Lets talk about pets now as this is a post about my final eighth site in my Green World. It's a perfect time to bring this up as alot have happened concering pets today and there are so much issues with pets that has been life changing for me. On this site I have a few memorial pages about a few of all the pets I've had, but there were so many at the end that I stopped making those pages. At one point I counted to 60 animals, if I also added the chickens and the mice. They were more pets those chickens then farm animals, and the mice I counted were not the wild ones, but those in cages. We had also tons of rabbits and quite a herd of ginny pigs. Today we have only cats and a very old dog. You can go and look at the site here - Ingis World of Pets. Most of my experiences with pets are very loving and wonderful, and even scary events, like being seriously bit, are not anything that truly traumatic to me. Being bit is just something that happens now and then as pets, just like humans, might be feeling bad, having episodes when their hormones are out of balance and other factors might also play in. In most cases it's actually their humans that have done something wrong, that causes them to bite someone.
What has been traumatic to me, concerning pets, are actually humans. It's the cruelty of humans and their ill intent of harming or killing pets just to cause pain and suffering to other humans. That is the most stunning of behavior as to me it's pure evil. The more stunning to me is it that so many blame not the one actually doing the harming or killing, but the person that this cruelty affects, like it's the person being hurt that is to blame for the ill treatment of the pets. That is the most ridiculous and insane conclusion, that I've noticed so many people do. That the animal would not had been harmed or even killed, unless the person caring about this would not had cared so much, so hence it's this person's fault the animal was hurt by the animal abuser! How crazy can you get to even come up with such exuses. The worst thing, and most traumatic of all of this, is that you end up as the guilty one for caring for the animal and trying to protect it. The reasoning here is that if you'd not tried to stop the harm to come to the pet, there would had not been any harm to it. It's crazy as that is not true. Someone trying to hurt an animal and being stopped, will not not harm the animal if you neglect to stop them. Then they surely will harm it.
I will try and explain this once again by using a living example. Once upon a time I was a little girl and for the first time in my life I had a cat and she had a couple of kitties. Father gave them away to a farmer who promised that I could come and see them whenever I wanted to and that he'd take proper care of them. Two weeks later I went down to see them, but was met with an evil smirk on the old guy's face and he told me he'd shot them just a few days after they came to stay with him, as they were too damn social. He wanted them as barn cats and not as indoor, cuddly kitty cats. This was nothing like he'd promised me when he got them, as he knew they were raised as family kitties, with children and indoors with us. I got the feeling he'd intended to shoot them all the time and was only taking them to get an opportunity to piss my family in our face, as father had an important position in our small town and many hated him, but didn't dare to really do much about it. By harming me, as his little child, the man might had felt he could get to father without actually doing anything "wrong" as what he did surely would affect father's little beloved daughter alot.
Honestly I don't believe one second that he ever intended to fullfill his promise to take good care of them and his promise that I could come and see them anytime I wanted to would also make sure that I did and would get devestated. I surely did get devestated and I hated the farmer with all my heart and soul and sent him pain and suffering his way, so much pain he'd feel every hurt his murder had caused me, up until the day he died. Shortly after that he got liver cancer and within three years he was dead. And even if that freaked me out at the time I now feel he had it coming and I do hope that I caused him what he deserved for intentionally harming a little child, who's only "crime" was her true love of her little kitties. I do consider in these dying age, that such behavior deserve to be punished in that very way, so I don't feel the child - me in this instance - did anything wrong to wish all the pain I felt onto him. I more or less sent it on to him and after crying and crying for hours upon hours and sending all that pain unto the farmer, I did feel a relief. That relief is when the pain, all that terrible energy, has been properly sent to the one who deserves it. The cruel person harming others for fun.
That was one example of a person doing harm to pets and where the child getting hurt by the death of these cute kitties felt guilty for hating the farmer and cursing him to his death. I know that many would blame the child here and think she should had "forgiven the farmer" as he did not know what he did. Well, excuse me. He did know what he did, as he knew how much those kitties ment to me and therefore he made the promise I could come and see them and that he'd take good care of them. And I could tell by how he spoke and the look in his eyes when I came to see my beloved kitties, that he had illness in his soul. He was spiteful and showed no regret for the hurt he surely knew he'd caused me. Like I said I was a little girl, only seven years old and very small for my age, so doing what he did, being a grandfather with little grandchildren, he surely was a very bad person. So how can this little child be the one to blame for the death of these kitties? Or the death of that man? She cannot. He was just an evil man, out to do bad, and he deserved to die in the most painful way a man can die as he took pleasure in harming an innocent child, by harming her beloved pets.
The reason I start up by telling this old tale is cause many years later another girl is also seven years old, and she decides to kill a kitty to spite others. This is the opposite tale of the one above, and yet again we find that the guilt is laid upon the girl that tried to prevent this little girl to do the killing. In this instance the kitty is beloved by an aunt, who reluctantly lends the kitty to this little girl. It's not really a little girl as she's very big for her age, just as big as other children when nine or ten. So she might look older then she is, but inside she's not even as mature and loving as the very little girl in the tale before, who herself loved and cared for the kitties. In this next tale the older girl, the same as the very small girl in the first tale, tries to make the grown ups not let the younger girl have the kitty, but nobody listens to her. This is cause in aunt's world this little girl is an innocent angel, and the older girl is not very good at all. Which is not true, but something most likely the evil mother of theirs fooled everyone to believe. That back then, and this still today. So the kitty is lended to the big little girl and the first thing she does is to try and make the big bad wolf say hello to it.
What happens next is that the older girl tries to stop her and hence saving the kitty from being killed by the wolf dog. She even tries to warn the parents, but noone listens and the kitty is still in the younger child's possession. The days go by and every day the little girl tries to put the kitty infront of the dog, who just want to kill the kitty and nothing else. Again and again the older girl explains that the dog only wants to kill the kitty, so this must end or the kitty will surely die. Finally the little girl manages to fool the older girl that she truly understands this now, but instead she runs over with the kitty to the dog and the kitty is killed. And ever since then everyone blames the older girl. Why? First their family does as they always do, blame everything the little girl does on the older girl, just cause she should had done something about it. Second others blame the older girl as she tried to stop the killing in the first place, so it's her fault as by doing that she made the little girl obsessed with disobeying her. This is a damned if you do and damned if you don't scenario, as you can hear. I've so far hardly met anyone thinking this was a very cruel little girl, and that it was all her fault and I was a victim of a typical psychopathic child.
The only ones thinking this is others who've been in the same kind of horrible situations like this one. All others seem to think that I could had done something about it, so it was surely my fault. My question to all who blame me - as I was this older girl - what the hell you think I could had done? After a week of running around, trying to stop her from killing the kitty, I was so worn out my guard dropped and I believed her when she said she would wait for me on the other side of the house, from where the dog was tied up. I ran as fast as I could but when I came down she was already there, bent down and putting down the kitty infront of the dog. I don't know what I could had done as dragging her along with me all the time, every second, was almost impossible. Remember she was big as a nine to ten year old child, and I was not a big person even at the age of 16. I was normal height, but very thin and not strong atall. And if I touched her she used to cry and pretend I'd hurt her, if she didn't want to do something, so dragging her along was no choice. And we were going away for a couple of days, returning the kitty to it's owner, so I needed my bag of stuff with me. So I had to run up and get it as we were leaving very soon.
The accusation that this was still my fault is made in a way that it sounds okay for those making it, but it's hurtful and horrible to me, even if I do understand how they think. I doubt they themselves using this explaination for her behavior understand how cruel their little "understanding" of this animal abuse is. What I've been told is that the little girl killed this kitty just to spite me and make me hurt. So hence is it my fault for making her upset with me, wanting to punish me. By that it's my fault as there is this accusation in the air that I've done something to deserve to be punished this way. I don't know what it is I've done, except the first time I saved the kitty. So by saving the kitty the first time I'm guilty of hurting the animal abuser, so she now has the right to punish me by killing the kitty? This does truly not make any sense to me, and ever since I got this explaination the first time, I've been pondering about this logic. If I'd not saved the kitty the first time I'd failed the kitty the first time, had a calm week with a dead kitty on my conscience and then I was still to blame. How much better would that had been? This is like blaming a cop who's tried to stop a murder, cause the judge set the murder free again, so the murderer could finish the job.
I would love if someone said to me that it was the parents fault for using the kindness of our aunt and making her lend her beloved little kitty to this evil child. I knew she was not kind, but everyone else believed she was an angel. She was however very clever at putting the blame for all her ill deeds upon me, or someone else. Just like her mother, actually. Many years later I got a kitty of my own and this mother used my empathy to con me to lend her this kitty. She used her own mother's death to guilt trip me into lending her my beloved kitty, just like she'd made her sister-in-law lend hers many years ago. I made mother promise to not have my kitty outside when she was at work, and only when she was out watching him. All other times he was to stay indoors, as he was an indoor kitty. From day one mother had him outdoor all day long while she was at work. Mother had never intended to have him indoors and she knew fully well he was just a kitty and not used to be outdoors in traffic. She knew how many cars went by and how fast every day down on the road. She knew how much the kitty ment to me and how much I loved him. She knew I'd loved my granny so much and was living all alone myself. Still she took my kitty from me and she did not regret it.
The reason I know she didn't regret killing my kitty is cause she never said she made a mistake to have him out, but pointed it out that she'd had him outside all the time. She almost gloated when she said it and she totally made the driver, who ran over my darling, into a hero. She never blamed him either, as if driving that fast past a home, seeing a cat beside the road, was not something wrong atall. She made it out as he could not had done anything differently, as he had thought the cat would not move, but it did. She told a sob story about how sweet he'd been putting up his name and number on a note on her door. Almost so I'd pity him, instead of being angry on her for murdering my beloved baby. She was the one having him outside, when she was not allowed to, so she was to blame, but her sob story about the driver was just to take focus from her actions and put them on the driver's. That's what narcissists do. They always put the focus on something that is not important, to make their own actions not be seen. It's like magic tricks really. They can get away with murder by doing this and in my opinion mother did, when she on purpose killed my beloved kitty this way. That as she at the time made me feel guilty for even bringing up that she was not allowed to have him outside.
Lets talk about the gifts I'm showing you here. The very first one is my own creation using a few nice tubes. It's the one with the cat and the bunny in the same kind of colours, with masks in their cute faces. The next was made using a tutorial, but the frame was so lame I added another frame to it, also made from a tutorial. It's the one with the flowergirl and a red angora cat. The third I made the frame using a tutorial, but I choose another picture, as the kitties and the teddy were too cute. The forth I also made with the help of a tutorial, but changed the frame a little and used another picture then suggested. It kind of looks like a very angry birma cat. The fifth gifts is made from a tutorial, but I added a few cats to is, as there were none before. The sixth is the angelcat above, which I made using a vector-tutorial. I added the background and frame however of my own choice, and also a candle I made from another tutorial. Below you can see my seventh gift, with a frame I made using a tutorial, but I picked the easter bunny picture. As gift eight there is a christmas card I made from a tutorial, but added small photos of our own white angora cats, and the dog. I will mention the rest of the gifts later on as this is quite enough. Just a little break from the kitty killing storytelling.
But truth be told, not only kitties died. I remember another very weird event, that occured when I was away on a fun trip with some friends. It was a rare thing I did anything like that and at that time I was over 20 years old, perhaps even 21 or 22, but when phoning home to see how things managed without me I found out that someone had let the dog out loose and she had damaged the bunny cage so much that she had gotten to the white bunny and killed it. I think there were more bunnies, but the other one or ones ran away. It's not clear to me anymore as we had those bunnies a very short time and it was my sister who had gotten them somehow. Father had built a very nice cage to them, but the net he used was far too weak for the dogs strong teeth. But the thing is that the dog was not even supposed to be loose and she was always chained as she was somewhat dangerous. She was of a breed with really alot of wolf blood and she could become really dangerous, without a proper leader around. Of all the family it was clear that the only two people trying to keep her under wraps was me and dad. The rest made so stupid things again and again so the dog killed kitties, bunnies, chickens and much more. In hindsight I find it extremly peculiar that the dog all of a sudden was loose, just as I was having fun with friends.
Actually it's high proparbility the bunnies got the same fate as the kitty, that the dog killed. Not only by being killed by the dog, but by being put in harms way on purpose, just to torment me for not being there and taking responsibility for everything. It's so weird the bunnies never were attacked when I was home, but as soon as I went away. The dog had a damn good chain, as she used to run away when she had a leather leach or any kind of rope. Even weak chains would not do, so she had a very good chain. The only explaination for how the dog got loose was that she just did. I remember it was mother who told me about the bunnies and gave me the explaination. Father didn't say much and perhaps he was annoyed he'd wasted so much time building the cage and then the dog was let loose and killed them shortly afterwards. I remember that I was only angry on dad for building such a lousy cage, or rather using such rubbish net for it. Now I realize that it was the person letting the dog loose I should had been mad at. But that person didn't come forward, of course. But I'm pretty sure who did that, as the modus operandi of this stunt was so close to the kitty event, when this person had purposefully given the kitty to the dog, totally against all advice and orders she'd gotten.
Now lets talk about present dogs instead of past pets. At this moment I'm about to buy a new dog. It's a small one of the breed called Papillion, which means butterfly in french. She's a few years old and has a white fur coat with red spots and tiny black hairs too. She's so friendly and sweet and loves to sleep in the bed with her humans, which is a problem for us as we have kind of issues with sleeping with too many in our bed. But we tried it out last night and it went well. Sometime we sleep with our little grandson in our bed and that normally goes well too, and since this little girl is really friendly to everyone, including children, she goes really well with our grandson too. She was my daughter-in-law's (to be) dog before, as she bought her a few months ago, but the little dog rather stays at home and cuddle in the sofa, before being outdoors with the horses, like the other dogs like. So she wanted to sell her and I really didn't want her to leave, so I said I wanted her. First my husband was a tad bit against it, but eventually he gave in and said it was okay with him. As I also still has my narcissistic mother's dog here with me, I will now have two dogs for awhile. That dog was left here three years ago, as mother said she'd be back for her in a week or two.
After a few weeks it was clear that she never intended to come and pick the dog up. She'd even said that she was going to take care of my father, if I only looked after her dog for her. And so it went on for months, but I have no proof she ever actually did anything worthwhile for my father, but rather enjoyed herself and her freedom from the dog. Today that dog is quite old and has tumours in her womb, but since mother went back on her promise to keep the dog's insurance I will not pay another operation, if they too grow out from her, like some already did. I paid that time, but that was before I knew the insurance were canceled behind my back. Like I said, she'd promised me to keep the insurance, as dogs passed 6 years old are not able to make a new insurance on, and when I got the dog she was already 9 years old, and when I got the promise that mother would keep her insured she was already almost 10. Now the dog is 12 years old, has some issues with both her hearing and her eyes, and also still problems that she already had when she was left here with me. The dog had been well and fine four months earlier, but when I got her in April 2012 she was stiff and in pains in her joints. Later on I found out that mother had had her outdoors during the winter, for hours, and that cold and dampness caused this illness to old dogs.
This dog, that mother dumped on me three years ago now, is a Shetland Sheepdog and she is quite pretty, though getting old and grey. Her fur is still golden, with white under the belly and some black hairs here and there. Over all she has about the same colour as my new dog, but paler and her fur is so much thicker and longer, which is very annoying as this old dog has the habit of getting shit in her fur and I have to cut it again and again. It's really thick and the house is full of her hair all the time. When she's shedding the fur there are so much hair and I have to comb her alot. That normally happens as the temp goes up and summer comes so I bet she'll loose it soon. That is when I bath the old dog too, as I try to avoid to get her wet when it's cold out, as her fur takes really long time to dry and she's so sensitive to coldness, due to her illness in her joints. The old dog is very kind and she's a gentle soul that's been through some sad patches, as her last owner dumped her like some useless garbage. It's really sad to see how abusive some people are towards their pets, but I'm not surprised as that woman is abusive to her children and relatives too. She's the tricky, covert type that pretends to be a sweet old lady, and who used to hide behind a church going facade, which was all a front.
Under the surface she's a very cruel and heartless being, who loves to torment her victims and abuse people with false allegations, demonizing totally innocent people, stalking people more or less. She's been stalking this blog too, I suspect, as she all of a sudden were following my Google+ account it belongs too. Which is really uncomfortable to know, as all she does is to try and find things to use against me, to prove to people that I'm insane and all sorts of weird and mean things. Why she does that is cause she's helping her other daughter to smear me as they had some house scam running and used me as a patsy to take the blame for what they were up to. I've written about that endlessly, but in short they've been telling everyone that my sister got a house from our father in 1992, and that he refused to sign any papers about it. All not true, as my sister in 2012, after dad had died, showed me a paper father had signed in 1996 about this house, telling that he wanted my sister to get the house after he died. It was to be included as part of her fair share, nothing more or less, and to market value. That is all I remember, as later on my sister said she never showed me the paper, and later on she even said that the paper was written in 1992, and other stories. She also said I stole the paper. So I both never read it, and then I stole it?
Mother was helping my sister in all of this and she was with my sister when they went through father's papers after his death. Mother had promised to testify that I was a liar and that the paper didn't say what I said it did. So hence I stopped talking to mother, as she had proven to be a backstabbing bitch. Since I know how convincing both my mother is and my sister is, I also have known there was no purpose in trying to contact any of my relatives about this issue. Now I also realize that those few occasions when I found out that mother has smeared me were only the tip of the huge iceberg, so no wonder no-one ever never believe anything I have to say in our family. It's even worse, as the hopelessness of seeing lies being believed, and not being able to speak the truth as there is no point in trying to do so, as no-one would believe the truth anyways, causes others outside of the family to not believe me either. At the same time those being believed, despite the horrible lies they tell, get more and more cocky due to their ability to fool others, so they will be believed by almost everyone they meet. That is psychology for you.
If you take a child and put the child down, never believeing the child, never showing appreciation or trust in the child, the child will grew up feeling insecure and not sure about anything. The child will speak with words like "I think" or "perhaps" and get used to the fact that unless there is solid proof of something, no-one will listen to them or believe them. The child will learn that what they can't disprove of what others claim, is valid without the others having any proof atall. Just the fact that the child cannot find any proof against the claims is enough to make them valid. At the same time another child might be raised to always be right and good, lifted up like some specially gifted child. That child might learn that everyone believes any crap they make up, just cause they say so. This child will then demand to be believed just for their words and will not need any proof of anything they say. Others will look at the child with admiration and trust, just cause the child looks so selfconfident and sure about everything they say. "Well, isn't that a clever child" they will say and sigh and never check any facts. As an animal owner I would say that you could use this on animals as well. You can make or brake any child, be it from the human kind or the animal kind.
To me it's natural to try and lift up and sooth any living being, to make them calm and happy and to feel good about themselves. Unfortunately for all of us that are kind and caring human beings there are really cruel people out there, who even wants to hurt others. It's very natural to hate such nasty buggers, if they've harmed you or your pets and I will make that very clear to all "fluff" people out there, that hate is not a bad emotion, when you truly feel it towards an evil person who's done seriously bad things to others, just for the fun of harming. It's however a very bad feeling, when you are directing it towards a totally innocent being, just cause you need someone to project all your bad feelings towards. This is what I've had to live through in my life, where really nasty people have been lying about me to others, making them hate me due to made up shit that had nothing to do with me. Like my sister and mother both have been doing now. They have help from a few men too, but I don't really know all the gory details as I try to avoid any contact with them, and wont listen to any more projections and smear they put out. I've been nothing but kind to all of these people, so yes, I do hate them now as they are very hateful people. Hate is a passing feeling, and it's very healthy for a short while, but to feel better it's very important to avoid those people that are hurting you, causing you to feel hate.
My best advice is to never talk to anyone that is in contact with your abusers. Once you've cut all the rotten flesh out of your social life, you can begin to build up knew relationships. Make sure that anyone that still wish to remain in your life also cut these horrible people out of their lives, as if they keep their toxin in theirs, you will also get harmed again. At the end I like to mention the last gifts that I have put up here. I'll begin with the ninth gift, the girl kissing a bunny, which is totally made from a tutorial, just like the tenth is. The eleventh is a composition I made using the horse, which is from a vector-tutorial I made, and a few other tubes and then I designed a nice frame to it all. The last one below is a re-made tutorial, which I changed into a tagg. Hope you enjoyed the stories and the gifts as this was the last blog about my sites for this time. I do plan to write much more about narcissism, as that is my top favorite subject still and most likely will be as long as I am under the constant harassment of those buggers and can't get away from them. I do hope to soon be able to cut all ties and that people I do want in my life will also cut their ties with these liars and abusers. If they rather be with narcissists then with honest and true people, then it's their choice.
Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane