All I wanted was to be allowed to be, and as all small children being picked on, tossed things at, splattered water on, and other irritating actions, I would get angry and cry. And since I did that it was said I was silly and crying all the time, for nothing. So of course her story I was an annoyance, who ungratefully would scream and behave badly when we were alone was believed. It's not a hard thing to make people believe. So I never forget the evening she pretended to take me to the balette school, while she didn't. I never forget it cause after a short while in the basement, where parents and children were hopping around in what clearly was NOT balette, but a common social event for families, with mother hissing to me to go and dance with them, on my own and not like all the other children WITH their mothers, she grabbed me in the arm, draw me out again through the doorway, we'd stood right beside all the short while in the basement, and tossed me into the car. There she screamed like a maniac at me, insulting me, threatening me and promissing me that this was the last time EVER she'd do anything I asked for, ever. She kept screaming for quite awhile as I remember it and it was at this very occasion I was finally, and totally, convinced that my mother was not right. She was definitly not right.
I never ever asked anything like that of her again, only made very quiet suggestions, which each and everyone, always, were belittled and mocked by her. There was indeed always an excuse for not helping me fullfill any of my dreams, when I was too young to do that on my own. And by the time you get to be old enough, well, you know the drill of such mothers... You just have no desires anymore, or have no clue who you are anymore. Cause whatever YOU were, it was not right, and you hid yourself behind secrecy and shame. What you held most precious was nothing, what you loved was ridiculous, whatever was you was not worth mentioning or taken seriously. That is how their mind control works, no matter how much you on an intellectual level realize there is something not right with them. They will make you forget you know this, and make you see things their way. You will believe that their golden children are precious and important, and that you and also other people of their choosing are less and stupid. They will make you believe horrible things about those they smear, and make you think they are the honorable heroes. They will now and then lift up their golden children or other people they adore, but if any of these do anything to upset them, they'll suddenly turn on them.
On several occasions we caught her trying to hit our oldest children and one of them has told us she did hit her behind our backs once. Several years later I brought that up to mother, as she was now trying to convince our youngest child that noone in the family cared about her. I told her to stop with such mental abuse, as that is not much better then when she did actually hit my oldest child and told her I had asked her to do so. That is way too cruel and only ment to brake our bond, which she almost managed as my oldest is very emotional and felt totally crushed by this betrayal of mine, as her grandmother let her believe. Mothers respons to this was to tell me it never happened. When I told her it did and that I had witnesses to this, she laughed as noone dared to speak. They all hid away and said nothing, though they did know I was right, but dared not speak up to this woman. Well, my daughter was so intimidated by her that she even afterwards said that she did not remember anymore, but I think she did not WANT to remember anymore, and hearing her own grandmother deny the event, lie about it, was too hurtful to her. Her father hid away in the next room, hearing everything, but like I said, dared not confront his evil mother-in-law. He said he could not see any use in doing so, as she full well knew she was lying as he'd told her off very harshly when she'd tried to hit the oldest daughter infront of him once.
Mother then resorted into name calling and telling me that I was insane. In my book it's the person not living in reality, but in a fantasy of her own grandiosity, that is the insane one, but if it is "insane" to speak truth and be honest, well, then I'm guilty as charged. Those pathologicals love to call their targets "insane" whenever they are called out on their dirty business. Unfortunatly I didn't break up my relationship with mother at that occasion as I imagined she was truly insane and had several personalities and the one calling me insane had truly, honestly thought so as she had no memory of what that child beating bitch were doing. Shortly after this confrontation my mother suddenly "remembered" a story her mother had told her shortly before she died. My guess mother ment she had been told this story back in 1986, or there about, as my grandmother died early next year. It was now like 20 years later and all of a sudden mother tells me this sad tale about how she as a small child was moved out from her parents bedroom, to the nursery next door, and she was crying and her "beloved" maid smacked her in the face to shut her up. It was a truly sad story and it broke my heart that someone could had done this to a baby, not even two years old at the time.
According to mother her mother had said that after that event she never cried again. So, mother has told me several years prior to when this tale was told, that her parents never beat her, and then many years later she suddenly remembers this tale about a maid hitting her face as she cried, which made a perfect excuse as every time mother has tried to or actually managed to hit my children in the face it's been when they were upset and crying. That is the reason I kept the relationship, cause I felt sorry for her, but she's a psycho therapist herself and if she knew this about herself many years before I ever even had a child, why did she keep hitting my children? Should she not had resolved this issue by then, realizing this forgotten event caused her to get so angry every time a baby cried? Hence raising this issue from the depth of the dark unconciousness up to the awaken self, recognizing the feeling when it came on her and managing to overide the urge to hit the small baby? One would think so, but silly as I was in those days I felt sorry for HER instead of seeing through the obvious sob-story.
These people use sob-stories frequently to make you do as they wish. She lied about the dogs previous owner wanting to put her to death, unless she took over the ownership. That was not true, as I found out when talking to this previous owner the year after I was told the dog-killing story. She was deeply concerned for the dog, and had no intention at all to kill the dog. But it got me really upset, and in shock, that someone can be so cruel to such a sweet dog. These people use tales to swing you over and whatever is your weakness, they'll use that to get their way. They are like teenagers forever, trying to con their parents into all sorts of things, only most people grow up, they don't. Actually I never was a teenager, but that is what I've learnt from other teenagers. I went from a baby to a grown up before I even knew what that was, so I was a very stupid grown up, doing many mistakes a proper grown up would not. Too much on my plate so I stupidly helped out in occasions that made me look quilty, just for picking up the pieces, and not telling anyone about what really had happened, like a child who believes everyone of course already knows that. Children tend to think that way, and hence not explain things, but as an adult you realize others might not know all you know. I did many times realize that too late, and when I then tried to correct people they got very hostile towards me, as they'd been told a totally different story, which they not readily wanted to abandon.
Lets not bang on anymore and publish the article that caught my eye today:
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers–Treasure Your Intuitive Gifts
Intuition is a knowing of the truth that strikes faster than the speed of light. It comes through us automatically like the exhalation of a breath or the blowing of the wind or the crack of a branch of a tree in the forest. Intuition is part of our human nature although most people are unaware or not in touch with their intuition. Some individuals receive intuitive messages but discard them as irrational or strange.
I have known many daughters of narcissistic mothers who, despite all of the painful psychological and emotional issues associated with being the child of a narcissist, have access and use their intuitive gifts. For many it is what allowed them to survive a childhood of maternal deprivation and verbal abuse. Deep inside this small child knew that something was very wrong with her mother’s lack of feeling, cold non connection and cruel behaviors. Some of these daughters blame themselves and believe they are lacking when the psychopathology lies with the narcissistic mother.
Using one’s intuition is a gift that deepens and strengthens throughout life. Intuition communicates in a special form to each individual. Some of us get a gut feeling and know we have hit upon the truth. Others hear a voice that gives them messages of truth, warning, inspiration, creativity. Intuition can be activated by someone with whom we are strongly connected. Intuitions come through when we are in a peaceful state of relaxation, meditation or involved in a creative project. Intuitions are always coming through. They never stop making attempts to get our attention.
Intuition warns us about the narcissist we have just met. We sense this person and know instantly that he or she is not right for us. We feel the powerful sway of the narcissist’s irresistability like an errant tide that is pulling us out to sea. Yet there is a voice (nor our own) that is saying: “Stay away from this person. He/she will cause you pain and trouble. Step away now.”
Use your intuition to heal from your narcissistic mother. Intuition provides us with many ways of separating and individuating from the narcissistic non mother. Ask for healing and listen to the messages that lead you along a different path where you will find your true self more and more each day and through it deep inner peace and the use of your creative and spiritual gifts.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Hope you felt that this strengthened you as to see how your inner feelings might not be totally wrong, no matter how perfect the person who gives you the creeps is. There is really no other rule about these dangerous people then the feeling you have from them. You might feel like they never really listens to you, or that they belittle everything truly important to you. Whatever it is, it makes you sick. That is your intuition speaking in many cases, unless you've been fed alot of tales about this person and it's all these stories about them, with horrible pictures in your mind of their doings, that makes you sick. I'm talking about people you don't really have heard any stories about, but gives you a bad feeling. You might even heard lots of praise about them, and still you just can't bring yourself to trust them. Every piece of your body screams "no". And then, perhaps months later, you realize you've been lied to. Like I did with the dog.
These people discard their pets like they do their partners and children. If it suites them they'll just dump either one on someone else to take care of. Well, their partners they will make pay dearly for ever putting up with them and helping them out and paying for their living for decades. They will make them pay with alot of money and heartache until they die. Most partners to people like this die before their spouses, either they are married or not at that time, as they either have suffered so hard during the relationship or afterwards. Many will escalate their tortue after the marriage is over, not accepting their exes to move forward, re-marrying, and they will turn all their mutual children against their ex. Linda M-L writes alot about that issue as it's the most devestating one as people who truly love their children will be in great danger from them. I've read horror story after horror story how mothers and fathers lost all their children, just to spite them, as their rich ex psychopathic spouses hired hords of laywers to totally take them out of their lives. I couldn't imagine a worse nightmare, and most of the times all the children are fed lies about the parent they are torn apart from and starting to hate them. So sad.
And if the ex tries to apeace the narcissist she or he will trample all over them anyways, and force them to fullfill their own agenda to only care for the special children, the choosen ones, and belittle and ridicule the choosen rotten eggs. It might be in ever so vague ways, but either way the non-golden children are soon left like orphants and have to realize they need to take care of everything themselves. And guess what! The narcissistic parent will then turn that against them aswell, calling them names for trying to be strong and coping. Before you know it you are called such horried things due to that and told you are going to die an early death thanks to all these bad qualities of yours. So first off you are left on your own with no help, and then bashed for working yourself ill by doing it all on yourself. These people are truly sick and since I said so back in 1967 as a small child, I can only agree with that wise babe I then was - as the saying goes "out of the mouth of babes".
Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane