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torsdag 30 april 2015

Returning Back To The Core


Today I was again going back to the reason why my sister showed me the agreement dad had made with her back in 1996. I've contemplated this over and over again now for 2 years and come up with different reasons. One was purely legal, that she did it to cover her ass, as if she'd not shown it and the third missing copy would turn up I thought that she was afraid that I would sue her for conning me into signing the house over to her on false premises. Once I've read the agreement, and still had signed the house over to her after her conditions, and not fathers, I imagined that she might think that I'd burned my bridges. I also imagined that as soon as I was to talk about this written agreement, and our two brothers would reject their right to also read it, they'd had no more rights as soon as they also did as they were told by her.

That is how I imagined that it must had been. That this was the reason she made me go through this horrible ordeal. Just so she could earn a few bucks more then the rest of us, or rather, she would gain as much as the boys as she's convinced that they'd both gotten far more then her. She always been honest about one fact - I've gotten far less from father then any of the others. That is also the fact that makes me now most disgusted with our mother, as she actually wrote to our legal help and lied to him that I was one of her four children who'd gotten the most, and that all my sister ever got was that house, she never actually did get. Why she did that is a question for another blog, but so far my guess is that she did it just cause she's a spiteful, evil, old hag who hates me. That explaination will have to do for now, as today I want to discuss the reason my sister did what she did.

As I was out with the dogs doing the garden I was contemplating this issue again, for like the zillionth time, and came to the conclusion that as there was nothing legally binding about the agreement father had written, there were not really anything supporting my first theory. Well, my sister might not had understood this and still done it cause of that reason, but I think I was overthinking it. I actually think she just did it to destroy me, and for no other reason in the world. Like I've said so many times on this blog I was severely ill for many years, starting with me loosing my long hair in early 2002, having serious fatigue symptoms all that summer and then after helping my sister move from her house to an apartment in July 2003 getting sudden muscel weakness. I started falling down and dropping stuff I hold in my hands. It was really annoying as I had a three year old toddler and also three older children, so I needed to be able to carry her alot and do alot of housework, but my body would not comply.

This all escalated through the years with me loosing more hair, getting more tired and also getting problems with memory and other more accute health issues. During this time I did see doctors a couple of times, but they both confirmed I was in perfect health and made me feel stupid and overreacting. The first time I went to the doctor was in March 2004 and I'd paid for a full health check up. Much later I realized that I never got what I'd paid for and that the doctor had sent me home without doing any blood work. I don't know why, but I felt so ashamed that I'd not noticed during the visit so I never went back and told them to give me one, as I'd paid for it. I felt so stupid for not realizing that they never did and for how the doctor had looked at me and behaved. She was so convinced I was faking it and that despite me having all my four children with me, as I never had any babysitter and no free time to myself. 

I mention that as I do remember another story that mother told when she was a young mother of only three. She went to the doctor without her children and still he believed her stories and he almost forced her to take out sick leave and go away from us for a few months. How differently people treat someone like her compaired to someone like me. I am also contemplating this issue and have a few thoughts about why this is so, as I'm sure my mother is something called a malignant covert narcissist. If she's not that, she sure is something very similar. They are known for their abilities to manipulate people into believing them and helping them out. People seem to always want to please narcissists and it's almost like everyone feel extra sorry for them, while totally ignoring the non-narcissists, no matter what they are going through. It's like the story about the broken nail and the loss of the child, where the narcissist gains all pity due to the nail, while the mother loosing her only child is ignored, since she's not a narcissist.

This was of course a sidetrack, as I'm bad at following the red thread, but the thing is that if this doctor had not decided that she was a psychic and just magically could tell what was wrong, or not, with people, I'd been checked then, like I paid for. And if I'd not been made to feel so stupid and ridiculous my whole life, I'd gone back to the doctor and told her what a bitch she was for sending me home without doing the blood tests. And if I'd done that they'd had to do the tests already in summer of 2004 and from there on I'd been put under treatment. But instead I felt stupid and ignored my health issues as much as I could. Also, your body adapts to poor conditions and you learn to hold on to things, even when your muscels don't work alright. Next year I got pregnant, and due to my condition I lost the baby, but I also went to see another doctor as I was worrying that there was something wrong with me that caused me to loose the baby. 

Also that doctor said I was alright and that there was nothing wrong with me. But when I asked my present doctor in 2012 to check out if they did any blood work on me back in 2005, I found out that they'd not done it either. So I'd been unchecked for a very long time and only gotten worse every year. By 2011 I'd had constant pains and problems with my personal hygien for several years, due to a combination of damages during the birth of my children and infections I'd had for years. So one day in September everything just stopped. I could not run anymore, not even the slightest. I'd tried to run to get some training and it always felt like running through thick mud, but all of a sudden I could not even run one step. My heart was pounding and it was exhausting to even walk in a slow paste. This started in just an instance, just like what had happened to me in summer 2003. It was the 5th of September, only 20 days to my grandson's christening.

The rest of the month I was sitting on a chair to bake all the cakes for the christening and I also had to make my mother take her dog back, which she'd refused to come and fetch after I'd picked her up at father's place, where mother had dumped her dog that summer. At the christening I was so dead tired everything was so hard to do and after that event things got much worse. At the end I could not walk more then a few steps and I had to crawl up the stairs, one step at a time. It was just awful and I truly thought that this was it for me. The reason I would not go to any doctor was my insight that no matter how I felt no doctor would help me or acknowledge that I was ill. That was actually true, as none so far had bothered to take me seriously and just decided that since I looked so perky I must be healthy. I must admit that I felt very ridiculous for even going to that doctor back in 2004, as she found nothing wrong with me by looking at my face for three seconds. 

Now I've retold some of this old health story again and if you've followed my blog you know that my daughter finally forced me to see a doctor, as I refused to help her out with her son. She didn't do it cause she believed me, she's confessed later on, but cause she was annoyed with me for pretending to be ill, when I was obviously not. So it was not only doctors not believing me, as I now know that none of my relatives do, nore any lawyers or anyone really. It does not matter what subject, people all over the place look upon me as a horrible person who make up shit that is not true. None of these people are basing this assumption on anything I've done, but on their own prejudices about "someone like me". Who am I then that would be such an awful person that everyone think the worst of? I look like I came from Poland, or Russia, but that is just my outer look.

What does this tell you? That people don't trust people from Poland and Russia? Something inside of people tell them that if you look polish, etc, you are a liar? Is that true? Of course not. No-one is a liar for having a certain hair colour, eye colour or facial features. There is another thing also that makes people believe I'm a liar, by the way. It's cause I've been scapegoated as a child, punished for no known reasons, and when you do that to a person they get insecure and don't know their own rights. That will come out as an avoidant person and people don't trust people who seem to not trust them. But that is nothing you can wish away, as having a low self esteem is engrained in you so early in your development. All of this makes me the perfect target of a sociopathic assault, as I was also recovering from this long illness, finally diagnosed and treated in October 2011. 

There is one important factor about sociopaths you need to know. They often plan very far ahead by planting little seeds into people. In this case I believe it all began in summer 1992, when I heard that my sister had gotten the house as a gift, for nothing, from father. I also heard that father refused to write anything down on paper about this. The person telling me all this was my sister, and then mother was repeating this mantra for two decades. The last decade she was also promoting one more mantra, as our second brother must had gotten so jealous at his baby sister he'd forced father to make him a house too. So the last decade mother was promoting that mantra too. There was now one proper house on the estate and one outhouse that mother said both belonged to these two siblings. Mother was also constantly telling me that the house was not legal and there were no papers on it.

All these mantras got repeated again and again until we all believed them like people in older times trusted the words that came out from the local priest. It was pure brainwashing, and we all believed that our sister got her house for nothing from our father, that the house was not a real house, that she paid every year 10 K for the house, that our brother had paid his outhouse and built it with the help of father. All these mantras we believied, and we trusted our mother, brother and sister on their words when they said that father got it all mixed up as he got older and that he had "forgotten" what was true and what was not. Then, two days after father had died, my sister showed me the agreement on the house and I could read that I got it all wrong. It didn't bother me as I thought it must be our mother who's twisted it, as I know she is stubborn as a mule when she gets an idea into her head, and no amount of proof or disagreement from you will change her mind.

There was this instance when I had phoned her, back in 1998, and said we'd pop in for a quick visit, but mother decided we were to stay over for several nights. I told her at once that would not happen as it was school next day, but mother would not have it any other way, so she decided we'd said we were staying over. She made sure she was not at home when we popped by at the exact time we'd said we'd come. And then she'd phoned me in a rage over my insensitivity to not come as I'd said I would, as we had to leave after an hour to go home and get the children to bed. She'd screamed at me and been totally furious over how I'd conned her to go and buy alot of food, and that despite me telling her not to, as we could not stay for long, an hour tops, and that we didn't need anything to eat. For reasons like that I wasn't surprised mother had gotten everything backwards.

The thing with my mother is that despite her getting stuff backwards she will never ever admit she did. She will instead make up some elaborate fairytale making the other person look like a total nutcase in others eyes. To do that she makes up false allegations, like that one about me telling her we were coming to stay a few days with her. Total nonsense she after the event pretended to be facts. What she did is called "gaslighting" and if I'd not had my husband and children sitting in the background hearing every word I'd said, I'd been swayed to believe she might be right, and that I had by mistake said the wrong thing. This is how a pathological person can ware you down psychologically, by making you doubt your own memories, your own mind. It's one of the most horrendious abuse methods used by bullies and sadists and they use it to gain control over others. The more their target is made to doubt their own perception, the more can the abuser control the target and make them do things. 

In mothers two decades long story about the house agreement she'd both claimed that father never wrote such agreement, and she also had claimed that the house was totally a gift to my sister. And on top of that she'd also claimed that the house was not an official house, but built in secret. Now I know that there was an agreement, but that it was not legally binding and that any one of us three siblings only had to say no to agreeing to it's content and it was null and void. I also know now that the house was never a gift, but that father let my sister borrow it, when he wasn't renting it out to summer guests. I also know now that he intended us siblings to decide whether our sister was to get the house as part of her fair share or not, as he'd refused to sign a WILL, which we'd found unsigned in his house now in December of last year. In that will the sum both my sister, my mother and also the second brother is repeating like a mantra, is mentioned. That sum is 110 K for the house. 

But they claim this was the actual agreed upon sum, for which the sister was to have the house, and in the will father has with his own handwriting scribled down 210 K over that sum. Another thing is that already back in 1991, during the divorce mother put father through while I had their first grandchild, we've found paper evidence that the house she calls illegal, not a properly reported house, is totally a real house. It has it's own taxation value and it's all in the divorce papers. To top all of this off my oldest brother found insurance papers on that house dating back to 1996, the very year that the written agreement where made, and there father has insured the house for 230 K. All of this together makes pretty good evidence that he was never intending to let her have the house for 110 K and that I've been telling the truth all the time, just like my oldest brother has testified that I did. The only one in the room when I read the agreement, who's saying I'm lying, is our baby sister. 

There are plenty more people who claim that I'm lying and none of them were in the room, so why are they even pretending to know? Like I told you earlier on have I've been trained to take the blame for things that I've not done, and to tell you the truth I never liked it and I never accepted it. I used to tell them, when I was young, that I should tape record everything said in our house to flush out the real liars. That was back in the days they had tape recorders and unfortunately I broke mine so it never happened that I did record them. The reason I broke it was that I truly loved it. It was the best gift ever and I got it from my second brother, when he was nice to me. That's why both of his closest siblings never gave up on him, as he could be really nice, when he was not with our mother. He was almost only evil when he was with her, but totally okay otherwise most of the times. 

We both have felt really sorry for him many times as he's so obsessed with getting admiration from our parents, which is pretty pathetic as they were both totally into themselves. To give him credit he did make both our parents adore him most of all their children and he did put down alot of effort to acheive this. One thing he did very cleverly was to make his siblings look stupid by putting words and opinions unto us, that he just made up. That was the reason I broke the recorder, as he infuriated me one time with such a mind fuck. I told him to stop and tell the truth or I'd smash the recorder. No matter how sad I got from breaking it I knew nothing I cherrished would last in that house, so if I'd not smashed it, someone else would had taken it away from me sooner or later. To brake something you love yourself is to get control over the situation. It was kind of a relief when it was broken, as it was also making me feel in debt to my brother for being the one giving me my most beloved gift. 

In retrospect I think that the gift made me feel trapped, like I owed him to let him treat me worse if I kept it. What he does and did is that he turns everything backwards. What you've said, done, ment, thought. All of it he turns around so if he'd been provoking you with false allegations, which both you and him knew were made up shit, and you'd react in the slightest way negative, he'd use that to twist everything around to make you look stupid. It's hard to explain and today I don't remember any specifics, only that it was so painful and awful and that it used to drive both me and his brother totally mad. It was so upsetting, so unfair, so mean. It was cruel and you could see that he enjoyed it the more upset and sad he saw he made us. It was pure sadism.

That is the reason I understand that this brother would never admit that he'd gotten it all wrong, even if he was unaware of the truth of the matter concerning our sister's alleged house. Even if he fully well knew that she made all the crap up, and that father did tell him that, I'm sure he'd enjoy watching us suffer from all their mind games. Both him and mother are still today repeating the old mantra about the houses, like nothing happening these two last years ever happened. There is however one big change. Before they both used to say there were no written agreement, like it was the utter truth, but after the truth was revealed they are instead saying that everyone always known about these agreements - in pluralis even. Indeed, since his sister has said she'd gotten the first house he has claimed that he had the same oral agreement with father as she did. 

As soon as she admits that I'm right and there is a written agreement he says that he has the same written agreement as she has. When she says that I must have stolen father's copy of her agreement, he says that I must have stolen his agreement too. It's like listening to a mindless parrot really. At this point his brother pitties him and thinks that he's out of his mind and totally under the control of our crazy mother and sister. I don't feel it's wrong of me to call them crazy here, as this is not a blog I share under my real name or to any relatives or friends of theirs. They on the other hand have been calling me crazy to everyone, according to this second brother. I know a few they've defamed me to, and I know that my sister wrote to people two years ago and made up stuff about me, like I was insane, doing horrible things, threatening her, and all sorts of weird stuff. 

This is the actual clue to the reason she showed me her written agreement, as she'd been hiding the fact so long that father had signed that to her back in 1996. The agreement didn't say what she claims and everyone following her like obediant cult members claim. That is - the agreement didn't say that she'd have the house for 110 K, but it said "market value". The true value of the house on the house market now as the inherence is being shifted. That is the meaning of those words and since I'm a smart girl I understood the meaning. My sister knows that I'm the smart one, so she told me to read it carefully and made sure I understood it properly. If I'd forgotten I'd read it her plan would not had worked. I'd have no proof of her claims not being true, and despite that being backwards thinking, I'd still would not make a fuzz over something I could not prove not being correct. 

Even the lawyer ended up using backwards thinking, as you need to prove something being correct in a legal case like this, not finding evidence disproving it. He actually wrote that to me, that he could not find any proof against my sister and brother's claims about what father had promised them orally, so therefore he had to follow our father's will. Not legal will, but the will our siblings claimed that he'd intented when they spoke to them. The lawyer tried to con us to help our siblings out, which is so totally illegal you can become as a lawyer working with cases like this. He's supposed to shift the estate equally between the four of us, and instead he was trying to make those two get extras, just cause he thought they deserved it. Today I totally hate this guy and I'm sure he knows I do as he even was taunting me how much I'd hate him for what he was to do to me on our last meeting.

Actually he made me so furious over how he lied to us - straight in our faces and then in several mails - that I had to pretend my pillow was his face for about a month or two and then I bit his face off again and again. It kind of helped and I also cursed him a few times. One night I dreamt that I visited his office and he looked really sickly and I told him it was cause I've cursed him and that he was ill now and he would soon die. Just cause he'd tried to con me. That was pretty hilarious as I truly have not been so mad at anyone since the damn farmer shot my kitties. I've written about the curse I made back then, as a tiny little lassie, and how it came to get fullfilled just like I'd spoken it. I didn't find out until many years later, but when I did it shocked me. That was the first time I ever cursed someone and since then I've made a few, which all come true in one way or another. 

Two years ago I tried to make my sister get to her senses, so I begged her in a private mail to her to tell the truth, and then I also kind of half on fun made an oath and told her to dare to do the same and say that it's not true what I say. What happened after that is pretty normal for a sociopath. She used my private mail, which were between two once very close sisters, and she sent it on to alot of other people with her own little fairytale added to it. In my dare to her I'd warned her to not take my oath and lie, as I'd added a horrible curse to it, so if she'd lie she'd curse whatever was most precious to her. I really tried to warn her and in all the recording that I sent to her I sounded sweet and nice, but in my warning I sounded very serious and a tad bit angry. Of course I was angry. If I'd not been angry with her for what she'd put me through I'd be a psych case. 

It's normal to be angry at people who lie about events both you and them know happened. I know that she knew she'd shown me her agreement, and she knew that I knew that she knew and she had a great time laughing at me for how infuriating she knew she made me feel. To her it was just another game and she enjoyed how everyone believed every crap she made up, and no-one believed a word I said. That until she found out that not only did our oldest brother remember the event, which he was not supposed to bump into, but he did and he told her he did. She got so annoyed that he did and could not really come up with a believable lie for how he could remember the same thing as I did, so she just said she'd shown me another paper, not that paper. 

But just before that she acted like she'd never shown me any paper, and when she was found out in her lie, she turns around and admits to showing me a paper, but cannot straight ahead say what paper that was supposed to be. I don't know how long it took her to figure out an excuse, but a year later my witness finds out what she claims. According to her she'd shown me a loan agreement, that was unfavorable to her. As I said the agreement on the house was made in 1996, and that year father loaned all of his four children 60 K. Her paper on the loan is nothing special at all and it is nothing like the agreement I read, nore like the one our brother saw. Both him and I agree that there were like three paragraphs and I clearly remember the headline. Nothing like the loan agreement, and there is nothing about inherence or houses in any loan agreements either.

Another person who failed to believe her was my husband, who she tried to sway into her favor by making it out like I was the one making a fuzz and being weird. He totally understood the whole scam from the start and never was under any spell of the mantra they'd sprung on me and the oldest brother for so long that we almost could not believe what we saw. If I'd not so clearly read the headline in the agreement on the house I'm not sure I'd snapped out of the brainwashing as fast as I did. But it took up till my sister denying showing it to me and making everyone hate me that I truly understood what was up. It took awhile longer for the brother, as he'd only read a chapter in the middle and wasn't really sure it was the house agreement about the inherance, but just something about that house. 

I'd mentioned already a few months back the event, where I'd been shown the agreement by our sister, but he had at that time just dismissed it with the mantra. That is, he said there is no agreement on paper. That's how deeply they'd programmed us and that is why we both were using backwards reasoning when we wanted to follow their words only about what was up with these buildings. What I do have a hard time to get my head around is that they made the lawyer the same way in such a short time. He knows that only a will is legally binding and he told me so at the beginning. He also told me that neither of them have any special rights to any buildings on the farm and that they can only get them if we agree to it. I told him that I would agree to that if my sister took out her written agreement and showed it to everyone and admitted that she'd showed it to me back in 2012, two days after father died. 

Instead of making her do that he turned the law into a joke and pretended that we needed proof to disprove their claims. He went so far and wrote that there is no evidence suggesting this is not my father's intent. What an insult, when he knows that the agreement I read is not legally binding and what he tried to acheive is nothing less then following this agreement by forcing it upon me against my will. I have made it perfectly clear that to clear my name from the defamation my sister has made upon it I will not agree to anything supporting this agreement that I read, until it is put forward, she has admitted showing it to me, just like both me and our brother claim, and I also demand a public apology from her, which she has to publish where most of their smear have been posted - on Facebook.

The lawyer totally has ignored any of this and I'm sure he never even bothered to tell my sister this in any sort or way. Why he's ignoring my demands totally is cause he believes all the smear and lies they are telling about me, and that is why he's been bullying me together with them. It's cost me a small fortune to make the lawyer stop doing this to me and for that I also hate him as I'm a very poor person. I've been serverly ill for a very long time, as I mentioned above, and during that time all I have to live on was my husband's salary, which is nothing fantastic, and the child benifits the state gives out, which isn't much as it goes away when the child gets older. Also we give most of it to the children from they are 15 so today I have almost nothing every month. Maybe a couple of hundreds at the most. 

Thanks to this lawyer I have to pay another lawyer 19 K this month and even more the next month. I don't know how I am supposed to do so as none of our four children are working yet and like I said I have had no income for a very long time. I got 30 K back in 2003, and another 3 K after working the whole fall back in 2005. That is very little. This spring I've only earned 9 K and that was supposed to go to the new lawyer. What the lying lawyer did to make it difficult to me was that he sent my lawyer's mail adress to my evil siblings and then they could start writing mails to him. I know that atleast one of them did, the brother, and the lawyer I've hired told him to stop or he'd bill him instead. For that I'm grateful, but not for him billing me for all the shit I never asked him to do. I was pretty clear I'd only make at most 15 K on this part time job, and still the bill ended on 19 K. 

Thanks so bloody much. I don't know what to do as it seems like people like to use me and take advantage of me. I am so sick and tired of everything at the moment, on all their hate, their lies, their bullying. I can't belive how evil people are and even when I try to help out and make things right people just take me for granted. I will pay the lawyer this time, but enough is enough. I tried to help my brother so we'd not loose father's farm and I know some of his grandchildren really wanted to keep the farm, but there is just so much I can do. I'm not all well, even if the illness I had is at bay at this moment and all my blood tests are perfect. I still have constant pains in my body and I tire easily.

Even my husband has given up and realized that whatever we do to make things right, some people are too stupid and selfish to let us thrive and become happy and get what they've had all their lives. Evil people just are that way and one person that is totally evil is my mother. For instance, she shortly after she'd sworn that she never meddled with this inherance she wrote a mail to the lawyer and lied through her teeth. She both meddled and she lied about her children, making it out like I was one of her four children father had given the most help to through the years, while her poor, little daughter got nothing at all. I cannot phantom how a woman can be so totally sick and evil as she is, as she knows fully well the truth is the reverse. 

Back in 2011 father said to me that he was so proud of me and my husband for having the most children of all us siblings and that we still managed to take care of our own economy without his help. He also told me that my siblings had gotten so much more help from him then I'd gotten. He was so proud I didn't have the heart to tell him that we've been living far under the poverty line all the time. Even mother was on me back in 2011 and wanted me to beg father for money to even out the difference between us siblings, and now she's lying to the lawyer that I'm the one daughter who got the most money from him by lying that I was the only one he gave a car to. He gave the car after he'd given her two favorites one each and helped them with 100 K for their houses, which he never did for us. 

She also lied and told him she was married to father when my sister "got" the house from him and it sounded like she ment that she was still married when the agreement was struck in 1996. However my sister has also claimed later on that this written agreement was made in 1992, and that is what they all claim now. It is all so insane and so contradictory that I realize now why I wanted to tape every uttered word in that household, and why it felt like living in crazy town until the day the second brother left home. For some reason mother got less weird when he left as I truly believe that crazy makes crazy more crazy. When she was left without both her favorite torture victim, the oldest brother, and her favorite side-kick, the second brother, she just calmed down a bit. It was still pretty crazy living in that home and I am so glad that I'm starting to get over the worst damage now. 

The first lesson was to deal with all the relationships problems that I never could get my head around, which I collected outside of my immediate family for years. I could never hate anyone, no matter what they did, as I became a teen. I was so much healthier as a smaller child when I totally hated the farmer who shot my kitties. That was why I never got over any relationships as all the failures were never understood and never blamed on the one actually doing the failing. I kept caring for people who never cared for me and never even bothered to get to know me. This first lesson I delt with back in 1999 and after that I had a second lesson to learn. 

That next lesson was to truly get to understand malignant narcissism at it's worse. So I kind of ran into a few narcissists, like for instant one who was truly pathological. So during a few years I had to come to grips with what that was. The interesting thing is that the only person understanding this issue and who could explain the most hurtful speciement's actions was my second brother. He totally understood why that person had been smearing me to his wife, making up lies about what I've done, as I'd done nothing of what he'd told her. It took a few years but by the time that I got my miscarriage in 2005 I started to get my head around what had happened a few years earlier. At the same time I started having problems with my sister as she started acting really odd. 

First she had accused me to flirt with her husband when the family re-union was in June, which was just too bizarre and very unlike her. Then more weird things happened that all in all reminded me of the events a few years before, as I felt like someone was toying with me. I was not interested in her husband and what I'd thought been friendly welcoming to our family turned out to be a nightmare. I thought he was an insecure and nice guy, but in hindsight I can see the resemblance with the pahtological person my second brother had understood, who caused my own family so much distress. Narcissists often come out as insecure and charming little boys and girls, and we want to help them. That was what I did to the pathological guy a few years earlier and what I tried to do to my new brother. Be a good friend.

To be honest I got fed up with rudeness and what clearly was open disrespect from her new husband. So even if all first looked promissing and I hoped that I rather gained a brother then lost a sister it was clear that the pattern from her first marriage was repeating. Now I suspect that my sister was saying bad things about me to her first husband and that was the reason he was so mean to me. At the time I only thought he was an asshole, but now I suspect that he was more like defending her and supporting her and thinking that I deserved to be treated like shit. At that time I was used to be treated like shit as I was still young and I'd not even done lesson one in overcoming the Narcissistic Victim Syndrom that I clearly was suffering from since childhood. That makes you walk around with a big, invisible sign saying "kick me when I'm down". 

But now I feel like that sign is tossed out and I don't wear it anymore so that's why I feel so much better around people, despite me still having huge problems as I'm still very afraid of getting targeted again. Which is natural as I'm still being targeted by my own birth family, like I already mentioned. But back then, in the early 90's, I wasn't thinking twice when my sister's boyfriend, not yet husband, was plain rude to me. Everyone was rude to me almost, and I was surprised if someone was polite and nice to me instead. That's why I was so heartbroken when my second brother-in-law also turned out to be a very rude and cruel person, just like the first one. I'd had so high hopes for him being a nice bloke and me not loosing my sister again, just cause she got married. But that was clearly all that he was, just another asshat.

To end off I also like to mention that in the end we also found out that the second brother really truly never had any agreement like his sister had on the real house. What he'd had was a written rent agreement with father and also there the old man had refused to sign an agreement, making the outhouse into his son's. As there were no other agreement it's pretty clear he only lied about having the same and was just smearing me when he made it out like I've stolen this made up paper. It's hard for me to understand how he can be so cruel to me, but since he was the only one understanding the malignant narcissist that lied to me and hurt my whole family long ago, I suspect that it takes one to know one. It's still horrible to realize that so many you've loved are not capable of love themselves. They are like not real humans, but like evil little gremlins. Or just fake humans, like empty dolls.

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane