A narcissist is a person who would not mind over-stepping your boundaries and make others think you being ungrateful for not appreciating this over-stepping. There are so many things narcissists do that are totally unbelievable to those who not know them first hand, and to most they go undiscovered, as they are so good at promoting themselves and smearing and demeaning those they are abusing.
Helping people who do not want their help is a very covert abuse and something a narcissist totally would do. Offering gifts you've straight out told them you do not want, and doing it infront of people not knowing this, is another thing they love to do. In that way they will look good and you ungrateful, as you will have a hard time looking grateful.
So here is Lindas piece about how it is to have a narcissistic brother - someone treated like the most precious child in the family and often times by everyone in your surrounding as all has been taught to love and adore this so very perfect person. I have enhanced what I feel is most important in the article. To read the comments go to the link above:
Narcissistic Brother Intimidates His Siblings
Having a narcissistic brother in your family is exceedingly painful and frightening. There is no way of controlling him. If he is the Golden Boy, mom and/or dad view him as perfect and make no effort to create psychological boundaries that must not be crossed with his siblings. He has been chosen for a variety of reasons: he is very attractive, bright, confident, even cocky, has athletic skills and is socially adept. The parents who are often narcissistic themselves and have found the perfect son who reflects them and enhances their external image.
That was the end of this article. In short she wants the adult children to get help from people like herself, and in many cases that is a good advice, but in others the issues are long over-due and the only good advice is to stop enabling your spoiled rotten, selfish golden brother. If he wont listen to you, wont even try to hear what you say and what is going on in your life for real, but rather smear you, make up stories about you with made up assumptions he and his other pathological family members are making up, you are way better without them. As long as you keep them in your life they will find ways to lie about you, telling people they got the information from yourself or someone close to you. If you tell people you have no contact with these story-tellers anymore and neither do anyone who knows anything about you, and anything they might hear about you are just rubbish, made-up stories, you might finally put a stop to their stories.
They will most likely move on to belittle someone else and gossip about some other person they feel they need to put down. That is unfortunate, but it's not your job to be their target. You have a right to not be. So move away and do as she advices you to do; create your own beautiful life with people who will listen to you and will not make up stories about you. There are plenty of narcissists out there so you will run into a few, but none are as hard to get rid of as your blood relatives. Once you've made your peace with your blood, and come to terms with that they will never see you, never listen to you, never care about you for real, anything else is a piece of cake. You will soon recognize your mother in a person and avoid him or her, or you will see your bullying brother in another and stop giving that person what he/she wants. Which is submission. Bullies always want submission.
Live in peace, love and prosperity, knowing what you know and even more importantly, knowing what you don't know to always keep your eyes open and hearing sharp to learn that you still do not know.
Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane