World of Friends

I've presented sixth of my green world sites so far and if you've paid attention they were about my home under the rainbows, and the concept of family and loving mothers, and then all my children. Each one of these sixth sites are linked up to one site each that belongs to my blue sky sites and this site about friendship is the last one that has such a link, as there are only seven blue sites. The reasons for that is for me to know and for you to not get to know, as I don't feel like mentioning it. So this is the last one with a link, and if you go and look it's linked to my site about ladies. I'm a lady of course, so when I'm looking for friends I tend to look for others, as you play best with likeminded people. I like kind and cheerful people, who both is close to their emotions and have hearts that lifts them up and will not let them fester in longtime anger and plot revenges. My policy is to leave behind those that don't live up to my standards, instead of trying to destroy them, like some sociopaths would. That's not my style. Once I've identified a bad friend I will ponder over what happened, and why it happened, but eventually I will leave all such worries in the past. For a short while I might be really obsessed over a betrayal, but that is the best way to mourn the loss of a loved one. To go straight through hell and come out from the purgatory as a wiser being. 

There are no shortcuts to understand the many different kinds of human like people there are out there, as some might not be quite human at all. Some are even quite nasty. So if you wish to visit this friendship site you should click here - World of Friends. This site began it's present configuration after I'd been part of a friendship group called Friends Near Your Heart, that a very charismatic and enthusiastic lady had started. Everyone seemed to adore her, so much that one woman, definitely not a lady, set me up so she'd start doubting me. The founder was totally positive and inspiring at the start and I was a bit overwhelmed over her instant best friends attitude. She tried to help me get friends to my own group and managed to get this member of hers to join my group too. I thought they both were just darlings, but now I know the other one only joined out of jealousy. She unsubscribed shortly after joining, and lied to my new friend that I'd banned her and been really nasty to her. All made up shit, as nothing had went on at all. I'd not written a word to her and her leaving was just as big surprise to me as to my new friend. But the trick worked and my new friend also left my group, dead upset over how cruel and nasty I'd treated her poor other friend. 

I will now tell you what the lovely, charming new friend I'd thought I was so blessed to have found was called. Her name was Celine. I will always be thankful for her trying to help me out and I do hope she's just as innocent as I was to the mess that other friend of hers manage to do. Celine seemed to totally trust that other friend, who I now realize was great at acting like the eternal victim. The more I've read up about narcissism, the more I can pin her down as a covert malignant narcissist. That's cause the coverts always use pity and loyalty to manipulate others and this cruel woman was obviously smithen by the charming and beautiful Celine. Well, everyone was, I'm sure. Celine let a nice brittish woman take over her group Friends Near Your Heart, but her health was very poor and I think the group was then transfered to another and it died. That broke my heart as it was such a beautiful thought she'd had when starting the group, but dear Celine seems more like an intense butterfly, then like the oak tree that patiently waits for hundreds of years, while growing to it's full strenght and beauty. However beautiful a butterfly is, it's shortlived and will swiftly burn out it's little spark of life and move on. So did Celine, both with groups on the net and in private.

There is not much to say really about this original group, as I've forgotten most of it, which wasn't anything spectacular. I don't like idle chatter or meaningless sharing and most groups tend to be that way and I just don't fit in them. I rather create a solid, stationary website with the theme I want to delve into, then waist my energy on chit chat. I still have six mailinglists, but I rarely use most of them. There are two lists for my Green World, one actually called that as it's made for updates on my green sites and also for things concerning my main group Magnolia Lane. The other list is for my PSP-class, my creative group, which first was intended for poems only, but then expanded to other creativity too. All the gifts I show here have been firstly created on this group and posted there. It's a very silent list still, and is mostly used to post graphics on, and nothing else. I prefer it that way and whenever I've in later years joined a group it's been very reluctantly and just for a specific issue, so not too much chatter. The other PSP-group I was on a couple of times however housed a few rude women and also the second time I was on it a narcissist manipulator. That's the reason I don't like these groups as they attracked very malignant people, who like to first befriend the leaders, then make them start witch burning campaigns.

Every group on the net have had it's own little click of insiders, and if you'd make the mistake you mattered to them, you'd made a huge mistake. The bigger the group, the less you mattered. Your only purpose was to do as you were told, make graphics, websites, or sign guestbooks. If you worked hard enough your reward would be a graphic or to stay on the group. Sometimes the graphics were lovely, but in most cases they weren't. So the point of working your butt off for others and get crap didn't appeal too much to me, when there was no chance of becoming part of the group of friends. This conclusion I came to in the early years of the new millennia, and shortly after that all these groups seem to go away by itself. The clicks of friends seemed to end in arguments and infightings. Even groups with names of angels, compassion, and other sweet sounding words did this. Just gone! The PSP-group I was part of two times actually was the remains of one such angel group that felt like they were compassionate, while they used their hirarchy to top rule the rest of us. Not very compassionate if you ask me, and the way I was treated in the PSP-group the two times I was in, was neither in any way compassionate.

That's why I realized that women like to use fancy words to hide behind, while they in reality just want to control others and feel important themselves. The more talented women they let be part of their inner circle to make all the beautiful work and lure in victims, like myself, who was looking for female friends online. There were a few of these creative ladies I really admired, but then there were a few that were just controlling and rude. You would had thought that the woman running their PSP-class was the best of them all, when coming to PSP and creative work, but the truth was that she sucked. She was however sure on herself and felt she could tell who's work was better then the others. Of course she was right in many occasions and at first she was so very nice to me I thought she was my friend. But everytime another member started badmouthing me, she was quick to believe the gossip. So that woman was not a lady either, despite what I'd hoped for, as you are not easily swayed to attack or put down your friends, if you are indeed a friend yourself. Not just by the twisted words by a deciever and word magician. I truly believe those nasty covert narcissists are that - magicians of words.

Let's talk about the gifts I've made for this site. On the top here I show you one of my own creations I made with the help of a few tubes the woman leading that other PSP-group had provided us. I put two of the tubes together and made a frame for the new image. It's the same story for the second gift, as I did the very same with that one, but added a cute flower tube she'd provided aswell. The third and the fourth gifts are both made using tutorials and I think I made them in my own PSP-group, after I've left the other group. Or rather I was tossed out after a covert narcissist had made out to the leader that I was upset with her, after she'd written to me and said that the leader was going to be very upset with me for putting the second sky colour suggested behind a vector graphics, instead of the first one. She herself had several times put backgrounds behind images were none were suggested atall, so her assumptions the leader would take particular offence with my error was both mean and unfair. Still, I did suggest that I'd re-do it as soon as I could, but instead she wrote a nasty mail about me to the leader, about how angry I was with her, so I was deleted from the group. Just a week earlier the leader had written to me that I was a top pupil, her favorite. So it's obvious why I had to go.

Ever since 2010 I've not belonged to any such women's groups anymore and I even posted on everyone of my sites that people should stop inviting me to them. Now my guestbooks do not work anymore, after Dreambook closed down, so I don't have to worry about getting such invitations anymore. Everyone is on Facebook or elsewhere today, and nobody visits private sites. I don't know were all the creative ladies went, but my guess is that either they are painting in real life or they are posting like everyone else on Facebook and such places. Perhaps this isn't anything people want to do anymore either, as those doing it ten years ago was either just doing a little on the side of their jobs, or they were quite old already. Many really good graphics creators I met back then was in the mid 60's, so they'd be like 75-80 now or even older. If they are still alive, as many were also severely ill and I know alot of very nice ladies that are not here with us anymore. That was the kind of people that had the time to play in groups, those that were disabled, but had help with their living so they could spend time playing with their computers. After 2008 that got worse as most with such pleasant lifestyles were found in the States.

During that time I ran accross many more sites and creative women, then only those in the women's groups. I found quite an number of younger women here in my own country and nearby, but then I noticed also those went away. I miss their work so much, but I understand that they had to grow up and stop playing with graphics. They were so very talented and they used to share all their great work for free on the net. Perhaps new talents took over or that kind of work went out of fashion and new kinds took over. I think if I'd looked I'd found a flood of new talents, but somehow you seem to love the first ones you fall in love with, forever. I've posted alot of others work that I really liked on all my sites, and a few friendships awards I've recieved too. All those friends are gone missing now and I never recieve anything more from them. I think alot of people with websites here in my country used to be friends and I only got to know a few of them a little bit. It seemed like most of them really didn't accept me, while a few were really kind a cheerful until one day I didn't hear from them again. There was really not an honest communication ever, like writing back and forth, with almost all of them, and it's easy for me to count those that did write anything personal to and fro.

So this site is not really that much about internet friends as it was from the start, so I changed it to include extended family more, and I put up my celebration pages for relatives on it. For many years I made lots of birthday sites to many relatives and they were all here before, but then I took a few away after I realized that a few of these people are not my friends despite that they logically ought to be, as I've always been a good friend to them. But this planet is filled with lies, deception and backstabbing people who hate you for the most weird and illogical reasons. Or atleast I don't have a clue. One clue I however have picked up in my life is smear. Like I mentioned above there are malignant, nasty, envious people in our mist, alot of them other women, who use smear to put those they envy down. The reason there is no point in trying to reveal these monsters is cause as soon as they've been caught smearing you, everyone has heard their side of the story already. Nobody wants yours. If you'd try to reveal the truth everyone will look upon your revelations as proof of all the lies your smearer has been telling about you. That's how evil and devious female bullies are, you see. They tell their tales so they are the poor victims of you, so when you try to show the world how nasty they are you come out as the bully they claim you are!

Most of my life I've had one or two really close friends and today I must say that the closest friends I have are my husband and my oldest brother. Another one that is very close to me is my oldest daughter, as she was the one child that I could talk to and apart from a period in her later teens when she didn't feel like I was much to talk to, we've always talked. However, we can tend to get a bit intense as we are also very emotional both of us. But she's the female I now talk to about matters the most, even if I don't talk that much with her anymore. Her younger sister has never liked to talk about "boring" subjects so there is not much meaning in pursuing that road, even if we love each other dearly. Another child I can talk to is my oldest son, so all in all it seems like I have two children that I can be somewhat friendly to, or talking to, which is why you have friends. I think that is pretty amazing and I do hope that once my younger two are fully grown they too one day can talk to me more. Friends do not have to be people outside of your family, as sometimes the best friends are people you are related to. I used to be friends with relatives in my family of origin too, as I mentioned, but now there is only one left that I am a friend with as the rest turned out to not be my friends at all. 

It's like this with friendships that are ended, that outsiders never understand why you brake up. They tend to think you were overreacting and that nothing is that bad. I tell you that if I brake up a friendship with someone they've done pretty horrible things for quite along period of time. I'm the kind that rather swallow the shit then make a big row about it. And then I try to forget and move on. That's how I've been with my family of origin for 50 years, until they just had to go over the top and totally fuck with me in the most horrible and cruel manor they could come up with. I will not go into all the shit they did here, but I tell you that if I was supposed to eat that shit too and not stand up for what I knew was right I would not have any self dignity left. I'd feel like a shithead, a lying, pathetic cow, for the rest of my life, if I'd not stood up for what was right and true at that moment. I've watched them rob me and my children out of so much money for so long, but this was not right. I could not let them do this again, with so much money, when I knew and they knew that I've hardly gotten anything all these years, compaired to them. And now I knew they wanted to oppose our fathers last will, just to screw me and my children over one last time.

That's the reason they are now spreading their own smear about me to all our extended family and friends. What I've heard their tale is that I'm jealous cause father gave them houses and I want to steal those houses from them. And then they add alot of sob stories to that tale about how I'm having a hate campaign about them, particulary one about the sister who showed me the proof that her house was never a gift from father to her at all. She must had showed it to me to create all this conflict, while she at the same time had been telling everyone that she was so affraid I was going to fight her over the house. I'm sure she's been telling people that I've been jealous about that house, while in truth I believed her and never thought about it. Until she showed me the proof, after father died, that she'd lied to me all these years. First I thought she might not had lied all the time, only in the beginning, as the paper was made four years after she'd begun spinning her story about her getting the house from father. So at first I thought she must surely had stopped saying that after the paper was made in 1996, and that it was only our mother who'd been telling that story after that time. That was what I thought in 2012, when I read the paper, and what I thought until my sister lied the year after.

That's when I knew she was never my friend and I deleted everything about my sister on this page. Up till that day, when she lied about her showing the paper, denying it, I'd believed she deep down was my friend for life. That was one of the most cruelest waking ups I've ever had, and it took quite awhile to get the feeling of sick to go away, the nauseating sick feeling that is. It's like the wife who's believed her husband was faithful all those years and then suddenly finds out he's had a mistress for years. It's a shock to realize that someone you choose to trust is really not a person worth that trust. I would say that of all betrayals I've encountered in my whole life this one by my sister takes the top score. Nobody else in my life has done something so horrible to someone they owe so much to, and ought to care so much for what that person thinks of them. It just does not make any sense to me that you'd do that, until I read up on personality disorders and there was the only answer. A normal person, without any drug problems, would cherrish the love of their closest kin too much to do such a thing, but a person without a conscience, no remorse, no lasting sentimental feelings for neither mothers or other caregivers, she would not care who she toss under the bus.

The purple gift with the grapes and the wine glass is from my last birthday page for my sister. When I see that gift it makes me really sad, as it reminds me of how selfish and void my sister truly must be. While I made her a big birthday basket on her 30th birthday, driving around with my four little ones to find everything to put in that basket for her, she bought a cheap rubbish stick in the ugliest vase ever for my 40th. Of course she pitched in with half the cost for a massage, but gave herself also one. A whole one. The webpage I made for her while my grandson and daughter was in hospital fighting for his little life, as I could not go to my sisters birthday party. Even if there hadn't been the issue with my sick and prematured grandchild I had no money. None at all. She didn't seem to understand this and I still don't think she does. So I made her this pretty site instead and wasted time to make it specially for her. When I barely survived to 50, as I'd had a longterm bloodillness that's been too long undetected, she gave me a postcard with a champagne bottle and an empty promise she'd pay a day at the spa with her, if I only came to see her. That sounded very nice, only that both my daughter and mother had told her I didn't want to go to the spa. I even told mother to tell her "over my dead body I did that again".

Still, I didn't broke off cause she obviously is totally insensitive, does not care for what I want, and only want to give me what she likes to do. No, I've seen that my whole life with her that she only cares for her own ideas and therefore ruins things for others. She's not a good friend to anyone, if that is how she treats people, as people want gifts that they've wished for, not something the giver wants. In this respect she's much like her real mother, as that is something she'd do. I am the kind that tries to figure out who a person is, before I buy them a gift. It's not always easy, but I do try. To buy people things you yourself like, and refuse to look who the other is, that is not friendly at all. It's a sign of disrespect. It's even rude. How rude people get away with this behavior and still make you stay as a friend, is cause they make you feel stupid for liking stupid things. They straight out bully you, devalue you and that's the way they keep friends. I don't know if she has friends she's nice to, but only that I was not treated in a nice enough way, and I don't believe I had too high demands. I'd say that careless treatment of your friends is the major reason they decide to stop socializing with the rude person. But rude people most likely don't care when friends they treat badly leave them, as otherwise they'd not treated them so poorly.

What I'm trying to say is that if you notice your friend is starting to treat you worse then before, avoiding you, putting you down, making snidy remarks to you, joke about you with others in hurtful ways or doing anything else that do not feel okey for you, then you should take it as a sign that your friend is not a friend at all. It might be a very cruel way of ending your friendship made by a person who only uses people as friends and then ditch them. However, it happens that a friend starts to behave irritated towards you cause you've hurt them yourself. Many people think they have a right to put down others and treat them like they were stupid just for having opposing opinions on something. That will make the one who actually know much more about a subject very annoyed, particulary when being ridiculed by someone who is brainwashed by media to think a certain way. It's hard to know that you know alot and not being able to communicate all you know in words in a few short lines to a person who's dead set at ridiculing you. If you've treated a friend that way you might not be surprised if they don't like you anymore, so if that is the case you might count on them seemingly withdrawing from you and treating you worse and worse. It's a question with the hen and the egg, who came first.

The first time I got seriously annoyed with my sister was at Christmas 2006. Up until then I've not really lingered onto anything she'd said or done, no matter how annoying it had been. I think she just managed to backstab me too many times starting from that Christmas. It was that event that made me decide to not come and visit her again, as what happened on that visit was so devestating for me that it made me very ill for a couple of weeks afterwards. I never have forgiven her for what she said and how she behaved that Christmas. She more or less tossed me to the dogs. She used me to take all the shit so she could get away without having to take any. It was cowardly and it was something I'd never in a millions years would had done to her, as I've always been on her side and always supported her and had her back covered. But she could clearly see how ill I was, and I had became this ill starting from helping her move three years earlier. Another one bullying me that Christmas was mother, and she knew all about how ill I'd been. But of some reason I didn't expect anything else then nasty betrayal from that bitch, but from my sister I expected far more so that was the event that made me see who she was like and it wasn't me.

Let's talk about the other gifts, as I did mention the purple grapes, which is a creation I made using the paintings of a great artist. The lady with the hat is made from a tutorial and so is the old times graphic with the little children. The pink picture with the 20's girl and the vase with the flowers are also made with tutorials. The victorian lady looking towards the ship is made with a tutorial, although I added a frame and the one below here I played with several tutorials and added them into a whole picture and added a few girls from tubes to the room. Of all the items in that picture I've made the candle in the foreground, the clay pot to the left of the stove, and I've made the stove and the green vases and the whole candlestick between the vases. Then I tried to make it look like a brick wall and a wooden floor and framed the whole thing. At the bottom of this post there is also a tag, which I made using a selection tutorial. That was all the gifts that I've choosen to show here, but there are many more graphics on the site. One thing I have on the site is pages with graphics and poems one can choose to send to a friend. So called friendships cards. 

A friend is someone who listens to you, but also someone who cares what you say. I have a little book about friendship I've had since I was a small child, and I used to read it alot also to my own children. What a true friend is. A true friend is actually more someone who cares about you alot, then someone who only listens to you. Someone who only listens might not like you, and might even use all you say to harm you with it, as by listening they learn all your likes and dislikes, but also about everything that you've been hurt by before. So a true friend is someone who cares to avoid hurting you, and particulary knows how to avoid repeating any old trauma you've already been thrue. A friend is someone who's there for you when you need someone, and that is true. When I've needed a friend I've noticed some people are never there. People I truly thought would be the first to be there, wasn't at all. A friend is someone who looks after you when you are ill, and help you when you are too overwhelmed. Again, I've had to realize that this is not the case, that the people I thought would be there, they were not. So friends have been occasional others in those matters, and in most cases there has only been my husband.

Already when I was very young I was used to not have that many friends, and despite having a few periods I did seemingly have many they were never that close and eventually I kind of realized that I'm more of a loner then a person with friends. I like to have friends, but it becomes too painful to go through one betrayal after another so atlast I deceided to stop trying so hard to have friends. If a friend would come it was ment to be, otherwise I will just hang out with people I meet and be friendly to them. I truly believe you can be a friend for a day, and make a difference. If you try to cling on to people and have expectations you are bound to be disappointed. In some way or another they will betray you, atleast by believing lies and fictions some malignant toxic person made up. It never fails and that is my greatest fear with having friends, as that is so hurtful whenever it happens, that someone you thought knew you believe utter crap about you. Today there are ex-friends out there who became my ex-friends cause they believed such foul lies about me. To imagine that a person who might have known me for decades, almost a lifetime, can put trust in the most horried smear about me, and still be considered to ever have cared for me or been my friend is ridiculous. Of course such a person was never my friend.

So the conclusion with friends is that it's better to have a few you can trust, and who truly trusts you and wont believe crap about you, then to have many that only use your friendship and help, but don't care for you and don't believe in you really. Fake friends is worse then straight out open enemies, as you will trust them and tell them things they can use against you, so they are the worst. The only way to know who's a real friend and who's a fake friend is to put them through the process of listening to smears and lies about you. A true friend would listen to your side of the story before judging you, while a fake friend would not care for a word you had to say in your defence. You are judged by the slander they've heard and might in many cases help out to slander you more just to gain popularity with the one slandering you. A true friend would listen to reason, look at facts and would not let themselves be smithen by sweet words and popularity. Actually some of the most canneving people are very nice, sweet and seemingly caring. It's cause you catch more flies with honey and alot of bullshit then you do with being straight and honest. People like to be charmed and that's why friends are hard to come by. Also most people already have friends, so the ones still searching might be those butterflies, that never can settle down. The oak trees have already choosen long time ago.

Magnolia Lane

World of Vendela

This is my sixth page of my so called "green sites", though that has nothing to do with the site colour. This site is pink and not green. It's cause the green sites have to do with my everyday life, here in my Green World. My country is very green, or it has been so far, but if the tree death continues it will be less green. As you by now must have figured out the site is about my daughter Vendela, who's my baby girl I had late, when I already had turned 38 years old. I hope that will not make her too spoiled, but I think it's too late to worry about that, as of course everyone been cuddling with her from day one. If you want to go and see the site, just click here for the link - World of Vendela. I started this page when she was just a little girl, so there is alot of small girl stuff there. Also the name is more like for a little girl, then a teenager. I don't want to change the name however, as there are so much graphics to change if that would be done successfully. Vendela did play in a real playhouse when she was smaller, but it's gone many years now since she last did that. It seems like that house is mouldy and not too healthy anymore. Which is sad as I'd liked my grandchildren to play in there too one day.

The things Vendela like most to do these days seem to be watching videos on the internet. She says she watches YouTube alot and I guess she also does other things. It's gone a very long time since I saw her play with her The Sims4, which she so badly wanted when it came out. I can't even remember that I ever saw her play it and I was so curious on that game and wish I could play it myself. I have The Sims2 on my computer, but it seems like it does not work too well. Either my computer has too new operating system, or the old valleys are corrupted due to all the cheats I've used. Both me and Vendela used to create all sorts of weird beings, using cheats. I kind of miss those times when we played the same games and made stories together. I'm a bit childish, I know, but I like to play with those sims figures and I wish the games were even more realistic and one could do more things by free choice. I hate games that try to force you in one direction, as I wish totally free will games. I want to be the one who decides what my character likes and what they want with their life. Why play otherwise?

Like all my children I feel that Vendela is more like her father then me. Both in her interests and the way she thinks. It's kind of surprising that none of my children are like me, even if there are some looks that are kind of similar, but even that is very vague. It's like I only gave birth to them and hardly had nothing to do with their DNA. Either that or I am just blind, as some say my oldest daughter is like me. I think she's almost the child most like her dad! This daughter always said that Vendela is most like me, but I fail to see that too. I like to talk about feelings and thoughts I have, but she rather talk about other things, jokes and funny things they're doing or watching. It's very unlike me who are dwelling on stuff, and over analyzing everything. She finds that totally boring, so no use to try to talk to her as she'll tell me to shut up. I would never tell anyone to shut up when talking about deep things, but get more interested, or atleast be too polite to say anything. She's not specially "polite" that way. Her siblings are all more polite, I'd say, even if her oldest brother is known to speak his mind, no matter what. But Zak does like to talk about weird matters that interests me too, and in that way he's the one most like me. 

I would say that it's impossible to say that anyone is like me and to be honest they are not as persons particulary like their father either. Perhaps on the surface somewhat, but not as their true persons. All children are very uniqely themselves, and thank god for that. Vendela knows what she wants and she's not affraid to show it. She will however rarely tell you much, or just one time and then very silently. But she will not tell it again or in a loud voice so you truly understand. She will instead refuse to budge. She will not move and she will sulk till you "get" what's the matter. This has caused us great stress and irritation, as it takes so much time and energy to figure out all these "secrets". Then you feel deeply guilt tripped too, as you always are told that you "didn't listen", or something similar. And you go back and you don't remember her saying anything but perhaps something you could not hear, and asked her about a few times, but she refused to repeat. I don't know why she's behaving this way, but that it's part of her personality and will most likely never go away, but perhaps get a little less difficult as she matures. I think she's very sensitive and the slightest feeling of not being "heard" upsets her. She craves lots of hugs and kisses, but it's hard to feel that cuddly when she's missing the school bus for the zillions time over some unheard whisper.

I don't want to sound like I'm angry with her, as I'm not, but sometime it happens that it feels a little too much for us, as parents. We have no idea why she does this and we've never had this kind of problem with any of our other children. Sure, the oldest son had problems getting in time to school too, but it was cause of his obsessions over his hair he had when in Vendelas age. It was nothing that lasted forever and it was not constant. He normally got up and dressed and so did all our other children. Best behaved was the oldest daughter, who went up in time, dressed and made herself ready from she was quite small. I think I've not had much trouble with getting her to school from she was 6-7 years old. She was the oldest child and had to behave, or that's what she believes was the reason for this. When she was 6 years old she had one little brother who was 3 years and one who was just a baby. There might be some truth in that, as she was a very good girl, though very creative and clever at making hell of a mess in the house. She was the worst in that department, the oldest one. They all have special talents, my children, as you can hear. Both good and bad once, though it's in the eyes of the beholder to judge it bad or good.

To be honest I feel it's a very good quality to be strong minded and not let yourself be pushed around, so I have a very double feeling about all this trying to force your children to go to school when they don't feel like going to school. If there was something wrong with the other children, with some teacher or what have you, but when it's the child who does not feel well and perky and wish to stay at home and do what interests them instead, it feels rather ruthless and intrucive to try and force it. To me we live in a civilization of bullies where kind people are pushed around, and your ability to stand up for yourself is slowly erroded away. I feel truly like a mean person when I force my children to go to schools that are not healthy for them, and I know they are not. I didn't want my pregnant daughter got to her school, as soon as I found out about the pregnancy, since I knew developing fetuses are extra sensitive to wireless radiation and schools are just filled with that shit. But my daughter didn't want to miss any more school then necessary, so she went as often as she could. After awhile we found out something in the developing baby went wrong, and had to go to a specialist already when he was in her belly. 

And when he was born we found out yet two other weird mutations. As mutations is what happens due to radiation it's not impossible that had part in it. All three mutations had also happened in the same fase of development. They even told my daughter it was the same week they'd happened. There were two pregnant women on that school at that time - one pupil and one teacher - and both had premature births, which otherwise is not too common. One like to think that it had nothing to do with the school, but it's hard to ignore it with all the science, so there is a good reason that I'm reluctant to force her little sister to schools who don't care for the childrens health, just to save a buck. At least they've begun to give them somewhat eatable food, which they didn't when her brothers went there. Her closest brother had been normal in weight when he started on that school, but soon he lost so much he got us really worried. He was sickly hungry all the time, and we gave him money to buy something to eat and I sent on sandwiches for him. But then we realized that he neither went well with bread nore milk, so it was hard to find anything for him to eat when there was no real food served at the school. 

As his sister is really particular with food we were afraid when she was to start this school, but she seems to have coped the first year on bread mostly, as she refused to eat the food. She didn't do that since she disliked it, but cause her friend from the past school refused to go to the cantina, so cause of that our daughter felt she had to adopt to her friends wishes. She's a very nice girl, Vendela, but then this friend got mad at her for refusing to go on a school trip to Germany and stopped being friends with our daughter. Shortly before that our daughter had also gone against her and actually eaten the food at school, so I guess she finally stood up for herself. Since then she seems a little more healthy and I hope her problems with going to school will vanish as she has one whole year left after summer. At the moment I guess everyone has low levels of Vitamine D, so I'm not surpised also Vendela is feeling low, but spring is coming and the sun. Pity is one method some people try to gain power over others and I've been worried for many of my children as they are prone to empathy for others. Which is fine when you recieve empathy back, but in many cases people are only expecting and never giving.

Now have I lingered on about my little baby girl, who is no baby anymore, but it's time to talk about the gifts I've given her. At the top is a pink graphic I made from a tutorial, using a tube of my choice, and I fell for the girl with the basket. I also choose to do it in pink, while her sister got the original, which was blue. Below that is another one I used a nice picture and a tutorial, but used another effect so the frame got softer. I also changed the colour to this very pale pink, as the original had strong colours. The cute squirrels I put into the same tutorial I've made for all my other children, but to Vendela I choose a pink colour. The forth gift in a sharp pink colour I used a tutorial for, but changed the frame just slightly. The picture was one made of the same artist as was suggested. Just above here is a vector-graphic also made from a tutorial, and then I added a frame I already had to it. Below is a tutorial too, with a lady in pink and turquoise. It's made with selections and not vectors. I think I will stop there as there are so many gifts it gets quite boring hearing about all of them at the same time. Or ever. Anyways, you might see that I often choose pink in Vendelas graphics and as you will see I also love turquoise.

Vendela has blue eyes, just like her oldest brother Zak, while her closest brother Jer has dark brown eyes, and her sister Magda has green eyes. So all children has somewhat different eye colours, and the blue eyed children have not exactly the same kind of blue. I think Vendela has more pale blue and Zak a little darker, but I can be mistaken. He's moved away from home for more then a year ago, and moved again late last year, but will move again next month. Vendelas oldest sister moved away from home more then two years ago, and last summer she moved again. They are looking for a new home, as it's kind of small what they have, so hopefully they all will end up closer as it takes more then 30 minutes to drive to either one of them now. Still at home now are Vendela and her brother Jer, and we don't know for how much longer he's still here as he will finish school this summer. Perhaps he starts university close by and stay a little longer, perhaps he moves and we are left with one teenager. I do hope he will stay longer, as his sister and him gets along so very well and never ever fights. Not like they did when they were much younger and had problems understanding each other. I think they've worked beautifully to learn to respect each other and be good friends.

My next site I will talk about will be about friendship as that is a very important issue for me. But another important issue is siblings and for my world I cannot understand my own and how cruel and heartless they've acted to me my whole life. At this point I only wish to keep my relationship with my oldest brother as he's the only one with decency enough to make an apology for all he remembers he did, but also for things he might have forgotten that was hurtful to me. I've told him that I'm sorry for anything I've made to him that might had felt hurtful. You see, you don't need to remember everything, but you need to ask for forgiveness. Believing you don't need to do that, when in fact you have hurt someone and you risk to loose a sibling cause of your haughtiness is not really worth it. However, evil siblings will try make you ask for forgiveness for things they've done. That's how my other two siblings are, that they think they are clever when they spread out shit about me, making out that I've done what they've done, and try to guilt trip me to ask them for forgiveness. On several occasions I've even read the most stuck up human being I've met accuse me and my humble brother, who did apologize to me, for not showing any humility. That is so irritating anything can be, which is the reason she behaves that way - to irritate. We ignore.

It's very hard to brake free from a cult family, where heavy brainwashing been going on, but I feel I'm well on my way. Many times I've been dead afraid my only family of origin I have left will go back to them, as he does pick up the phone when mother phones and he does read mails from the siblings. I would never do either purposely, while I've by mistake liftet the phone a few times, but that gave me the opportunity to tell her what she'd already been told by my brother. But she refused to accept it when he told her in 2013, and she refused to accept it 1½ years later. What I know have happened didn't, according to her, and my feelings due to all of that does not matter. No, they don't exist in reality and are only proof of my mental illness, as disagreeing with hers lies are insane. Not according to her own brother, who wrote in the 80's that his sister was insane and that an aunt called her acting like she was posessed when their mother was ill. I know what he talks about and he was right. She was calling both her brothers psychopaths to all who cared to listen, just like she now is defaming me. She was totally obsessed with the inherence after their parents, just like she is now, only now she's doing everything to rip me and my children off, and her oldest son and his children.

She's doing that as she wish to help her extension - her youngest daughter. That woman is so like her mother it's scary. They've both had the same surgery on their noses as both had too tight channels to breath, and watching sister before her operation you can clearly see how like they are. She also made plastic surgery when under the knife so hence it's harder to see the likeness. But they are very like. The other difference is that sister has those big teeth some others in mothers family have, but mother does not. I had the same nose as dad, but I had to make an operation as that nose actually gave me migrains. It had a bump and that created a shadow and flickering lights cause migrains. I've inherented migrain from my mothers mothers side, and my ugly thin lips from mother, but the teeth are like dad's and so are most of the rest. I'm scarily alike my father, which he didn't realized until 2010, two years before he died. Up till that he thought I was just as worthless as his ex since 1991 made out behind my back that I was, while she pretended to be my friend. I now know that the only possibility information cae to my siblings, things I'd said in confidance to mother, is that she spelled the beans and exaggerated to make me look bad.

I should not be surprised if she said the most horrible things behind my back as I remember her totally lying to her own mother about me back in the 80's. It was so shocking that I could not believe she'd done it, but evidence clearly shows that my granny, mothers mother, totally thought I was behaving at home in a way that was totally the opposite to the truth. All my help and good deeds ever since my baby sister was born in 1971, when I was almost 9, mother took away from me like they've never happened. Granny believed mother was a perfect saint and I was a horried user! When I told dad's oldest sister about this revelation I had had when 22, she clearly did not believe me. I could hear it in her voice and see on her body language, that she thought I was exactly how granny believed. I got so mad that mother must have been backstabbing me to my whole extended family. What horrible mother does that to her innocent, kind and helpful daughter? Now I have studied and now I know. It's not all too uncommon actually and that is the sad thing about it. That so many like myself have been suffering from bad reputation due to putdowns and untruthful twists of reality, to make some in the family look better. It's called to be "scapegoated" and results in extremely low selfesteem and a stream of unfullfilled dreams in the backwater.

Every family have someone who likes to get into trouble more then the others, and in a normal family that person is the one named as the troublemaker. But in a sick and twisted family it's not the one behaving appalling that is named as the meanance. A totally innocent bystander are. I don't have many exact examples anymore as like most scapegoats I suffer from memory loss when it comes to my childhood. I've talked to the firstborn scapegoat and he has the same problem with memory, only that we together could help each other remember a little more. In short I know for sure that our brother could do whatever he liked and if it was bad enough his older brother, mostly, got to get the total blame for all of it. However, it was an easy pick as the oldest one was quite wild and full of ideas what to do to see what would happen. He didn't seem to understand the consequenses of his actions, so he did lots of things that was not so good to do. And he got alot of spanking for it. In my opinion this behavior only gets worse if there is not logic in the punishment you lash out at the child. If the child sees that another child can get away with really naughty stuff just by framing his brother, I guess the child does not learn a thing more then that this world is a very unfair place.

This was always a dilemma for me raising my four children, as I didn't want to blame someone innocent for another childs mischief. I think it's better to not punish then to punish the innocent, and to tell them to try and be nice to each other. In my family it was the oldest boy who did naughty things out of thoughtlessness and he tried to frame his sister for it. However she did not get spanked but she was often very upset due to this, so it happened that she was told that she was the oldest and to finish the fight she should be the one who stopped arguing, as her brother would not obiously admit to anything. How could I know who was truthful and who was making up things, as in many cases children both believe their version to be the right one? This is not what I'm talking about here, but this is what the liars in my family like others to believe is the case. In my family there were people who straight out lied to frame the innocent for what they've done themselves. It started out with our parents always blaming the older boy for what the younger had done. It was always the oldest fault, no matter what. Like I said, he was wild in a certain age and easy to frame, but he got calmer when he got older and in many ways his younger brother was even wilder after that.

If you punish a child for being wild and reckless you will teach them to calm down and think before they take to actions. That happened alot with my oldest brother who began to be much more careful, and not just do whatever popped up in his head. However, his brother kept doing whatever he fancied for as long as I've known him. And like I said, he was never punished for any mischief he did, ever. At the most the parents laughed at his bravery and recklessness, like it was something admirable. They used to liken him to fathers father who did all sorts of crazy things without thinking them through properly. So one boy was likened to the hero-like grandfather when behaving irresponsible, and the other was not at all. And that taught them different values for the same actions, that some are good and fun doing crazy stuff, and others are just illbehaved. This is how you create a scapegoat, as the one getting the negative judgement will become obsessed with doing right, and no matter how hard he tries it will never be good enough. And try such a person will. They will try until they've made one after the other sucesses, but no matter what they succeed with it will never be admired or acknowledged by the scapegoating parents. Eventually all the rejection will tear down the hopes of ever be good enough and many are the adult scapegoated children that have hit a brick wall.

At the same time as the scapegoated child can never become good enough, there is almost nothing the choosen child can do wrong. So while the scapegoat work hard and get very good jobs, a nice wife and wonderful children, the choosen one - the Golden Child - can go from one relationship to another, have all sorts of weird jobs and hardly get anywhere in life. Some might do really good however, as they got such a boosted up selfconfidence that it helps them get ahead without much effort. It all depends on their personalities and also golden children are not totally like each other. There are similarities, like the selfentitlement, the grandious belief in their rights beyond their scapegoated brother or sister, but otherwise a golden child can be both very intellectual and stupid like an eggplant. That's why my two golden children are very unlike each other. One went for an academical careere, and the other skipped all education and just made shit up and went from there and charmed people to get ahead. In my opinion the first golden child was made this way cause of mother and also the enabler, our father. He could had been a nice person, but all the spoiling and boosting of his ego made him loose it. He's also very fragile and can crack any moment, and then it's not pleasant to be around him as he's like a vulcano erupting. 

All this is very odd to his two closest siblings as we used to erupt when we were children, due to his mind fuck, when he turned reality upsidedown. But now he's acting out of control, ranting, misbehaving and being extremely rude to people, and that if reality does not fit his world view. This is typical for aging narcissists, I've been told, that they begin to loose it, and after what I've gathered people born with an inclination for narcissism can get so much worse if they are not properly raised, in equality and fairness. So therefore I blame our parents for ruining our dear brother, as both me and my oldest brother actually did love him alot, but there is not much to love anymore as horrible as he's become. And while a narcissist gets worse by age, us two non-narcissists have learnt the uselessness in arguing with narcissism. We've learned that it's better to walk away then try to reason with them, or try to make such a person see anything your way. A narcissist does not care if you are hurting, he does not care if he's wrong about you, or that he's been helping out to destroy someone who loved him with all her heart. Narcissists only care to protect their EGO of righteousness, and we as brother and sister to such a being must realize that and emotionally detach from him and the kind of abuse he's lashing out at us.

Of course I do know that he knows that he's been unfair and that I was telling the truth all this time and that his oldest brother told the truth. That's why he's extra dangerous, as he knows he's been wrong. He fell for the sociopathic lies, which are built up and created during years of deception. The lies that our two remaining women in our FOO have been spinning. It's not for me to say if mother was totally in on it from the start, or if she just adjusted her reality view as she took cues from the master liar in our family. As I've said it does not really matter anymore, as anyone doing that, changing past history of what they've said before, to fit new versions of reality, are acting deliberately false and are also a liar. So mother is a liar, and did I not know it already! She lied about me to granny and whatever bad things she said about me she most likely spread to others. No wonder the whole extended family of old women believe that I'm exactly like her and that my sister is like our father. That is the lies mother has spun, where she made her own mother believe I was lazy, like mother was, and that she cooked and cleaned and did things I did. I helped out so much father didn't want me to leave and refused to let me pay my way at home, as he thought I paid with work. But in mothers story to granny I refused to pay and do any work. How evil isn't that?

When I think back about the shock and horror I felt when I realized at age 22, that mother had lied about me to my dear granny and made her believe I was a real monster, then I also must realize that this lie she spun to others too. I must understand that this was the reason fathers sisters thought my sister was a saint, and I was a very bad person. It's almost impossible to understand that they could believe such foul things about that shy and introverted poor young girl, but they did. I was so shy and akward and I did not have a clue how to talk to people. I never spoke unless spoken to and then I spoke with my heart in my throat, scared to death I'd say something that would upset someone. And being looked upon like a bad person did not help at all. Now I also know that someone has framed me for the chickens that the family dog killed thanks to our golden brother. It was actually his dog, but a few months before he let the dog loose to kill those chickens he'd got bored with the dog, and since I already took more care of her then he did he proclaimed that the dog now was mine. Somehow this action by my brother was then framed onto me and also his unwillingness to pay for the damages was framed onto me. I found out about this 35 years later!

When people use you as a scapegoat they rather not get to know you, and they avoid speaking to you or listen to you. None of my relatives ever took their time to get to know me and if I dared to speak out about anything I was swiftly shut down with a snidy remark, making sure that I knew I was the dirty bastard for daring to go against some holy golden child. My father was his families golden child, what I've figured out, so I guess that was the reason I could not speak about his mistreatment of me either. I truly loved my father but he pushed me away long before I became a teenager, and I will never forget his eyes of disgust when I was in my pre-teen years. It totally devestated me that I've grown into such an ugly monster my father could not stand to look upon. I love beauty and so I will now talk about my gifts instead. The gemini-gift I made using a tutorial and just adding the graphic of the sign in the middle. The tea pot and cups I made up myself using vectors and the pink girl and the victorian gifts are both tutorials. The bunny above is a vector-tutorial I put into a graphic I made and the angel below is a tutorial. When people behave ugly towards me I always tried to make the world more pretty making beautiful things instead. And animals been the best friends I've ever had as they like me for who I am, and not for what others say I am. That's what I wish for Vendela, to be liked for who she is, as she's a beautiful and strong soul, with compassion and love in her heart.

Magnolia Lane

World of Zakarias

This is my fourth site under my Green World of family and homelife. I've made this one to the oldest of the brothers Zak (he likes to be spelled Zakk, but I say that I've always spelled it Zak, as that's how his real name is spelled). Like you can see on the blog I've written three other blogs about my World, starting with my home Lyckebo, which lays on a farm on the countryside with farmhouses and farmland all around. There are cows, sheep and lots of wild animals too. The second one was about my Family and the third about Zak's older sister Magda and her little son Vincent. But this site is about my oldest son and also alot about my own thoughts about matters. Whenever I write things I like to be able to write as honest and open as I like, but as I've been warned by a well viced smearer it's illadviced to tell about your own life as bad people will take whatever they can find and use it to harm you. In my experience from my personal smearers they like to use my son Zak and to that I'm not too surpriced as this attack begun really early on. He's a very positive and intense person, who likes to joke and easily get friends, but somehow spiteful bitches like to attack him and smear him. Like I've said it started very early in his life, that I noticed this. In my opinion it's cause he sees straight through their bullshit and fake liars with selfissues can't take that. 

So quite early as a daycare child he noticed the caretaker was smelling of alcohol. And of course he told me about it, little as he was. He was only three at the time, but he said she was mean and that he didn't like her. She smelled weird too. His granny helped me to in-school him and she confirmed that the carer indeed smelled of alcohol. As she was the woman's neighbour she also knew she was drinking and not in any way a non-drinker, so no wonder, but you are not allowed to drink when working with children. My oldest daughter was there after school and saw the woman go to the kitchen and take out a bottle of booze and take a drink. So Zak was not the only one seeing she was not suitable to take care of my little boys. The youngest one refused to go there, but he was only one and could not speak up, so he just screamed and showed he was afraid of her. I will write about this brother in another blog, as he too has a site from me. This site of Zak's I have called World of Zakarias and you can go there and see how I have pictured that one. There are some very old and few graphics he did as a child that I have posted, but there are not much as he never was sharing alot with me of that stuff, like his older sister did. 

What happened with the childcarer is that I realized the authorities would never admit to having an employer who was drinking and abusing the children, so I never mentioned that to them, but instead said the baby would not settle in and the 3-yearold didn't like it either, inspite of all our efforts to make them. That made them look for another solution and we ended up with the one carer we all liked the most - a wonderful and caring woman who was very good at handling children. Still she was not a miraclemaker so when she was given too many children it was hard for her to be such a good carer she wanted to be, so she decided to leave her job and my boys had to get a new carer. That was more then a year later, but it was still very sad, as she was so good, but being so good made her want to do a good job, which she was not allowed to and she got tired of the constant stress and feeling of never really managing. She was getting older too, of course, and what was reasonable before just gets too much after awhile. We all missed her alot, but the boys loved their new carer too, who was a happy and cute philipinian lady. No wonder Zak became such a good mate with his pal from the Philipines. For a long while Zak wanted to go there with his friend, which bothered me as he was just a young teenager at the time. 

Going back to the issue of the sudden and nasty attacks and the reason I am feeling very reluctant to share anything about my son Zak on the net. It was long before his friendship with Jai, the boy from the Philipines, and shortly after we'd moved to this place a few things happened that was very mean. Both attackers were younger women. One was a teacher and the other a relative. I forgot to mention that there was a couple of physichal attacks by his granny, my mother, too long before that, when he was still in daycare or I was home with the boys taking care of his new baby brother. One was at home in our kitchen, when I turned around and his granny was about to smack his face as he was standing on his high stool screaming. It had no safetybelts, so I had to be really careful. But my mother intended to knock him off the stool and throw him on the floor, it sure looked like. I screamed out in pure panich to her and she stopped her hand in the air. My husband had earlier warned me he'd stopped her the very same way when she was about to smack our oldest daughter, but today he don't remember what child she was about to smack. I think it must had been the daughter, so I write that down. If you've read that blog you can see she indeed did smack this daughter once, in the face, for crying. That is the kind of help you do not want to get.

There had also been another attack on Zak by this granny, which I could not avoid. I will shortly mention that too before I go on to what happened later on, after we'd moved to where we live now. This second attack happened at her summerhouse when we all was outside. I think I must had been visiting her without my husband, as I can't seem to remember him being there. It did happen a few times I went to see my parents alone, though most times I prefered having my husband with me. I was standing with my two little boys on the north side of the house. Zak was at the ground and he must had been like 2½ years old. His baby brother was in his baby carriage and can not been more then a few months old. We could see granny working on the other side of the house, which lies on a hill so the other side was far below. She was making the house much larger and there was cement for the new part on the ground. She was hoosing it down with cold water and we more or less just hanged around. Zak was annoyed or yelling like little toddlers do, but not behaving in any specially horrible way. Just being a child, more or less. I could see his voice was annoying my mother, but not dream she'd do what she actually did the next second. Suddenly she turned the hoose 45 degrees to the right, and atleast 45 degrees up, straight in our direction. There where no cement even close to our direction that needed to be watered, which is her excuse ever since then.

So she turned the water straight at Zak's direction and some water did reach him and made his cloths all wet. Thanks so bloody much, mom! I had to go and change his cloths, and if he'd been in a mood before nothing had improved from that treatment. Of some odd reasons neither babies nore adults fancy getting ice cold water straight in our face by spiteful old hags. Well, perhaps there are some sickos who do, but ask before or you will be hold accountable for your actions. Which is something this particular old hag never has been and always intend to not be. Cause and effect. So these two actions were done by another relative then the one I was about to talk about, when this memory popped up in my mind. The other attacks where mental attacks and done a few years later by two other women. One was a teacher and though she was only an extra she was pretty rude and ruthless to the children. Their wonderful teacher Britt had fallen ill and since she loved Zak alot, just like she did most children as she is a very positive and inspirating woman with a calling to teach children, it was a great loss to Zak she had to go. We all prayed she'd soon be well and back again, which she eventually was. But not to help Zak and make his two last years at the low level school as good as the first one had been.

To replace Britt they got a nice teacher called Carina, who was pretty new. She was fair and did her best, but at her side she got a real bitch who was called Katarina. She had no interests in the children and rather spent time with her horses. But a girl got to do what a girl got to do, so she became a teacher and harrassed poor innocent children instead. How she did it was pretty horrible, as children have sensitive ears. So she played really loud music on the music lessons. So much that Zak got tinnitus and ear buzz ever since then. His head hurt and he complained to her that she had to lower the sound, but her reply was that he was the only one complaining so no can do. Which is totally vile thinking. If only one person is in agony from something you should persist on doing it? I had to contact the principal as she refused to let him have lower volume and also she refused him to leave the room. He got so upset with her as it truly hurt his head so much he could not stand being there that the little boy, barely seven years old, walked home. We live on the country side and there is nowhere for children to walk beside the road. Only the very slim road where big trucks and tractors drive very fast day out and day in. We also live quite a distance away from the school, so normally the children go by bus to and fro the school. But he came home to me and told me what had happened.

So I talked to the principal and said that my son never wants to put his foot in school ever again, and there is no way I can make him to as long as he has to endure the pain of that loud music. I asked him if please, please, please, he could not be let to do math instead, which he so much wanted to, so he could attend school and get his education. The principle was very understanding and sure enough it was possible. Katarina could no longer torment my son with ridiculously loud music and he could sit in peace and do his math. To think such sick people are allowed to work with young children is very hard to imagine. It's of course cause you can't see their sickness on their outside. On the surface she was a blond and blue eyed quite pretty girl, though not very pleasant to be around. She was sulky and seemed angry, like so many nasty people do. I think they give off that energy to make you afraid of criticizing them, as they already seems so pissed off. It's not good when you feel that you rather go and talk to the principal then with your child's teacher. We all so missed Britt by now. Carina was nice, but knew and she had no idea how to handle the cruel Katarina. As in most cases people don't want to piss off a collegeu at work. I've heard that Britt rather did that then let a child get hurt. But then she's one of the rare ones with true guts. A real person with a huge heart.

This event with the nasty teacher was not very long and it was easily fixed as soon as I realized the problem. What was the long time damaged by her action was the damaged to my son's hearing, as he ever since then have had problem with Tinitus. The other things was the trauma of being abused by a teacher the way she did it. He still mentions this event as one of the key points in his life when he felt really betrayed by the outside world, or should I say, attacked by nasty, evil people for no reason. She was using her power as a teacher over small children to make a child feel really powerless and helpless. What a joy, Katarina! You made a child feel really bad. Good on you! How smart and strong you must feel, bitch. Equally smart and strong as my sister must had felt when she struck at my son for not working hard enough in her garden. She herself has never in her lifetime lifted a finger to help me in my garden, in my home or in anything concerning me, so what gives her the right to attack my ten yearold son for not working hard enough for her? This is another story, but one I will tell you now as it is one of those things that are so revealing. 

The first this story will reveal is how two faced my sister is, as she was all sweet and honey towards me and my children as long as her new husband was around. Like she so often is with other people around. Most times those others are the rude ones, that out of nowhere puts me down and say spiteful remarks to them, though I hardly know them and in many occasions never met them before. So my sister is usually looking and acting like an innocent and kind little girl with the others watching, but as soon as they walk away all the kindness fly out of the window. Wham! And I am hit by a snidy remark and put downs. It happens alot. Whatever put downs her "friends" just had hinted at are now clearly hers to start with. She will also in many occasions pretend the nasty remarks, that clearly have me all upset, never occured. Like it's the most normal thing to say so twisted things to a perfect stranger or someone you hardly know. She will in those cases almost be cheerful, while I feel like a total rotten amoeba. A low life. In this particular event in her garden her husband had been there and said a few things I really didn't like that much, but didn't know why he was so stuck up and overbearing. I brushed it off as just his way of treating others and that it most likely had nothing to do with me. It was just him. Then he left and I was happy to get rid of the prat and hoped to have some fun time with my beloved sister and our children.

I was joking with the children and with my sisters ten year old boy and I thought all was fine now as us women were alone with our children. But then I heard my sister snap at my oldest son in a very rude and hostile way. So totally out of order I could not believe my ears! She actually told my son, who was helping her out to clear out garbage from her garden, that he needed to move faster and work harder to get the job done for her. She didn't pay him for the job, and he did it out of the kindness of his little heart. So did the rest of my children, that were old enough to do a thing. I tried to brush off her rude remark with a joke that maybe he too would become a workleader as a grown up. To that she made an even more horrible remark as she attacked his very future and predicted that he would amount to nothing and not be good for anything. How can a grown up woman at age 33 even get into her head to say something so nasty to a child? To predict his doom and never happening future, just because he moved her garbage a little too slow for her. What a nasty, evil cow! I didn't know what to say to her foulness, so I just told the children to stop their work cause none of us where to be spoken about in that way as we had been helping out freely and gladly and did not deserve this. So we all walked away from the garden and my sisters only son joined us too. That must had pissed her off properly, that I got her son to join me in my protest!

The thing is that I've always liked her son good and proper. I've never done anything spiteful to him, though I once had to explain to him about little children as he was bullying his baby cousin for not understanding some rules in a game they played. I think he got it as I explained it very well that his cousin didn't know the language and also was a little small for the game, so he needed to give him some slack and maybe not demand too much from him when playing. I'm no guru when it comes to children, and not all like me, but most do. I do my best and I don't go out and try to insult or hurt any children. I would never ever predict gloom for a child, even if I could sense they were heading for it. Sometimes I do feel that for children and people in general that this person is in for a ride soon. But I never ever tell them, as that is their ride and their future. It's not my job to judge and spread fear in their lives. Besides. Doing what my sister did was like cursing my son. Putting a hex on him, if you want. Or in common terms she put an idea in his head that he was a good for nothing person. That is the same thing actually. Nasty, evil people put bad thoughts in other peoples heads to make them fail and take away their powers to manifest their own selves.

Still today my son remember this event in that garden and he has still very strong negative feelings for this nasty aunt. She's a bitch and nothing else, according to him. He's so right. Like I said he can see through people and things and that is his super power. I think people like him are the most dangerous there is to those who try to rule us and control us. To succeed in your life when you have that power you must go under their radar. If you go out and try to become Mr Big Shot, they will shoot you down and bankrupt you and destroy your reputation. If you live under their radar and do things away from their focus they might let you be. This world are full of seers, witches and psychics and alot of us do get by even if we see and know things. That is cause nobody cares really what we say. With nobody I mean massmedia and the majority of people. But we do get heard. Like I've said there are many of us, and many kinds too. I am not the same as my son Zak, but I do have some abilities very close to his so I do understand why he's been attacked so much in such weird ways in his life, as I've been too. How things happened in school I can't witness about, but in the garden I was there to see my son did absolutely nothing to insult or cause this bitch's attack on him. She just went for him out of pure spitefullness for no reason then to be mean. 

When you see such events with your own eyes it's not hard to believe your son when he states he truly didn't do anything to be attacked by a teacher. He was harrassed by the teacher on the second level at school too, as she refused to deal with the bullying going on in her class. It was an old friend of Zak's who'd turned on him, as he realized that Zak would be easy to get upset with using gaslighting and triangulation. My guess is that the boy was a mess himself, as his parents are really messed up people. So his mother was a wreack at the time and his parents were fighting alot at home and he attacked his old time friend with false accusations and triangulations. To do that he ganged up with their new friend and he lied to the new friend about Zak, telling the new friend Zak had said and done things he'd not. That old friend of Zak still lies about stuff, so nothing that comes out of that young man's mould I trust on face value. His parents are the same and particulary his father, who's a slimeball. So the boy used his old friend to torment and he also tormented his other friend. That is very narcissistic, as he used others to rid himself of his own pains. But the teacher pretended she understood nothing of all this and only reacted to how angry and upset Zak was after every brake. What goes on during the brake should stay out and not be dealt with in the classroom, she proclaimed to me when I explained to her that Zak most likely was upset for something happening during the brake. She would not listen.

This attitude of this teacher was nothing new to me as I'd a couple of years earlier revealed bullying by one of the pupils in another class of one of the boys in her class. She just stared at me with a totally blank and careface look when I told her about the event I had seen. It stirred no response what so ever. Shortly afterwards the boy I had been warning her about beat up another boy in her class so hard they had to take the case to the police. That's what happens when you let the devil room free amongst your sheep, stupid sheep dog teacher. Cause the teacher should act like a sheep dog, protecting her little ones, and she didn't. She was a total mess after three years with my son, as she refused to listen to my advice on how to treat him and sort out the problem that was going on during the brakes. I had to bring in the same principle as before once again and he had to deal with the problem by talking to the boys concerned. That had good effect and the troubled boy stopped his worst behavior, as he now was caught out. As long as he thought he could fool everyone that it was the other boys doing the fighting, and he was the innocent bystander, he kept doing his lying, gaslighting and triangulations. Now the grown ups knew he was not that innocent bystander and the fun was over.

Narcissists are their own worst enemies, so just like young people ruin many relationships will they keep on doing nasty things to others all through life and hence pushing their friends away by hurting them far too much and never ask for forgiveness. This friend of Zak's has talked about this long afterwards, but when he does Zak is quick to agree they were all to blame. Zak knows that it has to be that way. Since Zak got a serious girlfriend the relationship with this friend turned more turmoil again. I will not go into that, but I can say alot of shit happened and all through that Zak cared and loved his friend dearly. He's a very forgiving and loving person and I doubt many would had concerning how poorly his friend many times treated him. It's very clear he wants Zak to brake up with his girlfriend and that he's envious over the relationship. All his friends, he used to look down on, has bonded with babes and have lives, while he just never seem to. It's not cause girls don't love him, but cause he's unable to love. I feel sorry for him, I truly do, as he needs to mend his heart and learn to love, before it's too late. That is a very sick puppy that boy and I know his mother has worried alot about him, being a very broken hearted girl herself. I wish I could heal that family as they are not a bad lot, just are pretty messed up.

I loose myself in these stories, so before I will go on I wish to speak a little about the art I show here. I've choosen what to make and put on Zak's page and he has nothing to do with these images, mind you. If he likes anything I'm happy with that. At the very top I put a graphic I designed myself using white tigers and a fantasy lady. Zak loved tigers when he was small and his favorite was the white tiger. He had a stuffed animal that he still has with him, though I suspect his girlfriends dog uses it as a pretend puppy or something. His girlfriend has two dogs now and one will have puppies soon they think. She has horses too so they need to live on the countryside. The next picture I choose I made with vectors and it's supposed to be Zak's old cat Linda. The crazy looking blue cow is from a tutorial, but as Zak loves blue and he loves funny looking cartoons I used it. The blue cat I made a personalized frame to using a tutorial as Zak always wanted a blue cat. Since last year he has one as they found a few kitties in a barn and one was all blue, like the one in the picture, and his sister was blue and white, so they kept them and took care of the rest and sold to new homes. The log deer is made from a tutorial and it was just funny looking, fitting for a bloke. The two fools I just gave to Zak's site as it was in blue and the Sagittarius graphic is from a birthday page I made for Zak using a tutorial, but changing some. 

The purple flower is actually one that Zak picked when he was a little boy and he gave me. I've drawn the flower using vectors, so it's not a photo, mind you. Zak called these flowers butterfly flowers, so the frame I've put around it is from a tutorial called Butterflies are free. The lovers above are a tutorial and so are the hot lady below. I've not remade anything on these two, and only added the texts. I will go on while I'm on it and mention the rest too. Below the lady in black leather there is a picture of an elephant I made from a tutorial. I don't really like it, but I put it into a graphic I made, with white tigers and a blue starry sky. Elephants represents a good memory and wisdom and loyalty. All good qualities I feel Zak has. The white tigers are courageous and beyond being Zak's favorite animals my totem animal is a white tiger, so I wish to watch over him like that. Not being too much, staying out of the way, but calmly waiting and watching. If anyone tries to harm him I will strike and kill mercilessly, like a tiger mother would. Symbolically speaking as I rarely slite throats in physichality, but more in meta reality, so his fows are slain. Sounds more wicked then it is, but if you've lived it you know that it is pretty much how it is. Now he and his girlfriend has another white tiger at their side as her mother is doing alot of fighting for them. She's a real tiger lady I can tell you and I don't know how she manage to fight so much as she does as I'm more like the lazy one laying down in the picture, and she's the one standing up puffing at me. That is a funny picture! 

Zak's girlfriend has been through quite alot in her life and so has her family, so when she and Zak hooked up she wanted a brake from it all and her mother was very upset that she could not make her little girl come home. Instead she was here all the time and we had to move Zak from his tiny room to our big bedroom so they could get more room. We moved to our oldest daughters big room as she'd moved out of the house with her little son. We redecorated her room a little bit and it got very pretty. We also remade the floor in our old room as the young couple hated the old floor which was all stained. Now they have long since moved out starting a year ago when the girls dad got an apartment to her. He rented it in his name and she could use it like her own. Zak also moved most of his stuff there, but it was a small place and he never officially moved out. His bed and room was still here in our house, but that didn't hinder my sister to write to the Court that my then 19 year old son was all grown up and living on his own. Nobody checks facts so liars can get away with almost anything. How she knew that his girlfriend the very same month had been given an apartment by her dad must be thanks to our mother. I had warned them to not fall for the little nice old lady rutine, but Zak still believed his granny in some way must care to have a relationship and his girlfriend didn't believe me at all, of course. Teens never do.

So when they found out that my sister had written this to the Court they immediately realized the information came from the granny whom they'd told the news about the apartment to as they'd let her be "friends" on some community on the net. Zak's granny had used the information about his girlfriends apartment to assists his bitch of an aunt to frame his mother, by making it out that I had nothing to do with my son's affairs. The truth is that I paid for the lawyer he used. I was the one hiring the lawyer, not my son, and she lied to the court saying I had nothing to do with it, as my son was since long grown up and gone from the home. What lies. He was still officially living at home, and when she wrote the letter to the Court it was the same month as Zak's girlfriend moved into the appartment. The same bloody month! And even if he the months following the move mostly was at his girlfriends place it was very close by and I was over at their place several times a week, and they were here every second day. I helped them and they helped me, as I had a job for them in my garden I paid them for and which wasn't finished until ten months later. Liars, liars, liars. The young couple felt so betrayed by the granny they came here in quite a state, totally furious she'd used this information to slander us like that. 

When it comes to the true seers of this world they all tend to be from the true origin of things and hence not accepting betrayal and being used like that. When they do not suspect others to do the unthinkable and let down their guard and ignore warnings and don't listen to their guts it's very upsetting when you get stabbed in the back and realize you should had listened to both your gut and that silly old mother who tried to warn them. I told them to not post or mention anything about their lives that could be used against us, if they wanted to stay friends with the old evil hag. I guess the girlfriend couldn't imagine a granny could twist and turn the truth like my mother could, but that's what she is an expert in. She's a bully and she can use anything you say to defame you with. If she is fighting you and you most likely wont know until it's too late you are as her favorite trick is to pretend to be your friend. I heard the term frenemies about such fake friends, and I think that is a perfect term for it as she's stabbing you in the back, again and again, and you don't have a clue, just a very sore back. I will tell you the latest stabs this woman has done to my back so you will get the picture. You see, when I found out she was going to lie to help my sister in her scam to not have to follow her written agreement on a house she wanted to have I refused to discuss that matter with her - at all. So I refused to talk to her. When I realized that mother refused to believe me and my witness that I indeed had read the agreement and that it was my sister showing it to me, I openly broke off with her in an open mail. And I told her straight out it was cause she'd decided to believe that I'm a liar. 

That was in May 2013 and she never bothered to reply to me on that one. Instead she wrote an insulting mail on my birthday ten days later. In those seven rows she lied nine times. My husband wanted to explain to her again why I'd broken off with her, and he also told her how unfair she'd been treating me and how she sided with those trying to smear me and brake me. All about how badly I'd been treated and bullied she ignored and pretended he was the one harming me. She did admit to him she'd never read the agreement though. Then she spread her tale about his abuse to everyone who wanted to listen. That's how nice she is. A few months ago she phoned me and she straight out lied and said she'd done nothing of the above. She'd never tried to help my sister with the inherance. She claimed that was pure nonsence by me. Last week she wrote a mail to the lawyer and sided openly again with my sister and made up more lies being married to father in 1992 and so on. She did however not send that mail to me, so I'd got proof she was doing this. Sneaky old cow. It takes perhaps a few years but one day we all wake up from our slumber. We might be fair, loving and caring people, but alot of people are truly sick bastards who like to harm others. We need to trust our guts and not be so blind. Bad people are no company to keep. I wish the best for Zak and I'm sure all will work out as they do have lots of courage and bravery. All that will weigh up any mistake you do in your youth, cause you care and trust others that don't deserve your trust. It will take time, but eventually, the more good people they let into their lives, the less bad people will fit in.

Magnolia Lane