World of Zakarias

This is my fourth site under my Green World of family and homelife. I've made this one to the oldest of the brothers Zak (he likes to be spelled Zakk, but I say that I've always spelled it Zak, as that's how his real name is spelled). Like you can see on the blog I've written three other blogs about my World, starting with my home Lyckebo, which lays on a farm on the countryside with farmhouses and farmland all around. There are cows, sheep and lots of wild animals too. The second one was about my Family and the third about Zak's older sister Magda and her little son Vincent. But this site is about my oldest son and also alot about my own thoughts about matters. Whenever I write things I like to be able to write as honest and open as I like, but as I've been warned by a well viced smearer it's illadviced to tell about your own life as bad people will take whatever they can find and use it to harm you. In my experience from my personal smearers they like to use my son Zak and to that I'm not too surpriced as this attack begun really early on. He's a very positive and intense person, who likes to joke and easily get friends, but somehow spiteful bitches like to attack him and smear him. Like I've said it started very early in his life, that I noticed this. In my opinion it's cause he sees straight through their bullshit and fake liars with selfissues can't take that. 

So quite early as a daycare child he noticed the caretaker was smelling of alcohol. And of course he told me about it, little as he was. He was only three at the time, but he said she was mean and that he didn't like her. She smelled weird too. His granny helped me to in-school him and she confirmed that the carer indeed smelled of alcohol. As she was the woman's neighbour she also knew she was drinking and not in any way a non-drinker, so no wonder, but you are not allowed to drink when working with children. My oldest daughter was there after school and saw the woman go to the kitchen and take out a bottle of booze and take a drink. So Zak was not the only one seeing she was not suitable to take care of my little boys. The youngest one refused to go there, but he was only one and could not speak up, so he just screamed and showed he was afraid of her. I will write about this brother in another blog, as he too has a site from me. This site of Zak's I have called World of Zakarias and you can go there and see how I have pictured that one. There are some very old and few graphics he did as a child that I have posted, but there are not much as he never was sharing alot with me of that stuff, like his older sister did. 

What happened with the childcarer is that I realized the authorities would never admit to having an employer who was drinking and abusing the children, so I never mentioned that to them, but instead said the baby would not settle in and the 3-yearold didn't like it either, inspite of all our efforts to make them. That made them look for another solution and we ended up with the one carer we all liked the most - a wonderful and caring woman who was very good at handling children. Still she was not a miraclemaker so when she was given too many children it was hard for her to be such a good carer she wanted to be, so she decided to leave her job and my boys had to get a new carer. That was more then a year later, but it was still very sad, as she was so good, but being so good made her want to do a good job, which she was not allowed to and she got tired of the constant stress and feeling of never really managing. She was getting older too, of course, and what was reasonable before just gets too much after awhile. We all missed her alot, but the boys loved their new carer too, who was a happy and cute philipinian lady. No wonder Zak became such a good mate with his pal from the Philipines. For a long while Zak wanted to go there with his friend, which bothered me as he was just a young teenager at the time. 

Going back to the issue of the sudden and nasty attacks and the reason I am feeling very reluctant to share anything about my son Zak on the net. It was long before his friendship with Jai, the boy from the Philipines, and shortly after we'd moved to this place a few things happened that was very mean. Both attackers were younger women. One was a teacher and the other a relative. I forgot to mention that there was a couple of physichal attacks by his granny, my mother, too long before that, when he was still in daycare or I was home with the boys taking care of his new baby brother. One was at home in our kitchen, when I turned around and his granny was about to smack his face as he was standing on his high stool screaming. It had no safetybelts, so I had to be really careful. But my mother intended to knock him off the stool and throw him on the floor, it sure looked like. I screamed out in pure panich to her and she stopped her hand in the air. My husband had earlier warned me he'd stopped her the very same way when she was about to smack our oldest daughter, but today he don't remember what child she was about to smack. I think it must had been the daughter, so I write that down. If you've read that blog you can see she indeed did smack this daughter once, in the face, for crying. That is the kind of help you do not want to get.

There had also been another attack on Zak by this granny, which I could not avoid. I will shortly mention that too before I go on to what happened later on, after we'd moved to where we live now. This second attack happened at her summerhouse when we all was outside. I think I must had been visiting her without my husband, as I can't seem to remember him being there. It did happen a few times I went to see my parents alone, though most times I prefered having my husband with me. I was standing with my two little boys on the north side of the house. Zak was at the ground and he must had been like 2½ years old. His baby brother was in his baby carriage and can not been more then a few months old. We could see granny working on the other side of the house, which lies on a hill so the other side was far below. She was making the house much larger and there was cement for the new part on the ground. She was hoosing it down with cold water and we more or less just hanged around. Zak was annoyed or yelling like little toddlers do, but not behaving in any specially horrible way. Just being a child, more or less. I could see his voice was annoying my mother, but not dream she'd do what she actually did the next second. Suddenly she turned the hoose 45 degrees to the right, and atleast 45 degrees up, straight in our direction. There where no cement even close to our direction that needed to be watered, which is her excuse ever since then.

So she turned the water straight at Zak's direction and some water did reach him and made his cloths all wet. Thanks so bloody much, mom! I had to go and change his cloths, and if he'd been in a mood before nothing had improved from that treatment. Of some odd reasons neither babies nore adults fancy getting ice cold water straight in our face by spiteful old hags. Well, perhaps there are some sickos who do, but ask before or you will be hold accountable for your actions. Which is something this particular old hag never has been and always intend to not be. Cause and effect. So these two actions were done by another relative then the one I was about to talk about, when this memory popped up in my mind. The other attacks where mental attacks and done a few years later by two other women. One was a teacher and though she was only an extra she was pretty rude and ruthless to the children. Their wonderful teacher Britt had fallen ill and since she loved Zak alot, just like she did most children as she is a very positive and inspirating woman with a calling to teach children, it was a great loss to Zak she had to go. We all prayed she'd soon be well and back again, which she eventually was. But not to help Zak and make his two last years at the low level school as good as the first one had been.

To replace Britt they got a nice teacher called Carina, who was pretty new. She was fair and did her best, but at her side she got a real bitch who was called Katarina. She had no interests in the children and rather spent time with her horses. But a girl got to do what a girl got to do, so she became a teacher and harrassed poor innocent children instead. How she did it was pretty horrible, as children have sensitive ears. So she played really loud music on the music lessons. So much that Zak got tinnitus and ear buzz ever since then. His head hurt and he complained to her that she had to lower the sound, but her reply was that he was the only one complaining so no can do. Which is totally vile thinking. If only one person is in agony from something you should persist on doing it? I had to contact the principal as she refused to let him have lower volume and also she refused him to leave the room. He got so upset with her as it truly hurt his head so much he could not stand being there that the little boy, barely seven years old, walked home. We live on the country side and there is nowhere for children to walk beside the road. Only the very slim road where big trucks and tractors drive very fast day out and day in. We also live quite a distance away from the school, so normally the children go by bus to and fro the school. But he came home to me and told me what had happened.

So I talked to the principal and said that my son never wants to put his foot in school ever again, and there is no way I can make him to as long as he has to endure the pain of that loud music. I asked him if please, please, please, he could not be let to do math instead, which he so much wanted to, so he could attend school and get his education. The principle was very understanding and sure enough it was possible. Katarina could no longer torment my son with ridiculously loud music and he could sit in peace and do his math. To think such sick people are allowed to work with young children is very hard to imagine. It's of course cause you can't see their sickness on their outside. On the surface she was a blond and blue eyed quite pretty girl, though not very pleasant to be around. She was sulky and seemed angry, like so many nasty people do. I think they give off that energy to make you afraid of criticizing them, as they already seems so pissed off. It's not good when you feel that you rather go and talk to the principal then with your child's teacher. We all so missed Britt by now. Carina was nice, but knew and she had no idea how to handle the cruel Katarina. As in most cases people don't want to piss off a collegeu at work. I've heard that Britt rather did that then let a child get hurt. But then she's one of the rare ones with true guts. A real person with a huge heart.

This event with the nasty teacher was not very long and it was easily fixed as soon as I realized the problem. What was the long time damaged by her action was the damaged to my son's hearing, as he ever since then have had problem with Tinitus. The other things was the trauma of being abused by a teacher the way she did it. He still mentions this event as one of the key points in his life when he felt really betrayed by the outside world, or should I say, attacked by nasty, evil people for no reason. She was using her power as a teacher over small children to make a child feel really powerless and helpless. What a joy, Katarina! You made a child feel really bad. Good on you! How smart and strong you must feel, bitch. Equally smart and strong as my sister must had felt when she struck at my son for not working hard enough in her garden. She herself has never in her lifetime lifted a finger to help me in my garden, in my home or in anything concerning me, so what gives her the right to attack my ten yearold son for not working hard enough for her? This is another story, but one I will tell you now as it is one of those things that are so revealing. 

The first this story will reveal is how two faced my sister is, as she was all sweet and honey towards me and my children as long as her new husband was around. Like she so often is with other people around. Most times those others are the rude ones, that out of nowhere puts me down and say spiteful remarks to them, though I hardly know them and in many occasions never met them before. So my sister is usually looking and acting like an innocent and kind little girl with the others watching, but as soon as they walk away all the kindness fly out of the window. Wham! And I am hit by a snidy remark and put downs. It happens alot. Whatever put downs her "friends" just had hinted at are now clearly hers to start with. She will also in many occasions pretend the nasty remarks, that clearly have me all upset, never occured. Like it's the most normal thing to say so twisted things to a perfect stranger or someone you hardly know. She will in those cases almost be cheerful, while I feel like a total rotten amoeba. A low life. In this particular event in her garden her husband had been there and said a few things I really didn't like that much, but didn't know why he was so stuck up and overbearing. I brushed it off as just his way of treating others and that it most likely had nothing to do with me. It was just him. Then he left and I was happy to get rid of the prat and hoped to have some fun time with my beloved sister and our children.

I was joking with the children and with my sisters ten year old boy and I thought all was fine now as us women were alone with our children. But then I heard my sister snap at my oldest son in a very rude and hostile way. So totally out of order I could not believe my ears! She actually told my son, who was helping her out to clear out garbage from her garden, that he needed to move faster and work harder to get the job done for her. She didn't pay him for the job, and he did it out of the kindness of his little heart. So did the rest of my children, that were old enough to do a thing. I tried to brush off her rude remark with a joke that maybe he too would become a workleader as a grown up. To that she made an even more horrible remark as she attacked his very future and predicted that he would amount to nothing and not be good for anything. How can a grown up woman at age 33 even get into her head to say something so nasty to a child? To predict his doom and never happening future, just because he moved her garbage a little too slow for her. What a nasty, evil cow! I didn't know what to say to her foulness, so I just told the children to stop their work cause none of us where to be spoken about in that way as we had been helping out freely and gladly and did not deserve this. So we all walked away from the garden and my sisters only son joined us too. That must had pissed her off properly, that I got her son to join me in my protest!

The thing is that I've always liked her son good and proper. I've never done anything spiteful to him, though I once had to explain to him about little children as he was bullying his baby cousin for not understanding some rules in a game they played. I think he got it as I explained it very well that his cousin didn't know the language and also was a little small for the game, so he needed to give him some slack and maybe not demand too much from him when playing. I'm no guru when it comes to children, and not all like me, but most do. I do my best and I don't go out and try to insult or hurt any children. I would never ever predict gloom for a child, even if I could sense they were heading for it. Sometimes I do feel that for children and people in general that this person is in for a ride soon. But I never ever tell them, as that is their ride and their future. It's not my job to judge and spread fear in their lives. Besides. Doing what my sister did was like cursing my son. Putting a hex on him, if you want. Or in common terms she put an idea in his head that he was a good for nothing person. That is the same thing actually. Nasty, evil people put bad thoughts in other peoples heads to make them fail and take away their powers to manifest their own selves.

Still today my son remember this event in that garden and he has still very strong negative feelings for this nasty aunt. She's a bitch and nothing else, according to him. He's so right. Like I said he can see through people and things and that is his super power. I think people like him are the most dangerous there is to those who try to rule us and control us. To succeed in your life when you have that power you must go under their radar. If you go out and try to become Mr Big Shot, they will shoot you down and bankrupt you and destroy your reputation. If you live under their radar and do things away from their focus they might let you be. This world are full of seers, witches and psychics and alot of us do get by even if we see and know things. That is cause nobody cares really what we say. With nobody I mean massmedia and the majority of people. But we do get heard. Like I've said there are many of us, and many kinds too. I am not the same as my son Zak, but I do have some abilities very close to his so I do understand why he's been attacked so much in such weird ways in his life, as I've been too. How things happened in school I can't witness about, but in the garden I was there to see my son did absolutely nothing to insult or cause this bitch's attack on him. She just went for him out of pure spitefullness for no reason then to be mean. 

When you see such events with your own eyes it's not hard to believe your son when he states he truly didn't do anything to be attacked by a teacher. He was harrassed by the teacher on the second level at school too, as she refused to deal with the bullying going on in her class. It was an old friend of Zak's who'd turned on him, as he realized that Zak would be easy to get upset with using gaslighting and triangulation. My guess is that the boy was a mess himself, as his parents are really messed up people. So his mother was a wreack at the time and his parents were fighting alot at home and he attacked his old time friend with false accusations and triangulations. To do that he ganged up with their new friend and he lied to the new friend about Zak, telling the new friend Zak had said and done things he'd not. That old friend of Zak still lies about stuff, so nothing that comes out of that young man's mould I trust on face value. His parents are the same and particulary his father, who's a slimeball. So the boy used his old friend to torment and he also tormented his other friend. That is very narcissistic, as he used others to rid himself of his own pains. But the teacher pretended she understood nothing of all this and only reacted to how angry and upset Zak was after every brake. What goes on during the brake should stay out and not be dealt with in the classroom, she proclaimed to me when I explained to her that Zak most likely was upset for something happening during the brake. She would not listen.

This attitude of this teacher was nothing new to me as I'd a couple of years earlier revealed bullying by one of the pupils in another class of one of the boys in her class. She just stared at me with a totally blank and careface look when I told her about the event I had seen. It stirred no response what so ever. Shortly afterwards the boy I had been warning her about beat up another boy in her class so hard they had to take the case to the police. That's what happens when you let the devil room free amongst your sheep, stupid sheep dog teacher. Cause the teacher should act like a sheep dog, protecting her little ones, and she didn't. She was a total mess after three years with my son, as she refused to listen to my advice on how to treat him and sort out the problem that was going on during the brakes. I had to bring in the same principle as before once again and he had to deal with the problem by talking to the boys concerned. That had good effect and the troubled boy stopped his worst behavior, as he now was caught out. As long as he thought he could fool everyone that it was the other boys doing the fighting, and he was the innocent bystander, he kept doing his lying, gaslighting and triangulations. Now the grown ups knew he was not that innocent bystander and the fun was over.

Narcissists are their own worst enemies, so just like young people ruin many relationships will they keep on doing nasty things to others all through life and hence pushing their friends away by hurting them far too much and never ask for forgiveness. This friend of Zak's has talked about this long afterwards, but when he does Zak is quick to agree they were all to blame. Zak knows that it has to be that way. Since Zak got a serious girlfriend the relationship with this friend turned more turmoil again. I will not go into that, but I can say alot of shit happened and all through that Zak cared and loved his friend dearly. He's a very forgiving and loving person and I doubt many would had concerning how poorly his friend many times treated him. It's very clear he wants Zak to brake up with his girlfriend and that he's envious over the relationship. All his friends, he used to look down on, has bonded with babes and have lives, while he just never seem to. It's not cause girls don't love him, but cause he's unable to love. I feel sorry for him, I truly do, as he needs to mend his heart and learn to love, before it's too late. That is a very sick puppy that boy and I know his mother has worried alot about him, being a very broken hearted girl herself. I wish I could heal that family as they are not a bad lot, just are pretty messed up.

I loose myself in these stories, so before I will go on I wish to speak a little about the art I show here. I've choosen what to make and put on Zak's page and he has nothing to do with these images, mind you. If he likes anything I'm happy with that. At the very top I put a graphic I designed myself using white tigers and a fantasy lady. Zak loved tigers when he was small and his favorite was the white tiger. He had a stuffed animal that he still has with him, though I suspect his girlfriends dog uses it as a pretend puppy or something. His girlfriend has two dogs now and one will have puppies soon they think. She has horses too so they need to live on the countryside. The next picture I choose I made with vectors and it's supposed to be Zak's old cat Linda. The crazy looking blue cow is from a tutorial, but as Zak loves blue and he loves funny looking cartoons I used it. The blue cat I made a personalized frame to using a tutorial as Zak always wanted a blue cat. Since last year he has one as they found a few kitties in a barn and one was all blue, like the one in the picture, and his sister was blue and white, so they kept them and took care of the rest and sold to new homes. The log deer is made from a tutorial and it was just funny looking, fitting for a bloke. The two fools I just gave to Zak's site as it was in blue and the Sagittarius graphic is from a birthday page I made for Zak using a tutorial, but changing some. 

The purple flower is actually one that Zak picked when he was a little boy and he gave me. I've drawn the flower using vectors, so it's not a photo, mind you. Zak called these flowers butterfly flowers, so the frame I've put around it is from a tutorial called Butterflies are free. The lovers above are a tutorial and so are the hot lady below. I've not remade anything on these two, and only added the texts. I will go on while I'm on it and mention the rest too. Below the lady in black leather there is a picture of an elephant I made from a tutorial. I don't really like it, but I put it into a graphic I made, with white tigers and a blue starry sky. Elephants represents a good memory and wisdom and loyalty. All good qualities I feel Zak has. The white tigers are courageous and beyond being Zak's favorite animals my totem animal is a white tiger, so I wish to watch over him like that. Not being too much, staying out of the way, but calmly waiting and watching. If anyone tries to harm him I will strike and kill mercilessly, like a tiger mother would. Symbolically speaking as I rarely slite throats in physichality, but more in meta reality, so his fows are slain. Sounds more wicked then it is, but if you've lived it you know that it is pretty much how it is. Now he and his girlfriend has another white tiger at their side as her mother is doing alot of fighting for them. She's a real tiger lady I can tell you and I don't know how she manage to fight so much as she does as I'm more like the lazy one laying down in the picture, and she's the one standing up puffing at me. That is a funny picture! 

Zak's girlfriend has been through quite alot in her life and so has her family, so when she and Zak hooked up she wanted a brake from it all and her mother was very upset that she could not make her little girl come home. Instead she was here all the time and we had to move Zak from his tiny room to our big bedroom so they could get more room. We moved to our oldest daughters big room as she'd moved out of the house with her little son. We redecorated her room a little bit and it got very pretty. We also remade the floor in our old room as the young couple hated the old floor which was all stained. Now they have long since moved out starting a year ago when the girls dad got an apartment to her. He rented it in his name and she could use it like her own. Zak also moved most of his stuff there, but it was a small place and he never officially moved out. His bed and room was still here in our house, but that didn't hinder my sister to write to the Court that my then 19 year old son was all grown up and living on his own. Nobody checks facts so liars can get away with almost anything. How she knew that his girlfriend the very same month had been given an apartment by her dad must be thanks to our mother. I had warned them to not fall for the little nice old lady rutine, but Zak still believed his granny in some way must care to have a relationship and his girlfriend didn't believe me at all, of course. Teens never do.

So when they found out that my sister had written this to the Court they immediately realized the information came from the granny whom they'd told the news about the apartment to as they'd let her be "friends" on some community on the net. Zak's granny had used the information about his girlfriends apartment to assists his bitch of an aunt to frame his mother, by making it out that I had nothing to do with my son's affairs. The truth is that I paid for the lawyer he used. I was the one hiring the lawyer, not my son, and she lied to the court saying I had nothing to do with it, as my son was since long grown up and gone from the home. What lies. He was still officially living at home, and when she wrote the letter to the Court it was the same month as Zak's girlfriend moved into the appartment. The same bloody month! And even if he the months following the move mostly was at his girlfriends place it was very close by and I was over at their place several times a week, and they were here every second day. I helped them and they helped me, as I had a job for them in my garden I paid them for and which wasn't finished until ten months later. Liars, liars, liars. The young couple felt so betrayed by the granny they came here in quite a state, totally furious she'd used this information to slander us like that. 

When it comes to the true seers of this world they all tend to be from the true origin of things and hence not accepting betrayal and being used like that. When they do not suspect others to do the unthinkable and let down their guard and ignore warnings and don't listen to their guts it's very upsetting when you get stabbed in the back and realize you should had listened to both your gut and that silly old mother who tried to warn them. I told them to not post or mention anything about their lives that could be used against us, if they wanted to stay friends with the old evil hag. I guess the girlfriend couldn't imagine a granny could twist and turn the truth like my mother could, but that's what she is an expert in. She's a bully and she can use anything you say to defame you with. If she is fighting you and you most likely wont know until it's too late you are as her favorite trick is to pretend to be your friend. I heard the term frenemies about such fake friends, and I think that is a perfect term for it as she's stabbing you in the back, again and again, and you don't have a clue, just a very sore back. I will tell you the latest stabs this woman has done to my back so you will get the picture. You see, when I found out she was going to lie to help my sister in her scam to not have to follow her written agreement on a house she wanted to have I refused to discuss that matter with her - at all. So I refused to talk to her. When I realized that mother refused to believe me and my witness that I indeed had read the agreement and that it was my sister showing it to me, I openly broke off with her in an open mail. And I told her straight out it was cause she'd decided to believe that I'm a liar. 

That was in May 2013 and she never bothered to reply to me on that one. Instead she wrote an insulting mail on my birthday ten days later. In those seven rows she lied nine times. My husband wanted to explain to her again why I'd broken off with her, and he also told her how unfair she'd been treating me and how she sided with those trying to smear me and brake me. All about how badly I'd been treated and bullied she ignored and pretended he was the one harming me. She did admit to him she'd never read the agreement though. Then she spread her tale about his abuse to everyone who wanted to listen. That's how nice she is. A few months ago she phoned me and she straight out lied and said she'd done nothing of the above. She'd never tried to help my sister with the inherance. She claimed that was pure nonsence by me. Last week she wrote a mail to the lawyer and sided openly again with my sister and made up more lies being married to father in 1992 and so on. She did however not send that mail to me, so I'd got proof she was doing this. Sneaky old cow. It takes perhaps a few years but one day we all wake up from our slumber. We might be fair, loving and caring people, but alot of people are truly sick bastards who like to harm others. We need to trust our guts and not be so blind. Bad people are no company to keep. I wish the best for Zak and I'm sure all will work out as they do have lots of courage and bravery. All that will weigh up any mistake you do in your youth, cause you care and trust others that don't deserve your trust. It will take time, but eventually, the more good people they let into their lives, the less bad people will fit in.

Magnolia Lane

World of Rainbows

I've been spending quite a time to update my website and deleting ugly gifts, or just small and old gifts. I put up those I deleted on my google+ account Magnolia Lane, for all to enjoy. It was a nice feeling to be able to do some work on the site and on graphics as too much time has been spent on dealing with the horrible behavior from my family this last year, that totally revealed once and for all that they have no compassion, no remorse and are not worth to spend more grief over. It's not as easy as it sounds to go "no contact" and then all is fine and dandy, so it's taken alot of soul searching and investigating into the matter of pathological families to wrap my head around this issue. But when doing all that I missed out on working with what I really wanted to do. And that is another matter that I've had issues with them my whole life. They always seem to want me to NOT do what I really want to do, but they always ignore, belittle and ridicule what I love and really want to spend time doing. So them making me have to investigate so much, to understand what was happening, in a way they got what they wanted. Me not doing what I really wanted to do. But I doubt they wanted me to investigate their pathology! 

I am showing some things from my first webpage here. It's called like you can see in the headline - World of Rainbows. There is nothing occult or mysterious about that name, as it's actually a reference to the fact there is alot of rainbows here where I live. I have tons of photos with rainbows over our house. I once started that page as we've moved down here from middle Sweden and the first thing I noticed was all those beautiful rainbows. In the beginning I had lots of photos and stories about the house, but many of the original material is deleted now. It's not as easy to find out exactly what house it is now, as I wanted to make it more anonymous. I did intend at the beginning to be very open and invite all my family and friends to my websites and did invite alot of them to my webgroup Magnolia Lane, but the reactions I recieved were very odd and not as I had hoped. Today, after all my research into toxic families that smear and scapegoat some people the reactions are not odd and peculiar anymore. They are perfect reactions from people who have been led to disbelieve and disrespect a person.

At the time I sent out my invitations I was very naive and thought everyone was avoiding me cause I'm such a shy and introvert person that they kind of had given up on me as I kept to myself. I thought, very naively, that they'd all be happy that I'd opened up, like a butterfly from the cocoon, and tried to contact them. That assumption couldn't be further from the truth. Today I do understand that it was never that I was too shy, too introvert, that was the problem. I know many shy and introvert young people that still are well liked and not treated like they had lepracy or something. They are seen as the sensitive, emotionally vulnerable people they are and actually loved and cared for by their families cause of those facts. They are appreciated as they want to help out, and offer their help with no desire to get anything in return. The family speaks highly of them and they say how sweet and helpful these youngsters are. But in a family with smearing and scapegoating you will find that none of that occure. What happens instead is that those smearing the introvert will pretend they have done all the nice and helpfull things he or she has done, and they will put the blame for all their own dirty tricks on the loner, who is not likely to gossip and find out he or she has been smeared and scapegoated. 

So what happened was that nobody wanted to join my group, which at that time was called Family Webnet. I had intended it to be a fast line for family news, like babies and birthdays, where everyone could send a little note for all to see. I had intended the group for family members only, but not made any decisions about how far off related a person needed to be. I was so excited and just before I started the group I had helped my oldest brother to invite loads of family to his mailinglist for one side of our family - father's side. In hinesight I realize it was a big mistake letting me send out those invites and not one of them agreed on joining his mailinglist. I don't know if it's cause of the smearing going on about me or about him, as we've been both smeared. I do think many more like him then me as he's so much more extroverted then me, and he's much better at ignoring insults and bad behavior from relatives. It seems to mostly not affect him nowdays, but there was a time he was very affected by atleast one person - mother. She had an accute nack of breaking him totally down, and I so regret not noticing all her little devious tricks when doing that. She used his own handicap against him, to stir him up and put him down. Her goal always seemed to be to make him feel totally inadequate, like him feeling good about himself deeply disturbed her.

It took me quite awhile to get it - that nobody wanted to know me and did not care for me. But at that time, back in late 2003, I was still very naive. I had sent out invitations to loads of family for my brothers mailinglist and I think one big reason I so much wanted to help him out was cause I'd been told 3 years earlier by his wife, that he'd been very mad at me for four years, starting in 1996. We'd been good friends at that time and we travelled to the US together. Also our brother, who's born between us, was with us. On the airport we joked about him feeling embarassed about us, as he walked far away from us. During all our stay in the US he actually acted embarassed. First I'd thought he was embarassed about his older brother, as he do tend to talk alot and quite loud too, but after awhile it was clear to me he was just as much, or maybe even more, embarassed about me. He'd asked me to drive and begged me to not tell his older brother he'd asked me. Then later on he told his older brother I was the one DEMANDING to drive. This is what caused him to be angry at me, according to his wife. Nowdays he does not remember any of that as he only remember how utterly mad he was about mothers behavior on that trip. She used my pregnancy illness and general discomfort to bully the oldest brother. 

So first off I was puking and not being able to eat anything, and freezing and not being happy, but on top of that the oldest brother had panick attacks and were mistreated for being claustrophobic and too warm. I had to sit in front in the car, not driving thank god though, but in the cold of the air condition, and he had to sit furtherst in the back where the air was too warm. And I got nothing to eat, while having to watch all the rest fill their guts with delicous food. That trip was pure nightmare, and I got so very ill in pneumonia for two weeks afterwards. So very ill. And worst of all - I lost my friendship with my oldest brother as they all set up us against each other with their little toxic lies. Like the one that I had been demanding to drive and forbidding my oldest brother to drive. That was why he was mad at me, and his wife told me in 2000. By then he had had another fallout with mother in 1998 and he was acting very odd back then too. I felt it strongly something was wrong 1998, now I know what, even though he's forgotten. I think his wife told him the truth I'd told her, that it was never me wanting to drive, but that I'd been forced. And that he then just forgot all about it as I was not guilty to what he had been told.

I drove only one time, that was from the airport, and that was it. I was so sick when I drove and everyone ridiculed how slow I drove. While I was totally sick! After that our sister drove the car, but from what I heard I was totally blamed as the culprint behind our oldest brother not being allowed to drive at all. As his wife was not with us in the US she must have been told by her husband all this, but last year when I brought this up her husband said she must have made it up, as it never happened that he'd been angry at me, or that our other brother had framed me as the culprint. Which is totally illogical as she couldn't had known any of that lest she'd been told by someone there, and I sure as hell had not told her anything. So her story ads up and she seems to be a sensible woman who actually record events as they are, and not like some like us to believe they happened. My brother, her husband, has admitted that he does get confused by the families little mind games and gaslighting, and he's really careful to not believe anything he does not remember himself. Which is why he does not really believe that our brother told him I was behind the driving issue and many more things he seems to have shared with others, previously, when he did remember events.

That is totally what they do to your brain you see. Make you forget. I remember things from that trip that never happened he will tell me. But I know they did happen. What he did remember now, many years later, is the big row he had with mother. He does not even remember he was rowing with me too! I was so mad at him for screaming in the car, as I was starving after a long day puking and nobody would ever let me eat anything. They had a joke on me conning me to order raw fish, which I had to turn down as you are not allowed to eat any raw fish when pregnant due to they carry something that will induce abortion, so I refused to eat it. And then I'd just been puking alot and when you are feeling sick you don't feel like eating raw fish. It was hilarious of course, to get the pregnant sick woman to order raw fish. Don't know why I was unhappy with that joke. The only one who seemed bothered by this joke on me was my oldest brother and he tried to be nice to me and ask me what I could eat. I was so tired and exhausted by famine at that time that all I could think about was potatoes. So all I had to eat was a couple of boiled potatoes, while the rest was stuffing their faces with delicous meals. I could smell their foods and I even got to taste the other brothers wonderful meal. I so wished I could had had something to eat too, but not in my family. I was always the one going without and they always mocked me for being so thin. Wonder why... Not really.

That trip made me decide to never go anywhere with my birth family ever again. There where other things happening I don't like to go into, many more in only a few short days. The end result was however that my friendship with my oldest brother grew colder. And after his wifes revelations in 2000 I decided to make more of an effort to make him see I'm not that canieving bitch our other brother is trying to fool him I am. I don't know why he did that - first asking me to please drive as he didn't trust his brother and begging me to not tell that he was doing this, and then framing me by telling our brother that I was behind it all. It's so very horrible and I've been very upset about this whole issue ever since I found out. A couple of years after my husband got a very horrible mail from my oldest brother. He said that since we were divorcing he didn't hence forward wish to have anything more to do with such a manipulating and false bitch like me, but would only stay in friendship with my husband. I remember this clear as a day, as my husband, in total bewilderment, showed me this mail. I mentioned this mail in another blog last year and let my oldest brother read it. He had no clue what I was talking about. He asked me if it was a mail he found he sent in 2004, as I at that time only guessed that it might have been about that year, though I had not much of a real idea really. 

It was just an ordinary day, and we were sleeping in the upper bedroom at the time. That was what gave it away to me, that it must had been earlier on. We only slept there for the first year here and then we moved down to the bottom bedroom. Now we are back in the top bedroom again since a year or two. But that memory made me see I'd said the wrong year. But the assumption it was 2004 made my brother find a mail, which he thought could had been kind of insulting. It made me laugh so hard as I must had been utterly brain dead CRAZY to had thought the mail he picked being insulting. How over sensitive does he imagine I am? That is one smear that they use on me all the time, the family. That nothing I say is real, cause I'm just being "over sensitive". It's a good one cause then you can totally make out something utterly ridiculous is what made me pissed off, instead of actually listening to what I'm telling did. It's a kind of diversion tactic by my smearers. As you might have guessed, like I have guessed by now, one of my worst smearers are this middle brother. The one who could not stand to walk by my side when we flew to the US. The one who put me as far away from the honors table on his wedding as was humanly possible. I've been so blind my whole life. You know what they say - love is blind. He's never liked me. I was born and took the sunlight away from him. He must so hate my guts!

Back to the horrible mail. As I said my oldest brother could not recollect what mail it could be, as he had absolutely no memory of sending it. I said to him that he sent it when he was still a member of his old church and that I thought he was not feeling too well as he was starting to have doubts. He then replied that I must be wrong, as he was feeling just fine and dandy in 2004. That is so typical my family! He made me make a guess about WHEN it was, and then anything I put forward is dismissed due to that one guess. The year was a guess, but my knowledge he was at the time still a member of his church, though starting to show early signs of doubt where not. And he focused on the most unsure issue of them all! I don't blame him for doing so as he's just been brainwashed his whole life to treat me that way. I'm trying to re-program him into seeing me as a human being, instead of that insane cartoon figure someone has implanted over my real humanity. After dismissing my claim that he had sent it, due to my claim he was not in a good way when he sent it, as he was feeling good 2004 the whole issue was more or less dropped. He could not remember sending ANY insulting mail to me and at the time I didn't feel ready to explain in what exact way it was insulting. I don't know, but it was still very hurtful the things he'd said in that mail.

Then things changed as I realized what had happened. Remember who'd lied to him about my canieving plan to rob him of his opportunities to drive the car in the US? Thanks to my beloved sister-in-law, whom I feel so totally ashamed of forgetting to wish a happy birthday once again, I found out about that affair. If she'd not meddled I'd never known. And my guess is that she told her husband, who forgot all about it as he'd wrongly been mad on me. He forgot that he should be mad at our brother who'd lied too. This forgetting game I have been through with a daughter in exactly the same way. At that time she also been mad at me for four years, but it was she herself who told me. I then set her straight and when she found out it was all her grandmothers doings, and none of mine, she forgot all about it. Not even remembering she ought to be even more angry with her granny now, as not only did she smack her granddaughter in the face for being thirsty, but she also caused her to be angry at her mother for four years by blaming me. It's both a blessing and a curse my daughter forgot this. A blessing as who wants their child to remember their granny being such an evil bitch, and a curse cause she still had angry feelings about me for many years. She only had forgotten why!

These events with amnesia made me think. They had both occured after the truth had been told to the ones being told lies. And both had during the time between the lie was told and the truth revealed hold anger towards me, thinking bad thoughts about my character. And both must then have realized he or she had been angry on me for things I had nothing to do with, which made it into unrighteous anger. To feel a grudge towards someone who's not done anything wrong towards you due to lies and deception makes you feel really bad about yourself, I know. You want to forget all about the event due to that guilt. So either you just forget cause the anger is now gone, or cause of this guilt, it does not matter. If you've been had, lied to by trickters, you will want to forget. And that is why I think my brother forgot about the car issue. And I think there is the clue to why he can't remember this awful mail too. I think, in my personal opinion, that our other brother had a finger in that mail too. I think, and I'm guessing alot here, that he'd been told lies and half lies by our mother and re-made them in his head into more foul things, which he then spread to the older brother, and then he wrote me that foul mail. I have no proof of this, but that is how terrible assumptions and tales are spun by those who loves to smear you with their poison.

Why I think that is how things entailed is because we did have a debackle back in 2001 when I had a sudden fit about divorcing my husband, which luckily went over quite quick and we made up. At the time I did tell both my brothers about a horrible reaction from the person causing me to get such an idea into my head. That is a typical hypnotic personality kind you'd not like to meet. I call them vipers who can hypnotize you into wanting all sorts of things and when you wake up from the trance you just don't know what you were thinking. When he did something quite nasty I did tell both my brothers about it and my oldest said he was a dangerous person, whom I should avoid, while my other brother understood his game. I did not. But after that I only spoke to mother about all the troublesome feelings I had due to this very charismatic person, who acted so irrational and over emotional, like he was madly in love with me one minute and the next he scared the living hell out of all of us. I now consider my oldest brothers estimation of that person the best, as he's in jail for trying to kill a woman.

Mother however tried to make me contact this man, and follow my emotions, which wanted to know why he behaved in this way. I am glad I knew better. I told mother that would be totally crazy as that would play right into his little game of claiming I'm stalking him, when in fact it was him phoning me making all sorts of propositions. I was just tired of being mistreated by everyone, and now of course I know he was a malignant narcissist who had been smearing me of reasons only his own deranged mind might know. He's of absolutely no interest, it's just that he was supposingly a friend to our family and he obviously wanted to break us apart and hurt us. So I talked to mother about the fallouts of his emotional abuse of us, and how he'd been misusing our friendship and behaving in such mad ways. And like I said she seemed to think it was a good idea to pursue such a friendship further and I disagreed. So who'd tell anyone that me and my husband was getting a divorce? I can't even remember talking to her about it, but my guess is that if I mentioned this to anyone it must have been her. And then I guess she told the lying brother, who made all sorts of assumptions and he then told the horror story what a bitch I was to my husband and passed it on to my oldest brother, who ended up writing my husband that very peculiar mail. 

If you knew our relationship you'd know I'd been tossing my rings every other week from the day we got engaged. It got so boring that I eventually stopped wearing any rings. Neither me nore my husband liked those rings anyways. Why would we need rings? If anyone of us would like to leave it would had been much easier if we never had married. I so totally concider marriage some kind of prison and I never will seize to think that way. Luckily I'm pretty sure my husband agrees and if my brothers think I was horrible for being touched emotionally by that charming and intense guy, they'd should know the truth before they make judgement. Cause that is what it is, to say it's wrong for a person to feel things for others. It's judgemental. Specially as they both like the company of women other then their wives. So why should I not be allowed to have some feelings for other people too? I am not a slave, you know, though I seriously doubt any in my family realize that. But that is what lay behind that horrible mail, sent to my husband long time ago, and which my oldest brother then forgot sending. He most likely found out the assumptions he'd made in the mail was untrue and deleted the memory. Just like the car memory.

It was shortly after this horrible mail I tried to help him out to get family to join his mailinglist and it was his list that made me want to start a group for my whole family, not only those on fathers side. I was so very enthusiastic and actually believed my relatives would be thrilled and happy I had put together this and done so much work with the page and everything, just for their sake. I was planning to make birthday pages for everyone, and making gifts and spoiling them. Showing all of them how much I loved them, as I've been too shy my whole life and not showed my affections strong enough for all to see. But it all flopped. Nobody wanted to join and I changed the criteria to join that you only needed to want to be my friend. No kinship required. In the end mother did join, just out of pity or something. My oldest brother said he had trust issues with me, and so did all of my family it seemed. All who bothered to make excuses claimed the integrity issue, that I was going to share their private information with others and that they did not trust me on this. Only my sister just claimed she had no time for that kind of thing. She'd been on plenty of communities with thousands of friends and she just didn't have time for the family one. Of course, all of those giving me these kind of excuses are active on FACEBOOK now. All but my oldest brother. 

After awhile mother made a scene about how boring my group was and left. She then tried to make me delete it for awhile. I did however change the name of the group to Magnolia Lane and redid the design from my other brothers spider to a beautiful magnolia my husband had photographed a day when we were in a park with his parents. It was a wonderful day worth to remember. I don't really remember when my oldest brother joined, if it was before or after I renamed the group, but he did join. He's still a member ten years later. I also had a few other very dear members for awhile, but then everyone went over to all the popular communities on the net and no-one was interested in these kinds of homemade groups anymore. Today I use my group to show off graphics and post interesting things on the mailinglist now and then. But most of all I post here on my blog and on this new YouTube with the addition of Google. It's not very good as all you post gets pushed down till you can't see it and I don't have anyone really into my stuff that I'm posting. I don't have any real readers or followers, I know. I would be surpriced if I did - not even my own family gives a hoot about what I'm up to so why should you? :)

As you can see I have not really written anything about my website - that is my rainbow site. It's cause there is not much to say about it. It's like all my sites filled with graphics and things to look at. There is not much to read, not any stories, but a few poems and wisdoms and a little bit of information. My sites are all more like paintings then living news feeds, like some sites are. They just are what they are. I try to have a theme on each one of them, and sometimes it works and sometimes it does not so well. This site has rainbows and a few angels on them, and there is some more treasures buried within. It's built on the love I have for my home and I wanted all my family to share that love with me, so I made it and shared it. Some people do this and all their friends come by and visit and cheer them on. I remember seeing that before I got a website back in the 90's. I remember my sister had one of the first websites I've ever seen, but it must had been her husband doing it as she didn't have any idea how to make one, I figured out years later. I was so thrilled by their website I just needed to learn to make one to. In 1998 I put up my first attempt. This one I think I made a few years later, and then of course it's been redone now and then after that.

Our home is call "Nest of happiness" and I picture it under the rainbow on my website. I used to use a photo of the actual house in the beginning, but then I changed it to a painting by an artist who paints landscapes and houses here where I live. It doesn't even look like our house, it just looks pretty. I don't have much more to say about this website. I had the intention of making it a website of our home, sharing photos and letting families and friends follow the work on our house, both inside and outside, and our garden, aswell as our children growing up. So at the start I had added my oldest webpages to this site, which included my old family-page, children-page, pet-page, cat-page and garden-page. I think I also had the old graphic-page here for awhile. Today all those are gone and I have new pages for those themes. Very different then the old ones. At that time there where also many visitors on my pages as that was pre-FACEBOOK. It was in a time before every second homepage was infected with horrible viruses. I can guarantee I keep my pages virus-free. 

I do hope you've kind of enjoyed the gifts I have shared on this blog. They are all on the webpage. The first and the second I did the frames to myself. The rest are all made after tutorials. A couple is made with vectors, like the one above and then of course the one with the bunny on. Those two I added own frames to aswell. I make these tutorials in my PSP-group, though the oldest two I think I made in another group I was a member in for a short while, until they tossed me out cause they all hated me or something. I'm not kidding you, though I think only one person hated me and she smeared me to the leader who then tossed me out. That is what smearers do - they lie about you to people who then toss you out from groups, friendship, families and all sorts of relationships. The smearers makes your beloved child hate you and they pull people apart who used to be friends. People who feel they need to make such remarks, which might have negative affects on others relationships, they are really not people you want in your life. I didn't know this was going on and I didn't pay attention enough. Mother did tell me I should not speak so openly about things with others, I only didn't think she was the one I should fear.

I don't know why I didn't realize she was not to be trusted. I did the same mistake her siblings did. I choose to trust her cause she looks honest, but she's not. I have the memory of how she lies to her mother and her mother gets really angry with me. Grandmother then thinks that I've been free loading on my parents and letting my mother serve on me, when the truth is the opposite - that my mother had been free loading on me. I'd been buying food, making food and feeding my mother and my sister. Father would never eat what I made. I did that several times every week and more often the older I got. Then just a month before I was to move away from home granny comes for a visit and there is this whole theatre going on where mother has made granny really upset with me. All based on lies. I will not go deeper into that memory now, as I've written so much about it already on other blogs. It's a very painful memory as I wanted so much for granny to love me back. She believed all lies she ever heard about me, but no more. I have met her so many times after she passed away, and she knows the truth now. She knows I am not that evil cow someones are making out I am.

Magnolia Lane