra och inte i vanliga, fina familjer. Nej, det händer överallt och inte bara på TV. Överallt där skojare och hänsynslösa människor med en förkärlek för att skapa lidande för andra finns. Människor som bara tänker på sig själva och som gillar att kontrollera andras känslor och verklighet. Såna människor pratar man inte om i Landet Lagom, där alla ska tro att alla vill allas bästa. Nej, det vill inte alls alla. En massa människor tänker bara på sig själva och de är superbra på att få alla att hjälpa dem och gilla dem att få det de vill. Några få personer vill de krossa och likt JR i TV-serien Dallas har de en fullständig besatthet i att förstöra någon eller någras rykten eller ekonomi eller framgång eller vad de vill förstöra. Utåt kanske de låtsas "bry sig", men verkligheten är en helt annan. Bara en människa som är ute efter att förstöra för en annan kunde hitta på det som jag av somliga fullständigt (i verkligheten) empati-befriade människor anser att jag ska "komma över". Tyvärr är de flesta människor fullständigt självupptagna, dvs narcissister, eller så är de bara likgiltiga för allt som inte drabbas de som de faktiskt redan bryr sig om, dvs apater, så om inte detta händer dem själva bryr de sig inte, utan tycker att det är strunt. 
När du väl ser att de gör illa dig på vilje och att de inte bryr sig...
Bara en sann empat, någon med inlevelseförmåga oavsett om detta drabbat någon de älskar eller en okänd individ, kan förstå att personer som utsätter en för såna här lögner och förtal är inga människor man ska ha i sitt liv. Det här är onda människor som vill mig ont, annars hade ingen av dem deltagit i den här häxjakten mot mig! Vilket är precis vad det var och om jag inte gått och gömt mig, utan börjat kämpa emot och argumentera och ringa runt och demonstrera, så hade de haft ännu mer vatten på sina illasinnade kvarnar. Nu har de fått lita sig på det lilla de har, och klippa och klistra delar av någon mening de hittat i någon av mina anonyma bloggar, där jag uttryckt mina känslor för saker och ting. Ta en liten del av en mening, gör din egen tolkning vad hela meningen egentligen handlade om, och de hade sitt "bevis". Sant? Hade jag skrivit meningen? Till och med den bror som såg min syster visa mig avtalet föll för det tricket och ansåg att jag "verkligen skrivit sådär". Men, jag hade skrivit mycket mer bara i den meningen, och i det stycket, så att det blev fel såsom mina belackare använt det. Men det är EXAKT så mobbare och förtalare agerar. De letar efter något litet du faktiskt sagt och klipper och klistrar. Strax efter hade den här brodern själv fått en mening slaktad och insatt i fel sammanhang från sin egen blogg, och då förstod han exakt hur det känts för mig. 

Vilket var tur för mig, för som jag sett så saknar de flesta människor riktig empati och inlevelseförmåga, och de är upptagna med att tycka synd om sig själva och attackera andra som uttrycker sina känslor och tankar. Inte ens när jag försvarar andras rätt att uttrycka sig, om saker de varit med om och hur det känts, så händer det särskilt ofta att den jag försvarar denna rätt bryr sig. De flesta bara gaddar ihop sig och börjar mobba någon som tänker olika, och den som försvarar allas rätt att yttra sig blir ignorerad. För mig är det som om de flesta människor är mobbare, och den som inte gillar mobbning alls är ett freak. Att mobbas är att kritisera och hindra någon från att yttra sig och uttrycka sig om sin verklighet, samtidigt som man utan minsta rannsakan tillåter rena lögner och förtal att passera som guds sanning. Det är mobbning och det är förtryck. Jag anser mig förtryckt och att jag inte ska "komma över" att jag blir förtryckt och illa behandlad av människor som inte vill veta och inte bryr sig om sanningen. De är alla lika skyldiga som min syster till det som hänt. Varenda en som inte hört av sig till mig DIREKT och brytt sig om mig är lika skyldiga som hon. De vill mig INTE väl och de bryr sig INTE. Antagligen därför jag alltid känt det som om de människor jag haft runt mig när jag växte upp, min familj och min släkt, egentligen inte alls brydde sig om mig eller älskade mig. För att de faktiskt aldrig gjort det! 
Vilken värld har vi - vilken vill vi ha?
Det är sorgligt att tänka på, för alla barn ska vara älskade, men somliga är aldrig det på riktigt. Jag har "accepterats" så länge jag var "till nytta" och gjorde det jag blev tillsagd. Jag var tydligen också bra att ha som den alla kunde lägga skulden på när något gick fel, dvs syndabocken. Det är något jag inte riktigt förstått förrän det började komma fram 2012 att jag under större delen av mitt liv fått bära pundhuvudet för saker som syskon gjorde, dvs sånt andra gjort. Som vuxen ser jag att jag var perfekt för detta, då jag empatiskt alltid tyckte synd om andra som hade problem och därför inte drog upp gamla synder. Därmed kunde de göra gällande att det var mina synder! Detta att använda din lojalitet och hjälpsamhet emot dig är ett klassiskt knep hos narcissisterna. När jag t ex betalade skadestånd för skador andra orsakat kunde de använda det som bevis på mitt dåliga samvete, och sen även bestraffa mig genom att ljuga och säga att jag vägrat betala och låtsas att någon annan betalat. Det för att jag aldrig tog upp gamla synder, och var dessutom väldigt försagd och blyg som människa. Denna lilla flicka jag ser på gamla foton, som är så skrämd med stora rådjursögon som stirrar in i kameran, är alltså hin håle? Samtidigt är de där andra skojarna, med sina förnöjsamma, skadeglada grin, guds änglar? Give me a brake... Den här världen är verkligen upp och ner.

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Stigen
Jag 11 år.

fredag 18 september 2015

Cry Baby Cry

This is a comment to this video, about his terrible mother and how she raged and did bad things to him when he was a child, and needed love and compassion, as we all do need. What I hear is a mother who's very unstable and who rage towards her child when she thinks noone will notice. That is what narcissists will do, when they are childabusers. They will cover it up and do it when noone sees it. But all narcissists don't rage like this as alot of them are of cooler manner and normally get things the way they want it, and therefore don't feel the need to. A narcissistic mother who's forced to be a mother, when she rather do other things, is more likely to rage, in my opinion. Also, if her children in any way will keep rebelling that might also create more rage. Children who immediately go into a calming down mode might see less rage, but remember - there was nothing you could do to not be hurt, if you had a narcissistic mother. Even good mothers, or semi good mothers sometimes will not be perfect and they will loose it with a difficult child in some way. The question is how they loose it. This man's mother most certainly did not loose it in a good way, but in a crazy bitch way.

How does it feel for a little child when you are met with harsh words and pain?

Here is the comment: That is just horrible. I wonder however about the ritual spanking on bare butts for no given reason. The coldness of it, the lack of emotion, the humiliation. Where it did not matter how you behaved, as the spanking would come. Ordered by mother to be executed by father as he arrived back from his job. I've spoken to both of them when I had become a parent, and asked about their childhood, never ever bringing up this spanking issue, as that was not spoken about, ever. And neither had in any way, shape or form been subjects to any physical punishment as the one they put two out of their three children (first litter) through. The forth child came in the 70's. Spanking got illegal in 73 here. 

Mother had a saying that you have to learn a child to know shame. (The exact saying goes differently as it's a rough translation - but it's about it.) Those children who knew shame were us scapegoats, of course, and I suspect she had father spank us for two reasons. One to make the bond between us and father broken, and two as a method to break our spirits, as we could NOT affect the spanking. I am thinking about the coldness you felt about the punishment, despite it being very hurtful, and that makes me remember how I locked down all feelings when my butt was smacked red and sore. I could not change the outcome, as I was a little child. And I believe truly it was to make us obediant slaves for her choosen boy, and then later on her choosen girl. She did tell me I was nothing like the new baby. I was dirty and whathaveyou nasty words she said, as she had lost her normal calm as I'd touched the new baby's cloths. And she said that the new baby was clean and all sorts of glorious things. 

Whatever happened in your childhood never happened. Repeat!

I've rarely seen mother in rage, one time was on our trip to the so called ballet class, which was another con. There were no ballet class and all way home mother raged at me how ungrateful I was, and how she'd never do anything more for me - ever. Like I said, the class was a con, she made it up as I was a child of 5 and she thought I'd not notice the difference. Then there was one occasion when I was 13 and I dared to oppose her about how dark it was outside, so she hunted me all through the house and outside. Then I remember her raging during the inheretence after her mother - when all hell broke loose thanks to her, pretty much as is going on with her children. The latest rage was in 2005 when she found out dad had remarried. 

That's when his new wife was accused of stealing a heirloom. I remember commenting to mother she (the new wife) must be stupid, as it was worthless. Then the object was back again. I now am pretty sure mother stole it and carefully pinned the blame on the other woman. Still on dad's funeral golden boy blames her. It might also been our sister who did it, cause she wont speak to the woman and behaves really suspicious around her. Who knows, I'm just sure that is she'd steal anything she'd go for easy and small objects as all the gold rings father had laying around.

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane

An adult playing the victim is nothing as cute as this baby is.

torsdag 30 april 2015

Returning Back To The Core


Today I was again going back to the reason why my sister showed me the agreement dad had made with her back in 1996. I've contemplated this over and over again now for 2 years and come up with different reasons. One was purely legal, that she did it to cover her ass, as if she'd not shown it and the third missing copy would turn up I thought that she was afraid that I would sue her for conning me into signing the house over to her on false premises. Once I've read the agreement, and still had signed the house over to her after her conditions, and not fathers, I imagined that she might think that I'd burned my bridges. I also imagined that as soon as I was to talk about this written agreement, and our two brothers would reject their right to also read it, they'd had no more rights as soon as they also did as they were told by her.

That is how I imagined that it must had been. That this was the reason she made me go through this horrible ordeal. Just so she could earn a few bucks more then the rest of us, or rather, she would gain as much as the boys as she's convinced that they'd both gotten far more then her. She always been honest about one fact - I've gotten far less from father then any of the others. That is also the fact that makes me now most disgusted with our mother, as she actually wrote to our legal help and lied to him that I was one of her four children who'd gotten the most, and that all my sister ever got was that house, she never actually did get. Why she did that is a question for another blog, but so far my guess is that she did it just cause she's a spiteful, evil, old hag who hates me. That explaination will have to do for now, as today I want to discuss the reason my sister did what she did.

As I was out with the dogs doing the garden I was contemplating this issue again, for like the zillionth time, and came to the conclusion that as there was nothing legally binding about the agreement father had written, there were not really anything supporting my first theory. Well, my sister might not had understood this and still done it cause of that reason, but I think I was overthinking it. I actually think she just did it to destroy me, and for no other reason in the world. Like I've said so many times on this blog I was severely ill for many years, starting with me loosing my long hair in early 2002, having serious fatigue symptoms all that summer and then after helping my sister move from her house to an apartment in July 2003 getting sudden muscel weakness. I started falling down and dropping stuff I hold in my hands. It was really annoying as I had a three year old toddler and also three older children, so I needed to be able to carry her alot and do alot of housework, but my body would not comply.

This all escalated through the years with me loosing more hair, getting more tired and also getting problems with memory and other more accute health issues. During this time I did see doctors a couple of times, but they both confirmed I was in perfect health and made me feel stupid and overreacting. The first time I went to the doctor was in March 2004 and I'd paid for a full health check up. Much later I realized that I never got what I'd paid for and that the doctor had sent me home without doing any blood work. I don't know why, but I felt so ashamed that I'd not noticed during the visit so I never went back and told them to give me one, as I'd paid for it. I felt so stupid for not realizing that they never did and for how the doctor had looked at me and behaved. She was so convinced I was faking it and that despite me having all my four children with me, as I never had any babysitter and no free time to myself. 

I mention that as I do remember another story that mother told when she was a young mother of only three. She went to the doctor without her children and still he believed her stories and he almost forced her to take out sick leave and go away from us for a few months. How differently people treat someone like her compaired to someone like me. I am also contemplating this issue and have a few thoughts about why this is so, as I'm sure my mother is something called a malignant covert narcissist. If she's not that, she sure is something very similar. They are known for their abilities to manipulate people into believing them and helping them out. People seem to always want to please narcissists and it's almost like everyone feel extra sorry for them, while totally ignoring the non-narcissists, no matter what they are going through. It's like the story about the broken nail and the loss of the child, where the narcissist gains all pity due to the nail, while the mother loosing her only child is ignored, since she's not a narcissist.

This was of course a sidetrack, as I'm bad at following the red thread, but the thing is that if this doctor had not decided that she was a psychic and just magically could tell what was wrong, or not, with people, I'd been checked then, like I paid for. And if I'd not been made to feel so stupid and ridiculous my whole life, I'd gone back to the doctor and told her what a bitch she was for sending me home without doing the blood tests. And if I'd done that they'd had to do the tests already in summer of 2004 and from there on I'd been put under treatment. But instead I felt stupid and ignored my health issues as much as I could. Also, your body adapts to poor conditions and you learn to hold on to things, even when your muscels don't work alright. Next year I got pregnant, and due to my condition I lost the baby, but I also went to see another doctor as I was worrying that there was something wrong with me that caused me to loose the baby. 

Also that doctor said I was alright and that there was nothing wrong with me. But when I asked my present doctor in 2012 to check out if they did any blood work on me back in 2005, I found out that they'd not done it either. So I'd been unchecked for a very long time and only gotten worse every year. By 2011 I'd had constant pains and problems with my personal hygien for several years, due to a combination of damages during the birth of my children and infections I'd had for years. So one day in September everything just stopped. I could not run anymore, not even the slightest. I'd tried to run to get some training and it always felt like running through thick mud, but all of a sudden I could not even run one step. My heart was pounding and it was exhausting to even walk in a slow paste. This started in just an instance, just like what had happened to me in summer 2003. It was the 5th of September, only 20 days to my grandson's christening.

The rest of the month I was sitting on a chair to bake all the cakes for the christening and I also had to make my mother take her dog back, which she'd refused to come and fetch after I'd picked her up at father's place, where mother had dumped her dog that summer. At the christening I was so dead tired everything was so hard to do and after that event things got much worse. At the end I could not walk more then a few steps and I had to crawl up the stairs, one step at a time. It was just awful and I truly thought that this was it for me. The reason I would not go to any doctor was my insight that no matter how I felt no doctor would help me or acknowledge that I was ill. That was actually true, as none so far had bothered to take me seriously and just decided that since I looked so perky I must be healthy. I must admit that I felt very ridiculous for even going to that doctor back in 2004, as she found nothing wrong with me by looking at my face for three seconds. 

Now I've retold some of this old health story again and if you've followed my blog you know that my daughter finally forced me to see a doctor, as I refused to help her out with her son. She didn't do it cause she believed me, she's confessed later on, but cause she was annoyed with me for pretending to be ill, when I was obviously not. So it was not only doctors not believing me, as I now know that none of my relatives do, nore any lawyers or anyone really. It does not matter what subject, people all over the place look upon me as a horrible person who make up shit that is not true. None of these people are basing this assumption on anything I've done, but on their own prejudices about "someone like me". Who am I then that would be such an awful person that everyone think the worst of? I look like I came from Poland, or Russia, but that is just my outer look.

What does this tell you? That people don't trust people from Poland and Russia? Something inside of people tell them that if you look polish, etc, you are a liar? Is that true? Of course not. No-one is a liar for having a certain hair colour, eye colour or facial features. There is another thing also that makes people believe I'm a liar, by the way. It's cause I've been scapegoated as a child, punished for no known reasons, and when you do that to a person they get insecure and don't know their own rights. That will come out as an avoidant person and people don't trust people who seem to not trust them. But that is nothing you can wish away, as having a low self esteem is engrained in you so early in your development. All of this makes me the perfect target of a sociopathic assault, as I was also recovering from this long illness, finally diagnosed and treated in October 2011. 

There is one important factor about sociopaths you need to know. They often plan very far ahead by planting little seeds into people. In this case I believe it all began in summer 1992, when I heard that my sister had gotten the house as a gift, for nothing, from father. I also heard that father refused to write anything down on paper about this. The person telling me all this was my sister, and then mother was repeating this mantra for two decades. The last decade she was also promoting one more mantra, as our second brother must had gotten so jealous at his baby sister he'd forced father to make him a house too. So the last decade mother was promoting that mantra too. There was now one proper house on the estate and one outhouse that mother said both belonged to these two siblings. Mother was also constantly telling me that the house was not legal and there were no papers on it.

All these mantras got repeated again and again until we all believed them like people in older times trusted the words that came out from the local priest. It was pure brainwashing, and we all believed that our sister got her house for nothing from our father, that the house was not a real house, that she paid every year 10 K for the house, that our brother had paid his outhouse and built it with the help of father. All these mantras we believied, and we trusted our mother, brother and sister on their words when they said that father got it all mixed up as he got older and that he had "forgotten" what was true and what was not. Then, two days after father had died, my sister showed me the agreement on the house and I could read that I got it all wrong. It didn't bother me as I thought it must be our mother who's twisted it, as I know she is stubborn as a mule when she gets an idea into her head, and no amount of proof or disagreement from you will change her mind.

There was this instance when I had phoned her, back in 1998, and said we'd pop in for a quick visit, but mother decided we were to stay over for several nights. I told her at once that would not happen as it was school next day, but mother would not have it any other way, so she decided we'd said we were staying over. She made sure she was not at home when we popped by at the exact time we'd said we'd come. And then she'd phoned me in a rage over my insensitivity to not come as I'd said I would, as we had to leave after an hour to go home and get the children to bed. She'd screamed at me and been totally furious over how I'd conned her to go and buy alot of food, and that despite me telling her not to, as we could not stay for long, an hour tops, and that we didn't need anything to eat. For reasons like that I wasn't surprised mother had gotten everything backwards.

The thing with my mother is that despite her getting stuff backwards she will never ever admit she did. She will instead make up some elaborate fairytale making the other person look like a total nutcase in others eyes. To do that she makes up false allegations, like that one about me telling her we were coming to stay a few days with her. Total nonsense she after the event pretended to be facts. What she did is called "gaslighting" and if I'd not had my husband and children sitting in the background hearing every word I'd said, I'd been swayed to believe she might be right, and that I had by mistake said the wrong thing. This is how a pathological person can ware you down psychologically, by making you doubt your own memories, your own mind. It's one of the most horrendious abuse methods used by bullies and sadists and they use it to gain control over others. The more their target is made to doubt their own perception, the more can the abuser control the target and make them do things. 

In mothers two decades long story about the house agreement she'd both claimed that father never wrote such agreement, and she also had claimed that the house was totally a gift to my sister. And on top of that she'd also claimed that the house was not an official house, but built in secret. Now I know that there was an agreement, but that it was not legally binding and that any one of us three siblings only had to say no to agreeing to it's content and it was null and void. I also know now that the house was never a gift, but that father let my sister borrow it, when he wasn't renting it out to summer guests. I also know now that he intended us siblings to decide whether our sister was to get the house as part of her fair share or not, as he'd refused to sign a WILL, which we'd found unsigned in his house now in December of last year. In that will the sum both my sister, my mother and also the second brother is repeating like a mantra, is mentioned. That sum is 110 K for the house. 

But they claim this was the actual agreed upon sum, for which the sister was to have the house, and in the will father has with his own handwriting scribled down 210 K over that sum. Another thing is that already back in 1991, during the divorce mother put father through while I had their first grandchild, we've found paper evidence that the house she calls illegal, not a properly reported house, is totally a real house. It has it's own taxation value and it's all in the divorce papers. To top all of this off my oldest brother found insurance papers on that house dating back to 1996, the very year that the written agreement where made, and there father has insured the house for 230 K. All of this together makes pretty good evidence that he was never intending to let her have the house for 110 K and that I've been telling the truth all the time, just like my oldest brother has testified that I did. The only one in the room when I read the agreement, who's saying I'm lying, is our baby sister. 

There are plenty more people who claim that I'm lying and none of them were in the room, so why are they even pretending to know? Like I told you earlier on have I've been trained to take the blame for things that I've not done, and to tell you the truth I never liked it and I never accepted it. I used to tell them, when I was young, that I should tape record everything said in our house to flush out the real liars. That was back in the days they had tape recorders and unfortunately I broke mine so it never happened that I did record them. The reason I broke it was that I truly loved it. It was the best gift ever and I got it from my second brother, when he was nice to me. That's why both of his closest siblings never gave up on him, as he could be really nice, when he was not with our mother. He was almost only evil when he was with her, but totally okay otherwise most of the times. 

We both have felt really sorry for him many times as he's so obsessed with getting admiration from our parents, which is pretty pathetic as they were both totally into themselves. To give him credit he did make both our parents adore him most of all their children and he did put down alot of effort to acheive this. One thing he did very cleverly was to make his siblings look stupid by putting words and opinions unto us, that he just made up. That was the reason I broke the recorder, as he infuriated me one time with such a mind fuck. I told him to stop and tell the truth or I'd smash the recorder. No matter how sad I got from breaking it I knew nothing I cherrished would last in that house, so if I'd not smashed it, someone else would had taken it away from me sooner or later. To brake something you love yourself is to get control over the situation. It was kind of a relief when it was broken, as it was also making me feel in debt to my brother for being the one giving me my most beloved gift. 

In retrospect I think that the gift made me feel trapped, like I owed him to let him treat me worse if I kept it. What he does and did is that he turns everything backwards. What you've said, done, ment, thought. All of it he turns around so if he'd been provoking you with false allegations, which both you and him knew were made up shit, and you'd react in the slightest way negative, he'd use that to twist everything around to make you look stupid. It's hard to explain and today I don't remember any specifics, only that it was so painful and awful and that it used to drive both me and his brother totally mad. It was so upsetting, so unfair, so mean. It was cruel and you could see that he enjoyed it the more upset and sad he saw he made us. It was pure sadism.

That is the reason I understand that this brother would never admit that he'd gotten it all wrong, even if he was unaware of the truth of the matter concerning our sister's alleged house. Even if he fully well knew that she made all the crap up, and that father did tell him that, I'm sure he'd enjoy watching us suffer from all their mind games. Both him and mother are still today repeating the old mantra about the houses, like nothing happening these two last years ever happened. There is however one big change. Before they both used to say there were no written agreement, like it was the utter truth, but after the truth was revealed they are instead saying that everyone always known about these agreements - in pluralis even. Indeed, since his sister has said she'd gotten the first house he has claimed that he had the same oral agreement with father as she did. 

As soon as she admits that I'm right and there is a written agreement he says that he has the same written agreement as she has. When she says that I must have stolen father's copy of her agreement, he says that I must have stolen his agreement too. It's like listening to a mindless parrot really. At this point his brother pitties him and thinks that he's out of his mind and totally under the control of our crazy mother and sister. I don't feel it's wrong of me to call them crazy here, as this is not a blog I share under my real name or to any relatives or friends of theirs. They on the other hand have been calling me crazy to everyone, according to this second brother. I know a few they've defamed me to, and I know that my sister wrote to people two years ago and made up stuff about me, like I was insane, doing horrible things, threatening her, and all sorts of weird stuff. 

This is the actual clue to the reason she showed me her written agreement, as she'd been hiding the fact so long that father had signed that to her back in 1996. The agreement didn't say what she claims and everyone following her like obediant cult members claim. That is - the agreement didn't say that she'd have the house for 110 K, but it said "market value". The true value of the house on the house market now as the inherence is being shifted. That is the meaning of those words and since I'm a smart girl I understood the meaning. My sister knows that I'm the smart one, so she told me to read it carefully and made sure I understood it properly. If I'd forgotten I'd read it her plan would not had worked. I'd have no proof of her claims not being true, and despite that being backwards thinking, I'd still would not make a fuzz over something I could not prove not being correct. 

Even the lawyer ended up using backwards thinking, as you need to prove something being correct in a legal case like this, not finding evidence disproving it. He actually wrote that to me, that he could not find any proof against my sister and brother's claims about what father had promised them orally, so therefore he had to follow our father's will. Not legal will, but the will our siblings claimed that he'd intented when they spoke to them. The lawyer tried to con us to help our siblings out, which is so totally illegal you can become as a lawyer working with cases like this. He's supposed to shift the estate equally between the four of us, and instead he was trying to make those two get extras, just cause he thought they deserved it. Today I totally hate this guy and I'm sure he knows I do as he even was taunting me how much I'd hate him for what he was to do to me on our last meeting.

Actually he made me so furious over how he lied to us - straight in our faces and then in several mails - that I had to pretend my pillow was his face for about a month or two and then I bit his face off again and again. It kind of helped and I also cursed him a few times. One night I dreamt that I visited his office and he looked really sickly and I told him it was cause I've cursed him and that he was ill now and he would soon die. Just cause he'd tried to con me. That was pretty hilarious as I truly have not been so mad at anyone since the damn farmer shot my kitties. I've written about the curse I made back then, as a tiny little lassie, and how it came to get fullfilled just like I'd spoken it. I didn't find out until many years later, but when I did it shocked me. That was the first time I ever cursed someone and since then I've made a few, which all come true in one way or another. 

Two years ago I tried to make my sister get to her senses, so I begged her in a private mail to her to tell the truth, and then I also kind of half on fun made an oath and told her to dare to do the same and say that it's not true what I say. What happened after that is pretty normal for a sociopath. She used my private mail, which were between two once very close sisters, and she sent it on to alot of other people with her own little fairytale added to it. In my dare to her I'd warned her to not take my oath and lie, as I'd added a horrible curse to it, so if she'd lie she'd curse whatever was most precious to her. I really tried to warn her and in all the recording that I sent to her I sounded sweet and nice, but in my warning I sounded very serious and a tad bit angry. Of course I was angry. If I'd not been angry with her for what she'd put me through I'd be a psych case. 

It's normal to be angry at people who lie about events both you and them know happened. I know that she knew she'd shown me her agreement, and she knew that I knew that she knew and she had a great time laughing at me for how infuriating she knew she made me feel. To her it was just another game and she enjoyed how everyone believed every crap she made up, and no-one believed a word I said. That until she found out that not only did our oldest brother remember the event, which he was not supposed to bump into, but he did and he told her he did. She got so annoyed that he did and could not really come up with a believable lie for how he could remember the same thing as I did, so she just said she'd shown me another paper, not that paper. 

But just before that she acted like she'd never shown me any paper, and when she was found out in her lie, she turns around and admits to showing me a paper, but cannot straight ahead say what paper that was supposed to be. I don't know how long it took her to figure out an excuse, but a year later my witness finds out what she claims. According to her she'd shown me a loan agreement, that was unfavorable to her. As I said the agreement on the house was made in 1996, and that year father loaned all of his four children 60 K. Her paper on the loan is nothing special at all and it is nothing like the agreement I read, nore like the one our brother saw. Both him and I agree that there were like three paragraphs and I clearly remember the headline. Nothing like the loan agreement, and there is nothing about inherence or houses in any loan agreements either.

Another person who failed to believe her was my husband, who she tried to sway into her favor by making it out like I was the one making a fuzz and being weird. He totally understood the whole scam from the start and never was under any spell of the mantra they'd sprung on me and the oldest brother for so long that we almost could not believe what we saw. If I'd not so clearly read the headline in the agreement on the house I'm not sure I'd snapped out of the brainwashing as fast as I did. But it took up till my sister denying showing it to me and making everyone hate me that I truly understood what was up. It took awhile longer for the brother, as he'd only read a chapter in the middle and wasn't really sure it was the house agreement about the inherance, but just something about that house. 

I'd mentioned already a few months back the event, where I'd been shown the agreement by our sister, but he had at that time just dismissed it with the mantra. That is, he said there is no agreement on paper. That's how deeply they'd programmed us and that is why we both were using backwards reasoning when we wanted to follow their words only about what was up with these buildings. What I do have a hard time to get my head around is that they made the lawyer the same way in such a short time. He knows that only a will is legally binding and he told me so at the beginning. He also told me that neither of them have any special rights to any buildings on the farm and that they can only get them if we agree to it. I told him that I would agree to that if my sister took out her written agreement and showed it to everyone and admitted that she'd showed it to me back in 2012, two days after father died. 

Instead of making her do that he turned the law into a joke and pretended that we needed proof to disprove their claims. He went so far and wrote that there is no evidence suggesting this is not my father's intent. What an insult, when he knows that the agreement I read is not legally binding and what he tried to acheive is nothing less then following this agreement by forcing it upon me against my will. I have made it perfectly clear that to clear my name from the defamation my sister has made upon it I will not agree to anything supporting this agreement that I read, until it is put forward, she has admitted showing it to me, just like both me and our brother claim, and I also demand a public apology from her, which she has to publish where most of their smear have been posted - on Facebook.

The lawyer totally has ignored any of this and I'm sure he never even bothered to tell my sister this in any sort or way. Why he's ignoring my demands totally is cause he believes all the smear and lies they are telling about me, and that is why he's been bullying me together with them. It's cost me a small fortune to make the lawyer stop doing this to me and for that I also hate him as I'm a very poor person. I've been serverly ill for a very long time, as I mentioned above, and during that time all I have to live on was my husband's salary, which is nothing fantastic, and the child benifits the state gives out, which isn't much as it goes away when the child gets older. Also we give most of it to the children from they are 15 so today I have almost nothing every month. Maybe a couple of hundreds at the most. 

Thanks to this lawyer I have to pay another lawyer 19 K this month and even more the next month. I don't know how I am supposed to do so as none of our four children are working yet and like I said I have had no income for a very long time. I got 30 K back in 2003, and another 3 K after working the whole fall back in 2005. That is very little. This spring I've only earned 9 K and that was supposed to go to the new lawyer. What the lying lawyer did to make it difficult to me was that he sent my lawyer's mail adress to my evil siblings and then they could start writing mails to him. I know that atleast one of them did, the brother, and the lawyer I've hired told him to stop or he'd bill him instead. For that I'm grateful, but not for him billing me for all the shit I never asked him to do. I was pretty clear I'd only make at most 15 K on this part time job, and still the bill ended on 19 K. 

Thanks so bloody much. I don't know what to do as it seems like people like to use me and take advantage of me. I am so sick and tired of everything at the moment, on all their hate, their lies, their bullying. I can't belive how evil people are and even when I try to help out and make things right people just take me for granted. I will pay the lawyer this time, but enough is enough. I tried to help my brother so we'd not loose father's farm and I know some of his grandchildren really wanted to keep the farm, but there is just so much I can do. I'm not all well, even if the illness I had is at bay at this moment and all my blood tests are perfect. I still have constant pains in my body and I tire easily.

Even my husband has given up and realized that whatever we do to make things right, some people are too stupid and selfish to let us thrive and become happy and get what they've had all their lives. Evil people just are that way and one person that is totally evil is my mother. For instance, she shortly after she'd sworn that she never meddled with this inherance she wrote a mail to the lawyer and lied through her teeth. She both meddled and she lied about her children, making it out like I was one of her four children father had given the most help to through the years, while her poor, little daughter got nothing at all. I cannot phantom how a woman can be so totally sick and evil as she is, as she knows fully well the truth is the reverse. 

Back in 2011 father said to me that he was so proud of me and my husband for having the most children of all us siblings and that we still managed to take care of our own economy without his help. He also told me that my siblings had gotten so much more help from him then I'd gotten. He was so proud I didn't have the heart to tell him that we've been living far under the poverty line all the time. Even mother was on me back in 2011 and wanted me to beg father for money to even out the difference between us siblings, and now she's lying to the lawyer that I'm the one daughter who got the most money from him by lying that I was the only one he gave a car to. He gave the car after he'd given her two favorites one each and helped them with 100 K for their houses, which he never did for us. 

She also lied and told him she was married to father when my sister "got" the house from him and it sounded like she ment that she was still married when the agreement was struck in 1996. However my sister has also claimed later on that this written agreement was made in 1992, and that is what they all claim now. It is all so insane and so contradictory that I realize now why I wanted to tape every uttered word in that household, and why it felt like living in crazy town until the day the second brother left home. For some reason mother got less weird when he left as I truly believe that crazy makes crazy more crazy. When she was left without both her favorite torture victim, the oldest brother, and her favorite side-kick, the second brother, she just calmed down a bit. It was still pretty crazy living in that home and I am so glad that I'm starting to get over the worst damage now. 

The first lesson was to deal with all the relationships problems that I never could get my head around, which I collected outside of my immediate family for years. I could never hate anyone, no matter what they did, as I became a teen. I was so much healthier as a smaller child when I totally hated the farmer who shot my kitties. That was why I never got over any relationships as all the failures were never understood and never blamed on the one actually doing the failing. I kept caring for people who never cared for me and never even bothered to get to know me. This first lesson I delt with back in 1999 and after that I had a second lesson to learn. 

That next lesson was to truly get to understand malignant narcissism at it's worse. So I kind of ran into a few narcissists, like for instant one who was truly pathological. So during a few years I had to come to grips with what that was. The interesting thing is that the only person understanding this issue and who could explain the most hurtful speciement's actions was my second brother. He totally understood why that person had been smearing me to his wife, making up lies about what I've done, as I'd done nothing of what he'd told her. It took a few years but by the time that I got my miscarriage in 2005 I started to get my head around what had happened a few years earlier. At the same time I started having problems with my sister as she started acting really odd. 

First she had accused me to flirt with her husband when the family re-union was in June, which was just too bizarre and very unlike her. Then more weird things happened that all in all reminded me of the events a few years before, as I felt like someone was toying with me. I was not interested in her husband and what I'd thought been friendly welcoming to our family turned out to be a nightmare. I thought he was an insecure and nice guy, but in hindsight I can see the resemblance with the pahtological person my second brother had understood, who caused my own family so much distress. Narcissists often come out as insecure and charming little boys and girls, and we want to help them. That was what I did to the pathological guy a few years earlier and what I tried to do to my new brother. Be a good friend.

To be honest I got fed up with rudeness and what clearly was open disrespect from her new husband. So even if all first looked promissing and I hoped that I rather gained a brother then lost a sister it was clear that the pattern from her first marriage was repeating. Now I suspect that my sister was saying bad things about me to her first husband and that was the reason he was so mean to me. At the time I only thought he was an asshole, but now I suspect that he was more like defending her and supporting her and thinking that I deserved to be treated like shit. At that time I was used to be treated like shit as I was still young and I'd not even done lesson one in overcoming the Narcissistic Victim Syndrom that I clearly was suffering from since childhood. That makes you walk around with a big, invisible sign saying "kick me when I'm down". 

But now I feel like that sign is tossed out and I don't wear it anymore so that's why I feel so much better around people, despite me still having huge problems as I'm still very afraid of getting targeted again. Which is natural as I'm still being targeted by my own birth family, like I already mentioned. But back then, in the early 90's, I wasn't thinking twice when my sister's boyfriend, not yet husband, was plain rude to me. Everyone was rude to me almost, and I was surprised if someone was polite and nice to me instead. That's why I was so heartbroken when my second brother-in-law also turned out to be a very rude and cruel person, just like the first one. I'd had so high hopes for him being a nice bloke and me not loosing my sister again, just cause she got married. But that was clearly all that he was, just another asshat.

To end off I also like to mention that in the end we also found out that the second brother really truly never had any agreement like his sister had on the real house. What he'd had was a written rent agreement with father and also there the old man had refused to sign an agreement, making the outhouse into his son's. As there were no other agreement it's pretty clear he only lied about having the same and was just smearing me when he made it out like I've stolen this made up paper. It's hard for me to understand how he can be so cruel to me, but since he was the only one understanding the malignant narcissist that lied to me and hurt my whole family long ago, I suspect that it takes one to know one. It's still horrible to realize that so many you've loved are not capable of love themselves. They are like not real humans, but like evil little gremlins. Or just fake humans, like empty dolls.

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane