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måndag 16 februari 2015

Scapegoating And Gaslighting

The HIDING of all your creative stuff and SHAME for anything you've made (art, poems, and so on) I totally agree with. It's insane to me now how shameful I was for EVERYTHING when I was young and still living at home. I hated my body and was 100% convinced NO-ONE could love such a foul, ugly being like me. My surprise was ENORMOUS when I went out in the world and people didn't hate me, and some even thought I was an equal!!!! My GOD - I was "normal"... What a shocker!!!! I'd been told I was a NOTHING. So that was a wonderful feeling that I could have friends, and even boyfriends. My narc bro had made his life mission, as long as he lived at home, to ruin any relation to guy's I LIKED and who liked me too. He lied to them, telling me I'd had sex with random guys and he tried to push boys HE THOUGHT I should date onto me. I remember a big cloud lifted from my life when he left as my mother and father was nothing as abusive as he was - he still is. He's living on the other side of the world and he's still smearing me to all our relatives. He loves FACECROOK as you can do that there. He claims to everyone that I'm having a hate campaign about him and others, and he's spreading out total lies about me. Whatever they use as "proof" of my abusive behaviour is stuff they managed to find out about me, as they've been shared my domain-name (before I knew they would do this to me) and from there on they can find other links as I have everything collected there.

It's an anonymous, more or less, domain as I was stalked by some nasty people before I bought that domain and I tried to make it as hard as possible to understand what family it's about. No last names, but still I want to show my family and write my blogs about my family and what happens in our lives, what I think about and am sad about. I like to talk about memories and alot about pathology and many more subjects I care about. My family want NOTHING of that! At the same time they all smear me behind my back and I can not even write my blogs or websites without being lied about and abused. My narc bro totally wish me gone from the face of earth and he straight out told me that, as he obviously hated me his whole life, and only faked caring to gain our parents approval. I was born after him, so I'm not surprised. I don't do jealousy and never done, so when my father rejected me for my baby sister I never thought about it twice. I just accepted I'd grown old and ugly and that he nomore liked me, as I was not as cuddly and cute as my beloved sister. Yes, I totally loved her and put her needs before mine. I also loved my narc bro with all my heart and thought he loved me too. I so feel like a stupid cow for imagining that now. And realize all my bad relationships in my youth was my relationship to this brother repeated. I kept believing guys liked me too, just cause I liked them, but then I grew up and married a non-narc. A guy who wanted to be loved a lot and noticed I was a kind and loving person. 

We are still together and we do love each other alot, being best friends as we are. I don't demand everything, as I NEVER thought I'd get married ever never, when I grew up. Getting married, being somewhat loved and raising a family was the best thing ever and I'm a very happy person. I generally love people and I love listening to others stories and I feel so much of what others feel I think I'm almost psychic, or what they call an "empath". I can predict others lives, just based on what I feel from them. I pick up alot from others, and being around nasty toxic users are like the most devestating experience for me. I am what my family call "over sensitive" and alot of my narc bro's abuse of me he made righteous by the statement that he only was helping me to "toughen up". He rather broke me down! He also broke his older brother and has used him as a slave his whole life. He sits there and demands things and favors from this brother, who's helping him ALOT. I wish he could tell his nasty brother to get the f*ck out of his servers and get a new server and go and pesture someone else. But he seems to LOVE his brother no matter what abuse he's spewing out about me and him. He keeps complaining that the narc brother just need to see the light. It's so frustrating as I realized years ago that he was a user that used us as his servants and didn't care a bit about us and our emotions. I've seen the narc bro for decades spew out belittling comments and talk behind the other brothers back. It's been so VERY frustrating that he just wont tell that bastard to go away and leave him alone. Thanks to the narc bro he's gotten ALOT of enemies and alot of people thought the nice brother was just as big an asshole as the narc one. 
It's all about the narcissists so if you complain you are the problem, so you stop telling anyone anything or asking for anything. You become NOTHING. Then you are treated as scapegoat, as the narcissists and their minions fill in the blanks (noone knows you, you're a blank) and paint their own ugly picture ON you... Whenever people were bad to the narc bro, for instance on the net, both me and the nice brother used to support our brother. I stopped when he turned on me and supported his foe against me! I realized he RATHER took side with the person being nasty towards him, then appreciate my sympathy and support. Then I realized alot of what he wrote about I did not agree on at all, as many of his foes started agreeing with stuff I wrote and called my narc bro an idiot, privately to me! How funny... I stopped meddling after awhile, but looked for years how the nice brother kept trying to understand the hateful warmongering shit our narc bro spewed out. I totally felt he should not do that, and he lost ALOT of credibility by obsessingly looking for the "good" in all this narc bro wrote. At the same time he always tried to find something "bad" in all I wrote! Finally, after all this hell we've come to a point when I more felt being treated as an equal, almost, with my narc bro, which was all I wanted, but never could hope for. Now the nice bro actually can see "good" in most I write - miracle! And he can see the "bad" in the narc bro's stuff without trying to smooth over all the time. Still I wish he could get he's just an asshole, and there is no way he does not know I am innocent to all the made up stuff he and our sister (also our NM) are claiming about me. I know they all know I am, but they "feel better" when they project their own shit on me. As they've always done.

As soon as I saw they were up to this shit again in 2013 I wrote them that I was now done with them due to this and that - a short description. So they KNOW what they've done that made me go NO CONTACT. So all their lies about me doing stuff to them are made up and they keep on stalking my sites and smearing me to others for doing exactly like all survivors NEED to do - tell their story and extract all the shit out of themselves as it was never their shit. I didn't deserve their willful lies and manipulations, as I was a very naive and trusty being my whole existens. I only wanted to love them and never demanded anything for myself that wasn't my equal right, and most times not even that as I'm not a materialist, but an idealist. I always was that silly and wanted to get along. And I was very shy and it was awful whenever relatives lashed out in vile hate towards me, without knowing why. I often thought about killing myself for years, and when I am around their hate I still get that overwhelming feeling - to kill myself. When a child I felt like that as I imagined they'd regret their emotional abuse if I did kill myself, but then I realized they did not care. Now I only want to go away from this evil place where people can treat a person so vile, after she's only been kind to them all her life. They seem to try and provoke me into some sort of reaction, so they can spew hate and lies about me as soon as I get upset or sad. This has been their modus operandi my whole life. They did this to my nice brother too, so he's choosen to flat line his emotions and look "happy go lucky" all the time, no matter what sick things both our narc bro and NM do. Then he tries to walk away and avoid all conflict with them, but he refuses to go NO CONTACT.

He just can't do it, as he's afraid they will use that as a weapon against him and his family as that happened when they went no contact in 1998. What he did wrong then was that he overdid taking the high road and silently suffered and refused to tell me or anyone what had happened. Everyone thought they were silly, while reality was that mother had been totally SICK towards my bro's wife, and she should had been hold accountable for her vicious abuse. When they finally told me 15 yrs later I got so very upset and mostly cause I had no idea back then! Now I understand why NM was so weird after that. She acted out like a total victim with me and made up I'd lied to her and set her up, while I was very clear and could not had been misunderstood. Still she made up the story I'd fooled her we were going to come and stay for a few days, and then without telling her changed our minds. All lies. A while later she however showed alot of sucking up to me almost. She even helped me with the babtism of my fourth child in 2000 and she NEVER cared for any of my children before that. I was so happy as I thought whatever was wrong with mom she was working on it now. So stupid, as she was most likely only showing off and punishing my brother and his wife! It was not about me at all... Atleast that is how I look on it now, as she still lashes out on me in sick vileness IF I try to defend this brother. She did that on dad's funeral in 2012, which is the last time I saw her. She refused to come and visit for a whole year, until we told her we wanted her nomore in our lives. Then she spread out to people we refused to LET HER visit us. What a great excuse for her, so she could play the victim while not having to visit me or my children and grandchild anymore!

This video above is about a narc mother only as I don't hear her mentioning any siblings with the infliction, but normally a narc parent raise one or two of their off spring to become entitled and cruel to their siblings. Many say that narcissism is contagious, which I do agree on. If it's malignant too I think however is much more up to the individual and their moral backbones. Weak, people pleasers who wish to be popular might do horrible things to keep a straight face after they've done a big booboo. Strong people who only wish others to feel good about themselves rather take some shit to get relationships working, as long as it's not totally out of proportion sick and unfair what they are expected to take on themselves. Also a very strong person get however broken after years of emotional abuse, starting from early childhood. I am not a weak person, which my NM claims and also the rest of the liars in my family make believe to others. I have taken alot of shit for them as I cared for them and didn't want them to feel bad about themselves just cause they were weak people who could not handle responsibility for stuff they'd caused themselves. I soon noticed with all of them that they abhorred responsibility, and if they by an honest mistake made an error they blew up the top of their hats if it was pointed out to them they'd done a mistake. For christ say, anyone can make a mistake and if it's an honest one a normal person would say "oh, I'm so sorry, but I really didn't ment to cause you harm. I hope you see that and am not mad at me." That is called an EXCUSE.

Narcissists don't understand the meaning of that word. It's a foreign concept for them. To them there is two ways to handle avoiding to have to apologize. Either it was not done on purpose by them, so hence they are not responsible for what they did and therefore they need not to give one. Isn't that a pearl! Or they lie and frame you for the mischief they've done and make themselves out as the victim of your abuse. That is the favorite in my family of origin. Outsiders just can't make out who's telling the truth and since the narcissists and the emotionally flat liners lie so convincing in both their over exaggerated upset and their performed concern for your vileness and hatefullness, people tend to believe them. It happens all the time. Never trust the villains of the News as there is where the true liars put their smear about their true victims. Also what you read on public forums where people are smearing others with indignation you cannot trust. The true bullies will carefully find out how you - the true victim of their abuse - feel and what you are sore about and they will pretend that you are hurting them that way and acting like the victims. Seen that a trillions time in my family and lernt early on to keep my gob shut and never complain from my teen years, when I first started to realize we had a predator of extraordinaire in our midst. 

Before I did realize that I had loads of fights with my narc bro, and there were even words with him when mother was around. She never showed any concience for using him as a pawn to harm her unwanted children, but I did notice a glimmer of guilt from the narc bro when he'd let himself be used by her to truly bully with nasty comments after I had returned from school of hell. It was once when I asked him why my own family was mistreating me after I'd been teased and made sad in school like that, as they ought to support me instead. I don't know how I got that so very right, but I just had had it with evil people that day, and he looked kind of guilty for a short moment, and then he brushed it off with a remark that I was too over sensitive and he only helped me to toughen up when he teased me like that. As if constant battering will hardening you, instead of slowly wearing you down and crush you, which is what it does in reality. If you don't summon a huge amount of energy and thrust all their nastyness back at them and make them stop. As they were two doing the bullying that most likely would not happen. Luckily eventually the narc bro turned on our mother instead and their little conspiracy to torment me in union kind of diminished its power. Narcissists often turn on each other and I have a few nasty comments saved to my computer mothers favorite children have done about her.
I don't have to go far to find such nastyness about her from her favorites. The other day the nice brother recieved a mail where our narc bro told about what an unloving upbringing HE had suffered, hence making him equal to us in the way our mother abused us. Well, in one way he's right as I rather be the one bullied then the one prostituting myself to help her bully my innocent poor siblings. Like he did. In my opinion he's a whore who was weak and pathetic and let her use his ability to figure out others weaknesses and sore spots to hurt them as much as possible. That is a quality you should NEVER us on the innocent, but only to fight evil and nasty liars and crooks with, if ever. I do know that too, but it's my "secret weapon" I rarely use and only on the well deserving. Our narc bro used it to please mother and to seem better then his two siblings. That is so worthless way of using such an ability it totally sucks. But then malignant people are always very weak as they have lended themselves out to lies and manipulations. They truly believe that is the only way to live and therefore they have created this sick and violent world we have. Thanks to all these weak dishonest people we have a world of lies and deception where the psychopaths thrive and rule. We get the world we deserve as a whole, and when nice people are being pushed to treat others mean the world litterary "GOES TO HELL".

For many years have I likened this world to a purgatory, where our soul is tested very hard and severely. To go around and NOT react when you see evil is not to be a good person either, but what people seem to fail to understand is that liars are very good at faking injury. A liar knows that it's very important to SEEM believable and to saw their ideas far before the true victim has a clue what is going on. That is why you are smeared FOR YEARS before the main attack by your hater occurs. A hater is a person totally under the influence of the predator mind, who will play all others to attack innocent people with BOMBS even. What do you think is happening on this planet? Do you really think those being dropped bombs on, those BABIES are your "enemies"? Fools who've sold their soul to the most sneaky bidder, who believe such utter crap. There is NO situation where bombs should be used. None. Saying that I will make it totally clear that in my family of origin there used to be only one person who was pro this kind of reality, and there was a couple of doubters. But whatever is going on soon made these two weaklings choose the path of death and destruction. Half my birth family stood their grounds and guess what? None were the narcissists nore the calculating liar. It was the narcissists that were the weaklings, of course. They always are. They can never be wrong, so they cannot change for the better, if proven wrong. It becomes Catch 22 with them!

To "win" in this game - called life here on earth - you need to listen carefully to what others tell you. You need to hear and you need to see. You also need to remember. And you need to forget about the first story you were told by that smooth talking scary person you don't really like. Listen to your heart and who you feel is a normal, feeling and empathetic person. Some people might ramble on about their childhood, and you think they are making shit up. But they might just be dealing with all the crap that noone seemed to notice when they were small. They are fed up with carrying all this pain and memories and they need to tell others that things were not like they believe. It might not sound like you've been told, as you always heard belittling things about that person from her evil mother or some other smearer. Don't be so sure what you've heard a thousand times is the truth as a lie does not become true just because it's repeated. So many "truths" in my life have turned out to be stories, fairytales, made up by narcissists and malignant liars to make THEM look good and others look bad. That is how they avoid taking responsible, by recreating reality so they are made into heroes or innocent victims, while the person they've frauded, lied about, tormented, gaslighted and bullied they remake into a villain and a bully. That's how they believe they can trick the world, and they most often succeed as this planet is right now run by stupid people who do NOT listen and do NOT look at facts and find out the truth.
It's always very easy to judge others based on fairytales of witches and princesses, but it's not reality. A good liar will insult you and spread foul lies about you behind your back and mix this behavior with seemingly forgiving fases where she is pretending to forgive you for your horrible deeds. This is done to make her look good to others. Nothing else. It might look like she wants to humiliate you, and that might be true, but at this stage, when she's been already framed you and crazy made you to everyone she's more interested in getting her image of a good person back. So she'll lash out about you to alot of people, seemingly being upset over some emotional injury you've caused her, so she'll tell others you've done mean things you have no part in and in many cases are exactly what she's done to you. Then when she changes her tune and pretends to be "forgiving you" people will look at her as a very good person who could forgive such nastiness. When you meet people that has been played this way they will be weird and look strangely at you. When you try and talk to them they will snap and look nervous. When you are loving and kind to them they might even fling and say something rude to avoid getting close to you. That will hurt you alot, if it's a person you love from the bottom of your heart and I can tell you I've been treated this way very many times in my life, so by now I do understand I've been smeared as this NEVER happens, expect when I've been smeared by a liar.

Not all liars I've been attacked by have been related to me as you as a child being raised in such a scapegoating environment tend to attracked more such abuse from other nasty narcissists. So in my life I've been attacked from early childhood starting from kindergarden. I was bullied by mainly a couple of boys at that time and the teacher, Gudrun, was really mean to me. I was a very angry little girl and I hated that place. Mother had just dumped me there one day and without a hug or goodbye she turned around and drove away. I hid behind a door and screamed all day and after that I knew nobody cared so I got silent and angry. Every day when I walked the very long road home all alone I soiled myself, which was very embarracing, but there were no toilettes there, only a scary room with a pot in the cleaning room under the stair, which in no way ressembled a toilette. I was sure monsters lived in there and refused to use it, so I tried to hold it in until I got home, which like never happened. I normally had peed in my pants at the time I had to pass the school and all the children laughed at me. I was such a hated freak all over the place and this feeling I carried with me many years, that there were no way out and all was hopeless and a long struggle. Of course lots of children made all my years at school a living hell. There were always some nasty, sadistic girl who smeared me and made up lies about me to make me look bad.

It normally took me a long while before I realized why I was hated by someone, but in the end I often did as I had a friend who I've befriended at Kindergarden, who liked to ask the others why they were mean to me. She found out a girl in our class made up really hurtful stories about me in which I had said mean things about others or told the teacher about things so she punished the children. The mean things I was to say about others where mostly directed at other girls, so when the girls heard how nasty I was many of them started to dislike me. All was lies as I've never even thought anything bad about that other girl and actually thought she was pretty and was happy for her also getting a baby sister. Telling the teacher she did all by herself, as that was mostly about the boys, and she had a twinbrother so she knew all the boys secrets. Still she made her stupid brother think that I by some miracle had figured out what he and the other boys been up to. God, how stupid people can be. He told his sister everything and she uses that against her brother to get him punished, and then she tells him I told the teacher. Most likely she made it out she'd confided in me first, but that does not make sense as in that way she still was guilty to telltale her brother. Not the first time perhaps, but after a few times you'd think he'd think her guilty for telling me, but I suspect she made him think I had superpowers and just knew his shit and telling on him.
At the end of school I was quite depressed and I felt like I was attacked from all corners. The girls and the boys barely tolerated me, inspite there never being any proof of all the bad things I was to have done and my friend revealing it was all a lie told by this mean little girl. And at home I was bullied by my narc bro and NM. Life was not a happy place and I had to struggle on and hope atleast something good might happen in my life, how unlikely it might be. It was a very dark time in my life and it was not until I met new teens at high school that I saw some light. I was feeling very confused when some girls were almost nice to me, as that never happened in my earlier school in such a nice way. I was actually invited to parties and some people TALKED to me. Totally shocker! Looking back on how much shit I took as a child and also how much shit the oldest nice brother took both at home and at school it sure is proof we were stronger people then our narc bro. He was treated like an important and intelligent person both at home and at school, where it sounds like he was the teachers pet, just like he made both our parents adore him and make his sibling look stupid. He's always been very talented with tricking people to think you actually believe and think the way he projects on you. He more or less frames you and then he looks innocent and righteous as if his claims are your true opinions and actions. That is very nasty behavior indeed.

Many times such trickery will leave you confused and bewildered and you might after years of this mind fuck stop reacting and deciede that if he says this is what you happened to say - by mistake - it is. I remember trying to defend myself with the explaination that it's what you ment that matters, not what you might had in error said. Now I think I said the right thing most times if not all, and he lied to make me question myself and make others think I was that stupid and saying what HE said I did. Anyways it took my dad THREE years living with me and this bro out of the home until he realized that I was an intelligent girl. What a chocker to him! He'd believed for 20 years that I was just a pretty face, like a doll, and had no personality, no thoughts and nothing of interests. But after that epiphany he forgot about it and 21 years later he asked me how anyone could want to meet me. Obviously under the belief I lacked all human worth and interest. During these 21 year I'd been living away from home, studied, married, and raised a bunch of children. All many long miles away and lacking resourses to come and see dad often. I didn't either have that kind of relationship with my dad that I phoned him to talk to him and he rarely phoned me. I have many times asked myself why and realized it's cause of deep anger I have towards him. I think my sister has alot of anger too, but she has expressed it totally different then me, who only evaporated out of the picture, not to bother him.

To be honest, both she and I know she has no reason to be angry with dad, as he was treating her very well from what I saw and heard. I've never heard her mention anything that he's supposed to have done that could be concidered hurtful or abusive towards her. Nothing that I would had gotten angry about. But she is not me, so she's still carrying anger towards her father for not appreciating and admireing her, or giving her enough attention. Maybe she's angry with him for actually having feelings for others too? I'm not in the know of where her anger comes from, just that she's spoken to me about it and I've felt sorry for her for feeling that way. I'm angry with father cause he left me, so maybe she's that too in some way. He left me very early though, and not like with her when she was all grown up. I was just a little girl and I trusted dad when he turned on me. I remember I used to cry and dad came and rescued me, but one day he didn't. I think I must had been three years old and I still remember it. I was teased by my brothers, whom where splashing water in my face from the pool. I was sitting on the edge and dangled my feet and I did not want to go. So I screamed so dad would tell them to stop so I could keep doing what I wanted to do. Instead he just stood there and laughed. I screamed louder and louder so he'd see how badly I needed him to put the boys straight, but he just stood there and did absolutely nothing. He was holding something in his face and it seemed that was more important then to help a little princess in distress.
Years later me and my closest brother were looking at old films from our childhood and this very event came up. That was when I realized dad had not just stood their grinning at my distress, but he had filmed it. My brother laughed at the film and told me I was such an annoying child, always screaming. But I was not doing that always, but cause dad refused to make the boys stop tormenting me. He was there on the screen clearly splashing me full of water and all he saw was an annoying little child screaming. Obviously that's all he's capable of seeing, while I now see a little toddler who can't understand why her beloved dad is letting her down and gets more and more upset, while never being heard. It's odd how some people find others screams for help annoying or a joke. Since I still remember this event it clearly was very traumatic for my evolution as I up till that moment had lived under the impression that my opinions mattered and that dad cared for my feelings. That was the turning point in my life from whereon I was not so sure about that. It was also from then on the spanking got started. I don't remember being spanked when I was three, but clearly when I was five. So sometime after this film was made dad cared so little about me he began to physichally beat me on my bare butt. I don't know how many times it happened, only that I thought about it happening quite often and that I thought it was normal behavior some children, like myself, had to endure.

I do clearly remember that is was always on mothers orders all the spanking occured, but most about it is very unclear. It's almost like I'm standing in the doorway looking in the room, like a dream, and then also it's the feeling of being spanked on my butt and something about it being enough. The memory of me thinking about this spanking makes me think it happened several times and for no known reasons, however my oldest brother says he remembers a reason. He says he can't neither remember much about this, but one time he was spanked for something everyone knew his brother had done and that he was very upset over it. Of course - he should be. I remember that my oldest brother did get blamed for things the other brother had done, but not so clearly as that. I do remember the play I had with my dolls which clearly tell that's what went on in our home. Most of the times us children where just running around playing and most times we were outdoors, out of the way. I think lots of things occuring early on in a childs life can give them anger they can't really understand, but I cannot remember a thing that could had caused my sister to become such an angry child and grown up, which she then became. She's very good at hiding it, but it's clearly there for anyone to see. So is the anger of our mother and also the anger of the second brother. They are all extremely angry people, who will make up false accusations just to be able to pitch people against you, so they can upset you and project their own anger at you. Talk about scapegoating!

To be honest I just started writing on this blog again and came to think about dad and don't really remember what I was talking about earlier on. I don't think dad was a narcissist, though I've heard many describe traits that fit on him and contribute it to narcissism. I still don't think so as he had not one manipulating bone in his body, and he hated drama and fighting. I think however he was an easy victim for narcissists as he admired their superficial charm and charisma. He liked more the benign kind and not the malignant kind though. Away from mother and any influence resembling mother too much his favorite son did show more benign traits, but in my opinion he's too damaged by our mothers vicious games to be anything else but malignant. I do think he thinks he's an innocent target, or victim, while he knows I wont talk to him as he decided to judge me and our brother as the liars and the youngest sister the truthteller. He's known us two for decades and he still thinks that his asperger brother (aspies are known to not lie) and his sensitive, empathetic sister (empaths are known to not lie) are the liars and the thieves. It does not makes any sense as then he also lies to us and say he did not rent his house but he owned it. It does not make sense as we have copies of his rent agreement, as dad had a copy and we took copies, of course. So why does he lie to us and then make big waves about us being thieves and liars, whom are supposed to have stolen some kind of "will" from him, where dad is supposed to have "given" him the house. I don't get it.
Just like our youngest sister he lies to us and changes the story. First they have spun a story where they own houses and we believed them without questioning them. Then dad dies and by now everyone knows that our sister showed me her written agreement. I've counted to ELEVEN times I've told my closest brother about this fact so how can he deny knowing it? When he still denied it I wrote to him in May 2013 that I would not have anything more to do with him as he'd choosen to believe me to be a liar. I will have nothing to do with anyone believing me to be a liar, so if there are more people believing that, please inform me and I will delete you from my mind and life. Thank you very much. No problem, as I have plenty of people around who are realizeing that I might not be right about everything, but I'm not anyone to make shit up to fool people. I tell it like it is. I will however not share things with my enemies, who are out to destroy me, so after May 2013 I count everyone who believe the lies about me, the smear about me, and that I'm a liar and a smearer as my enemies. You have to be very careful what you tell and reveal to your enemies, but I will still reveal that we did happen to find the rent agreement of my closest brother in December 2014 when we were looking for a letter from my recently pasted uncle. It was exactly where I had pictured it and where my oldest brother was sure they had looked for it. It was there, but stuck at the bottom of the drawer, so you hardly could see it. Well, not if you are half blind. Sorry, but it annoyed me that they'd said they had looked where I told them to look and they hadn't.

I was not the only psychic who said to them to look there. Also a much more talented one said the same thing and much more, that all came true. She's the one telling me I'm the one she sees the name "Jannike" around and it has nothing to do with anyone living today, she told me. After I wrote that on a blog, like it was about another family, I got a nasty letter from mother, who seems to be stalking my blog, which is why I try to write in my crappy english instead to make her not read them. In the letter mother said to me to stop identifying with "Jannike" or I'd also soon be dead, just like her. And she said alot of more very nasty things about me and also about dad. Of course she said I was just like my dad as she knows I'm the child looking most like him and sharing alot of his naivity, like letting her pesturing us for years and years and fooling us selves there must be some good in the bitch. There is none. She's a liar and a thief. And she projects all her bad qualities to others very cleverly, while villifying the real victim and playing innocent herself. I've bought it dozens of times and she's been able to wiggle herself out of real messes. But like I've said, I do have some psychic abilities and she knows it and so does her enclave of wicked witches. So much that I did know where she had hid her jewerly box, which she blamed Alex for stealing. And so much that I did know who put the flowers on my sisters porch, without even having met the person, nore remembering what name he went under. Just that it was the guy who dumped her for an ex, just before he was to take her to the ball.

Yes, I do know things and I always know when they are up to no good. However knowing and doing is two different things. So me knowing they are up to no good, does not mean that I have a clue what to do about it. I just know they are lying about "something" and that they obviously do hurtful things on purpose as I can see their smirks and glare when the trap slams in your face, so I know the best thing to do is to act like I don't care and didn't notice. Oh, I have noticed every single little demeaning thing they've done to me to make me and others believe I am not worth anything and that I'm a lazy, selfish cow, or how my closest brother put it in his hate mail from October 2014. He must had written it after he talked to our sisters lawyer, which does not make any sense to me. That lawyer listens NOTHING to anything I say and the only way to make him listen is to use his scare of getting a bad rep among other lawyers, I think. I believe he will be much less inclined to follow their story about the oral agreements now that I got an own lawyer too. I have to pay for both, of course, as that is the way of the golden children. They should always benifit! But I hope we will come back from the original lie and into more reality now, as their original lie was that they only had oral agreements with dad. Then sister of some reason felt she needed to share she had a written one and that was at first glance both very honest and also kind and brave of her, as mother and brother have both been telling tales a long time there were none. 
I think second brother didn't want his sisters written agreement out as it would not benifit him. I think she's a fool for hiding it, as that is the best thing she has. Concidering the very low value her real estate agent gave her on the house she'll be able to gain atleast 100-200 K from selling the house, but instead she's forced our hands so we had to give an offer on the whole estate. We'd hoped she'd come to her senses and realized she had to reveal the truth and come clean. She should really use the written agreement as all that crap they are spinning now again about the oral agreement is total bogus. They will need to buy everyone off to get away with that. Not only the real estate agent and the lawyer, but also our lawyer, and the courts. To claim in an inherance that a house is yours without any papers to prove it is impossible, so the lawyer has instead conjured up this idea that they have a right to the houses, which we have no right to go against. There are no such rights to property in inherences, except in those cases a person had his or hers permantent living there. A summer house you rarely used and cannot even prove you paid any rent for ever, is like totally crap. Our lawyer laughed at it and refused to believe us when we told him that this was the story our sisters lawyer tried to fool us with. He thought we got it wrong, and I had to read a question I made to that lawyer with his answer to prove he did. I felt almost sorry for our lawyer as that put him in a spot. Lawyers are very sneaky beings and they don't want to mess with another one. Only with regular people. So I comforted him with that he most likely been charmed by my young sister to help her out, as we deserved it, and he looked a little happier. People do crazy stuff when pretty women are involved.

Now this blog is very long and that on purpose. I like doing incredible long and boring blogs, cause I only use them to vent and the longer they are the less likely a narcissist will bother reading them and getting to the juicy parts. As I said mother is stalking my sites and now also my second brother is. I don't think my sister ever would waist her time doing such stupid things, as she already knows most of this as she planned it. Like I said she planned showing me her written agreement and I felt that was very brave of her as she'd been hiding it since 1996. And she definitely had not managed to make mother understand it existed all those years between 1996 and 2012 as she was harrassing me with phone calls complaining about how dad claimed that "sister's house" was his. I jawned and told her that was odd, or something equally uninterested as I really couldn't care less. I had never thought about why he gave her the house until after what happened two years ago. Thinking long and hard I did remember a time when dad said my sis was to move back home. I remember my sis at the same time bragging about what she'd done and that her boyfriend had broken up with her. So she was going to move back home to dad, and that was after his divorce from mother, so it all fits in. Why I don't remember much about it is mostly likely cause my head was like porridge at the time from breast feeding my first born. She rarely slept and was high energy, so I had no energy. She was born in April 1991, two months after mother applied for her divorce, I've figured out now. What real granny applies for a divorce when she's waiting for her first grandchild to be born? 

I looked that up when I read that narcissistic mothers do everything to steal your thunder, and the worst they often know is you having a baby. And that was true. She not only never told anyone else about me being pregnant, she also never asked about test results if I told her I suspected I was pregnant and was going to test me. I also suspect she made it out to people it was a mistake that I was pregnant, and that was the reason I would not speak about it. I believe that as my second brother's soon to be wife once came up to me and said she was very sorry to hear I was pregnant again. Thank god for outsiders who still has not figured out how the bullying and abuse is to be done in our family. Thanks to her I found out they were pretending that my pregnancies were mistakes. What sick bastards. I don't blame the sister-in-law as she's been filled lies about me and most likely heard alot of shit that is not true about me. It's a shame as I really liked her and cared about her, but back in 2000 sometime she told me we could not be friends anymore. That broke my heart, but if that's the way she felt it's fine with me. I don't need friends who does not appreciate me and telling me that she showed me she did not, so I accepted her request to brake off our friendship. However, sometime I forget and I did write her back when she wrote me a mail in 2013 on my birthday. Then I realized she'd recieved all the same smear as everyone else from my sister, her husband and the rest of the hord.
I still don't really blame her as she has her own family and she's not me. I cannot judge those who don't know what I know, and hasn't seen what I've seen. Though it's easy to do, as it's so obvious to me that it feels infuriating humans are so dumb. Sometime I say that I should really just go home again and tell them to erase this program as humans are too crazy to de-program. They are impossible software that are supposed to self reflect and then correct their programming and evolve into better programs, but this whole matrix seems to have been hi-jacked with a virus that makes people into morons. I felt it when I downloaded here, that the minds we get here are too tight, too small. I must think there's some tampering been going on as a world is not supposed to be this stupid. However, some say this is just how it is supposed to be. I hate it. I can't see the point of it all, the pain, the suffering, all the backstabbing lies. Why? I still have no clue why my sister even bothered to show me her written agreement, as then her lawyer told me it had no value. So why show it to me? Why? She could had told us about it and said that she didn't like it and we could had come to an agreement about what we all liked. So why make all the drama up and lie? I just don't get it. It's so mean and nasty I have been concidering she's not a real human being with a living soul. That she might be some kind of test program just running to make people react and do things thanks to her odd behaviors. 

I know it sounds totally wacko, but so is this whole reality when seen from the outside. She might just as well be like the character Mr Smith in the movie the Matrix. Someone doing things as her program tells her to do things, but she has no accountability to what she does, as she has no remorse, no conciousness, but she does have programs in place to mimick all these traits. Atleast she will talk about all of these emotions, but only talk. I think programs know the best how to talk the right words the best and to mimick all the right emotions, when needed. Natural souls are more natural, and not so perfect, if you know what I mean. A natural soul don't produce perfect tears at the right moment and then look stiff as a stick and walk the perfect line and say the perfect speach with the perfect little brake, but programs do. It's called "mirroring" by the way, what I'm describing and it's contributet to people with some kind of disorder that is pathological. It's not called a program mostly, though alot of people speak about these people as acting like machines, like programs, and that they show no signs of having a real soul, but only pretending. There are also many tales about how these "machines" can fool most people into believeing they are the perfect human being, while only a very few can see through them. 

Many only realize the true nature of this imposter when they are targeted by them, as their perfect little face then drop. So, either it's that or something seriously is wrong. Like she's forced to lie by her husband, or by mother or her second brother. All of them are forcing her to lie...? That or she is the one behind all the lying and making them become crazy, believing all sorts of nutty things. Only they know the truth on that one and I'm not a masochist so I will not let them near me to torment me any more. It's like this you see, that every time our sister's lawyer has had a meeting with our entitled siblings our brother sends hate mail. Not in the beginning as the lawyer was first very nice to him too, just like he was very kind to me and our oldest brother, though he totally ignored me. He still did call me after our oldest brother told him he had to. He had by then already months ago had heard my sister's story so I was pretty much cooked, roosted and fried. I was dead, is what I want to say. I had not a chance. But being a positive person I said that the lawyer being also a criminal lawyer must had met good liars before, so he might not be that easily fooled. I hoped that when he realized the truth, which is logical, he'd see that our sister was bullshitting as dad refused to write what she wanted him to write in the agreement, so she rather pretended the spoken promise mother and her been talking to me about, was what was in the written agreement. It was not.
When you are talking to a liar you can repeat the truth again and again, but when the liar knows you are telling the truth and they wish to hide it, they will pretend they don't believe you. There is where we are with atleast our sister and mother. They were both there when our sister lies that me and the oldest brother stayed the night, so they both know that is a lie. They both know who made all the piles of papers in dads house and if our second brother has gotten confirmation from our mother that our sister is telling the truth about this, there is a slim chance he's just lying cause he thinks we are lying. But we are not and never have been. I'd ask him one thing, if he truly believes we are lying about the written agreement - does he truly think our mother is a trustworthy witness? Does she never lie? So she has never lied to him, like ever? So she hadn't lied to her mother telling her that us children didn't help out at all at home and our poor mother had to slave in front of the stove every day, clean and do all the washing and cleaning as we were such lazy children? Oh, that's right. He has forgotten that lie! How can you judge a persons credibility if you keep forgetting all her lies? You can't. My guess is that he's accepted mothers lying so much that he can't see it anymore. He thinks he needs to lie as "everybody lies". He was the one writing to me to not care for what was true or false, like me knowing the truth didn't matter.

I had already broken off contact with him in a mail by then a few days earlier and I didn't read his mail myself, but I was told about it. So I hadn't sent that mail to him, which he replied to. Our sister sent it to him with defaming lies and smears about me on top to make me out as a crazy stalker. That is called defamation as it was not true. And she sent on a PRIVATE mail to lots of people, which is really bad to do. She was the one smearing me, she lied and made me look horrible in her mail, cause she knew I was rightfully upset with her in my mail, and had totally correctly asked her to tell the truth and be honest. To her, personally. You cannot "defame" a person in a personal mail, nore by an anonymous recording only shared with her on a channel with like no viewers. Even if it had been public and not private there were no subscribers hardly and those I had didn't know a shit who I was nore who my family was. It was one weird channel out of millions and they made it out like I had put an add up in the biggest newspaper! Do you know what my sister did? Remade that into her smear campaign about me, as that is what this kind of bullies always do, I've been told. I could not believe she'd do something so vile and evil, but she did. Why? Again, how can I even guess what's in that head of hers. It's like asking me what's in the head of Ted Bundy. No idea how he works as it's too sick for my mind to comprehend. 

Being a psychic I feel what others feel so I cannot even imagine doing hurtful things to others. I think this lack of ability to actually imagine another person doing so horrible foul things to a life long friend and relatived is the reason I brush those feelings off, as I've had them. The feeling something is very wrong with my sister and her husband and that they are up to something and planning something. I felt it on Monday after we've been to the funeral office and we ran into them sitting in their car. Something really odd came over me and I felt they would dislike to see us there, but we still went up to the car to say "hi" and I could tell they wasn't happy to see us again. Just a feeling and you feel you need to do what you need to do, so you brush it off and eventually you are caught in their web of influence and their trap got you. What was I to do? Lie about me reading the paper? Lie about what I remember about the content? I honestly believe our brother understands that I'm truthful and that he just wish to bully me too. That he is mad now that his plan to bully us into submission doesn't work. I think that is the reason he's stalking me now, after not caring before and only repeating our sisters claims of me stalking her as part of their harassment of me. He didn't care then as he knew I was honest and he knew his brother never would lie. He knows us two very well and he hardly knows his youngest sister, so he knows that we are the two who are the idealists and she who is the materialist. He counted on this fact, but he did not know she would show me her agreement.
I'm only guessing here, but I'm sure he knows and I'm sure our mother knows and that she's been convincing him his best option is to go along with the sisters plan to use me as hate object. So he's been helping sister and mother to smear me and convince our poor relatives about our horrible crimes so we will feel guilty and let him have the ugly "outhouse" he wanted to have. He was so mean to dad and his temporary wife that I'm not surprised at all dad refused to give him the lease on the land, that made it out the two buildings were our brothers. He did not sign it what we can see and we have looked everywhere ever after it was found on the computer. When I speak about "we" there are several people involved doing this search for me, as it took me until last year (December) until I could bare to really look at stuff more closely. I was mostly out of the door very fast and did outdoor work the first two years after dad died. But now I feel I belong in the house and need not feel like a snoop for looking at my dad's papers. I've found alot of papers that needed to be found by different people, like my grandson's invitation to his babtism. It was important to see that dad did care, he had written who it was, and he had not thrown away the photo. It was in his home shortly before he died, and someone had hid it among random papers in a drawer where nothing else of the sort where stored.

So I rather not have people stalking my sites as I don't want their hate projected at me cause they don't like me telling the truth. I know my sister doesn't care what I do, as she will claim I'm stalking her and defaming her and smearing her and bullying her without a shred of evidence. It's enough I'm still alive. So what else did she do, after she had taken my PRIVATE mail to her and sent in on to alot of people, adding her smear on top of it? Well, it's pretty clear she wrote some shit on Facebook, playing the victim. Very clever, like bullies of this covert kind always are. They plan their deadly attack so everyone are on their side and then help them do the kill of their target. I've written extensively about bullying on my blogs and website for many years, and there are plenty of examples on different methods to do this. People are mostly sheep and they like to hate silly looking people, so if someone tells them that this person is a really odd person others immediatly jumps in and want to join the bully train. Eventually many will get to their senses and jump off as all they hear are the lies of the true smearer and the target if often not saying much. A few will try to go out and defend themselves, which the bully will salivitate over as that is gold to a real nasty bully. Whatever you say to put records straight, which comes back to the bully, the really nasty bully will turn around and twist so your defense is now harassment and bullying of the true instigator of the whole mess.

That was what happened with my PRIVATE mail to my sister. She turned it around and made her the victim of my abuse, though she knew very well she'd been talking behind my back, trying to make others think I was crazy. She knew that and that this mail was my ONLY mail to her on the issue. I'd mentioned the paper, that was VERY important at that very time, in some vague form or another all together SEVEN times during 1½ months to all my siblings. Never only to her. And every time I only made a brief remark and kept it short and NEVER any personal attacks about her insanity (like she did). I did however tell those that choose to believe her, and not me, that I wanted nothing more to do with them as they'd choosen to look upon me as a foul liar. I will ALWAYS hate them for that for as long as I live, and they are totally right when they mock me for that. Yes, I will hate them and I will be glad when they are no more on earth writing HATE mails to me or about me to others. They are despicable human beings, filled with BITTERNESS and aggression they project unto unsuspecting other people and make others suffer due to their own inflictions of mental illness. For years these people tormented my dad and as I'm a spitting image of him, I guess I've won the honor to be their next target. And I will NOT play along as nicely as that kindhearted man did. 
They took my father from me years ago by their lies and suggestions about me. He saw through it at the end, but I was too hurt to let him back in my life. He let his life be run by the foul lies by that old hag who never loved him. The things she's done and said to other people and afterwards she twists it all around and she lies. I've seen a few such nasty maneuvers by her. She could take anything and turn around into the backward thing, which is why I'm convinced she has some mental issues. So did her family of origin believe so they forgave her all the sick things she said to them during the settling of their parents estate long ago. That's the reason people keep her around, that they think she's not understanding her own actions. That she's CRAZY! I'm not so sure she is, though she makes a very good imitation of a crazy person. So does her golden boy. But they are acting like textbook narcissists. They use all the tactics of a true narcissist where they go from not knowing something to knowing it and back to not knowing it, at a whim. They act like everything is normal after a huge row, pretending it never happened, and if you bring it up they know nothing about it. Then they might all of a sudden defame you about the very issues the row was about, and even frame you for all they'd done to cause the row to begin with. How can all such clearly deliberate things be done by a crazy person?

To me it all sounds like pure evil people as they often will tell you that they don't need to apologize for anything they've done, and that there is no good or bad, no right or wrong, so you have no right to reveal anything as you cannot know what is true. That is gaslighting in it's essence, telling you that you don't know what has happened to you when you were there. Only you can know! In any way shape or form you wish to get a resolution from such lies and framings a narcissistic liar will only try to scapegoat you even more. You are always the crazy one for not letting go of the truth. You are showing signs of mental illness for remembering events as they happened. To not forgive on command, when you are told, you are a bitter old hag. That is all clear signs of malignant narcissism! They will take your healthy, righteous ANGER over the insults and injury they have caused you and turn it around into something as depraved and sick as only their own dark minds are. They will never accept resonsibility for the long pain and suffering they caused you or anyone else they've been harassing and tormenting in their lives. All the terrible things they've done they will frame others for, either straight out or just making it out that it is WRONG to remember, and to refuse to forgive EVIL. To forgive those who don't admit to their actions and don't regret them is the only sin.

Like I've said so many times I'm sure both my mother and closest brother knows by now that I'm innocent and that I never lied and that my oldest brother indeed saw the whole thing and that he didn't lie. So how do you think they react to all that? Ask for our forgiveness? Tell us how stupid they feel for believing the lying cow? No, they keep on making everything much worse for themselves, digging an even deeper hole for them, wherefrom none of us intend to dig them out off. They can sit there and fester in their own refused shame. They should, and since they will refuse they will have to do it eventually. They can NEVER escape it, as they caused this whole mess by pretending to believe a liar and by harassing and bullying the truthtellers. There is a huge price to be paid by those doing that and I'm so very HAPPY I'm not them. They will so regret all they've done as every single pain they've caused another will be theirs to fester in very soon. Really soon for the mother, and she is the worst to blame as she decided to have children when she should not have. She was not healthy enough to have any and didn't want to do the work needed to. Children is not something to dump on the health system, like she did when I was two. She went to them and told that she had had enough and acted like she was a really overworked mother.
Stupid golden children actually believe she is something like a mother. She's a piece of smelly flesh that only cares for herself and that's been the only thing she's ever been. I've tried my damndest to find her soul in there somewhere but all I find is more lies and manipulations and hate. She does things all the time to show me how much she hates me and she can take her hate and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. I've had it with her nasty little remarks that suddenly lands on me when I've been nothing but friendly and kind to her. Cause I've been that for my whole life. I had a dream as a child there was a human in her, and I've been looking for that human ever since, trying to lure it out. But I'm through searching. A real mother would had sat by her daughters side when she was really ill. My mother was nowhere to be seen and if I fell ill when she was here she up and left as her only concern was to not catch whatever I had. One time I had just had a baby and lost alot of blood, so I was very sensitive to infections and when mother was visiting I suddenly got extremely high fever. She up and left and cared nothing that I would have to take care of a new born and a three year old while in high fever. I was bed ridden for 10 days. I don't know how we managed, but I guess the three year old was more mature then her granny.

Many years later when I was taken to hospital in a hurry and given blood transfusions and lots of other treatments to get me back into the world of the living mother never bothered to stop by. She would not visit me until I had said I was well enough to look after her dog a few days. Then she came, dumped the dog, and never intented to come back and get her. After a month she was told to come and get the dog, as I was still ill, but on my mends. She had just pretended to care for me to find out if I was in a good enough state to take her dog. She never told my dad, whom she also visited now and then, about my illness, nore did she speak to other family members about it. It was like the most unimportant non-event, exept when she spoke to me. So I imagined she was talking about it to others, like mothers do, and worried about me. But oh no. She was only trying to worry ME about getting worse, and she has used this illness alot to cause me to worry and question myself. It's even been used to make me think that I'm crazy in my head, just cause of all this blood loss I must be suffering. She wanted me to believe that as she was helping my sister, and helping my sister is far more important then anything else. Apparently.

To all this, being treated like a liar, crazy person, unimportant whether you live or die, such nasty bullies will then project that YOU are the one who is holding grudges and festering in bitterness, for not forgiving all their horrible and nasty behavior. Like I said - doing that is typical for narcissists! I've seen it documented time and time again. These undeveloped souls just cannot admit that they are causing other people pain and suffering, so they call those revealing their evil deeds nasty names and belittles them even more. Like it says they will only worsen their abuse if you call them out, which is why I mostly in my life haven't done so. But... Now we come to the issue of recovering from this kind of lifelong abuse. You MUST admit to all the pain and suffering they've caused you. When you do that you have to take out every occasion you still remember and look at why it hurt you, and what in their behavior it is that you find so harmful. That is when you have to WRITE. You write and write and put all you remember on display. There it is! This is all the shit they have done that I did not like at all. It can be old shit as, of course, they NEVER have regretted doing anything in your whole life to you, so naturally alot of old memories will pop up. But most will be resent as we better remember resent events in details.
After the memories come, the feelings they caused you can be felt and understood, and most important you can see the error in how you were treated and how you would had wanted to react. In many occasions I would had wanted to stand up and walk away, but due to other circumstances it might not been allowed or doable. So one had to endure a painful event and the frustration and anger has to be let out, as there were no admition at the time that the actions towards me was very cruel. It's not only been mental cruelty but a lot of physichal too, as my physichal wellbeing has not been high on the list. I had a stupid idea that my mother, being my mother and being good at acting like she might care a little, actually did care for me. But looking back, with this method, I see clear signs of her not caring. My illusion about her caring was my own projections as I care for my children. Thinking about how I would do if what happened to me had happened to one of my children, I can clearly see that I would NOT have acted like my mother did. There are event after event she did things that was truly neglectful and gave me no support.

One theme I've seen all thrue my life is starvation. She's always claimed she starved as a child, which made me pity her. But she starved me. I've been starved half to death at one occasion even, without her doing a thing. When a son of mine was that ill it took us a couple of days to give him assistance that he needed to turn the tide, but she let me suffer and it took her two weeks to ask for help as I never got better. When looking at my sick son I do wonder what mother was thinking when I in a short while lost 5 kg, and I was already skinny to my bones. Why didn't she go to the chemist and get help within the first days? Why did she force me to go on a long trip while still very ill? That was after about two weeks of not being able to keep any food at all. I'm not ment to die, but somehow I get the impression that she wants me dead, and the universe wont let her have her wish come true. I've already written about the TBC vaccine she hold a secret to me all my life. The one she let them inject me with at the hospital when I was a new born. No wonder she does not want me to dig into the past and no wonder her "pity me" golden boy gets annoyed when I do. This is revelations neither want out, though funny enough I did thanks to the golden boy.

Mother has been telling him about her immunity to TBC for years and warned him not to vaccinate his son as he too might be immune. Not a word to warn me. So my guess is that when golden boy was born she didn't let them vaccinate him, or the offer didn't come at that birth. I don't know as I don't have access to his records. But what I do know is that I was vaccinated for TBC, and thanks to my brother talking about mothers immunity and his sons vaccinations I got the idea to go and check my records. And true enough, I had gotten the TBC shot shortly after I was born. I was very ill after a shot when I was new born, I've been told as a child when I started to question my parent about a big ugly scar on my thigh. TBC vaccines give you a big boil if you are immune, and what I'd had was an enormous boil. But when I asked mother why I had had an enormous boil, she said she did not know! She claimed it was a mystery and that someone had given me an unknown shot. Unknown my ass! It was the TBC vaccin and she must had let them inject me, or she'd been all over the place complaining. She didn't like her new baby as I had one malformed finger. She's been nagging on about new borns lacking fingers ever since, the crazy cow!
By remembering you start to put stuff together and malignant sick people don't want you to get all their little dirty secrets. They fear your remembering and putting pieces together. So when they notice you are writting alot of blogs and are indeed starting to remember far too much, they will do the obvious thing. First they will get a smear campaign going where they claim you are harassing them and spreading smear about them all over the place. As they understand that most people they talk to have not a clue what they are talking about they will make it mysterious, like it's to other people this campaign is directed. Today that is very simple as all they have to do is to say it's on the INTERNET. By doing that they don't have to prove a thing as the net is so vast. They might cut and paste some out of your blogs to prove it further to people. That is the general modus operandi. It's like when my sister took my PRIVATE mail to her and spread it around with loads of smear about me added to the top. That's how they do it. People are stupid and they don't see that it's not righteous anger from them, but desperate rage to silence a person who has all the right to feel righteous anger about the smear and lies been put out by them. In my case it was my sister who was smearing me and lying about me.

The second thing they do when they can't make you close your blogs and go away is normally to start trying to make you think you are the crazy one for writing and thinking and having feelings. That is the other modus operandi. They do this all the time, these liars and cheaters. It's nothing new and I'm sure atleast half of the population sometime in life will be the target of such attacks, as it's common. If you don't have any blood relation with such people you might be lucky and never be inflicted, but many are who happen to go into business with a really nasty one. I will however tell you that just cause a person is tormenting and lying about ONE person does not mean they are doing it to you too. You might have a very tight working relationship with this kind of person, but as long as you do as you're told and you stand your own ground very well, it might work out fine. They will see if you are someone useable and if you are they will NOT fuck with you. If you notice you are in any way WEAK and alone and they have not further use for you and you do something to disobey them that they don't like, everything could turn around in the blink of an eye. You will find out the weirdest things and everything will become nightmarish, until you free yourself from their crazy thoughts.

The best way to get over and get on with your life after such events is to write down your thoughts, emotions and describe the event as clear as possible. Do it to yourself or to others. Sometimes it ends up in Court and you have to describe it there. But as soon as it's over and you understand what has happened to you and they are out of your life, you should jump on the horse and get on with your life. You had a bad turn and you need to understand that it can happen to anyone. These people are predators and they will attack the temporary weak. Think about it as a blessing. Your temporary weakness gave you the opportunity to reveal a liar in your midst! Now that person can be deleted from your life and you can live on with good people. Those actually taking care of you in your moment of weakness. You might had been severely ill, depressed, overworked, poor or whatever and you got attacked. That can happen to anyone and by avoiding predators it's less likely to happen again, as they will cause illness by sucking your life energy out of you. They cause also depression by making you doubt yourself and they will use you, but never help you back and drain your funds out of you. It's a big parasite and nothing else.
Ok, I will stop this marathon rant here soon. As you might guess I don't give a hoot what these assholes "believe" when they stalk my blogs and spread their "ASSumptions" about my mental state from what they read. Only STUPID people "ASSumes" a person expressing angry thoughts is CONSTANTLY an angry person. Only DUMBWITS "ASSumes" that a person writing about memories are constantly brooding on them. Such INFANTILES cannot UNDERstand the FACT that people need to vent their thoughts, feelings and ANGER to get them OUT OF THEM. Not to hold on to them. These silly ASShats actually think that if someone is venting their issues it's cause they are KEEPING them. Which is a contradiction. If you DO NOT vent out the DIRT it will stay and fester. It's after you have vented that the air will get clear and fresh. So venting like this is not to let this shit fester, but to let it out and be out. This is what I REMEMBER, and what I THINK about what I remember. This is my CONCLUSIONS on facts and memories I've encountered. It might not be what some people like me to remember, think or conclude - tough luck for them. Maybe they should get over themselves, get some therapy over their control issues and get a life of their own and stop STALKING me. 

I seriously would appreciate if they'd seize all mail writing to me and to my oldest brother, whom they have been trying to get to with really nasty mails and all sorts of harassment tactics for a long time now. He is not impressed and he does not care for any of it. You doing it - and you know who you are - is only proving yourself being the very ASShats we already think you are by keeping up this act of yours. Go away! Go home and take care of your own business. Our lives are NONE OF YOURS. We know by now very well who you all are and where you come from and we will have nothing to do with people who cannot respect us and treat us like equals. Put downs, made up allegations and all sort of nastyness will not be accepted. It's hateful, mean and it's just plain evil. So again - go away! Must I say it again? I want you all to GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME TO LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE! Do I think these asshats got that sentance? Not a chance! There are no words, no emotions, no reasoning that can make pure utter asshats understand what their targeted "possession" tells them. I was once pressed out of the tight ass of my mother and ever since then she believes she owns my soul. She does not even know my soul. She ASSumes she does, but she does not. Neither does the selfcentered, pathetic son of hers. And sister? Of course she does not care a bit or she'd not CREATED this mess to begin with!

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane