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onsdag 2 april 2014

Narcissistic Brother

This is re-blogged from

The article below is written by Linda Martinez-Lewi and she has plenty of more articles on the subject of narcissism as they are such a huge problem to people due to their lack of empathy for other people. They can act and behave like they did care, but they never really listen to WHAT the other person needs or how they feel. Instead they decide for the other person what they need or feel, which is totally unbearable as noone else but the person needing and feeling something will know what that is. 

A narcissist is a person who would not mind over-stepping your boundaries and make others think you being ungrateful for not appreciating this over-stepping. There are so many things narcissists do that are totally unbelievable to those who not know them first hand, and to most they go undiscovered, as they are so good at promoting themselves and smearing and demeaning those they are abusing. 

Helping people who do not want their help is a very covert abuse and something a narcissist totally would do. Offering gifts you've straight out told them you do not want, and doing it infront of people not knowing this, is another thing they love to do. In that way they will look good and you ungrateful, as you will have a hard time looking grateful. 

So here is Lindas piece about how it is to have a narcissistic brother - someone treated like the most precious child in the family and often times by everyone in your surrounding as all has been taught to love and adore this so very perfect person. I have enhanced what I feel is most important in the article. To read the comments go to the link above:

Narcissistic Brother Intimidates His Siblings

Having a narcissistic brother in your family is exceedingly painful and frightening. There is no way of controlling him. If he is the Golden Boy, mom and/or dad view him as perfect and make no effort to create psychological boundaries that must not be crossed with his siblings. He has been chosen for a variety of reasons: he is very attractive, bright, confident, even cocky, has athletic skills and is socially adept. The parents who are often narcissistic themselves and  have found the perfect son who reflects them and enhances their external image.

He is not taught to respect his brothers and sisters, to be kind, to learn how to be empathic.  The narcissistic brother rules the household by intimidating his siblings. He strikes fear in them, goads them, laughs at them, humiliates them.  Some narcissistic brothers are monstrous. In public they can win anyone over. They know how to make people like them. It is one of their well honed skills that they use to get whatever they want.
I hear and read many life stories of children who grew up dealing with narcissistic golden boy brothers. Some kids hide and stay away from the house as much as possible. Others literally find a place in the house where they will not be discovered. (My comment: this sounds like my other brother who did both at different ages) These children are always frightened, wondering when this monster will appear and terrorize them. Children who grow up in these households are in a state of fight or flight much of the time. They cannot relax. They don’t feel safe or secure. In some instances the siblings create alliances to protect one another.
Some children learn to create entire worlds with their imaginations and to tune out the ugliness of their narcissistic family members. (My comment: this sounds like myself) These kids learn early that they must go it alone to survive. They call upon all of their resources and strengths to get through each day. Many children leave these homes early to escape the wrath of the narcissistic brother and their enabling parents. (My comment: not all narcissists use "wrath" as a weapon, you catch more flies with honey)
I have great respect for the children who must live with these loathsome siblings. They are courageous and inventive. As adults children from these highly dysfunctional families benefit from high quality psychotherapy to work through the core issues of growing up in a constant unprotected psychological war zone. Don’t wait for your narcissistic brother to “get his” as they say. The best way is to create your own life and to be proud of yourself as an individual of integrity with many gifts.
That was the end of this article. In short she wants the adult children to get help from people like herself, and in many cases that is a good advice, but in others the issues are long over-due and the only good advice is to stop enabling your spoiled rotten, selfish golden brother. If he wont listen to you, wont even try to hear what you say and what is going on in your life for real, but rather smear you, make up stories about you with made up assumptions he and his other pathological family members are making up, you are way better without them. As long as you keep them in your life they will find ways to lie about you, telling people they got the information from yourself or someone close to you. If you tell people you have no contact with these story-tellers anymore and neither do anyone who knows anything about you, and anything they might hear about you are just rubbish, made-up stories, you might finally put a stop to their stories. 

They will most likely move on to belittle someone else and gossip about some other person they feel they need to put down. That is unfortunate, but it's not your job to be their target. You have a right to not be. So move away and do as she advices you to do; create your own beautiful life with people who will listen to you and will not make up stories about you. There are plenty of narcissists out there so you will run into a few, but none are as hard to get rid of as your blood relatives. Once you've made your peace with your blood, and come to terms with that they will never see you, never listen to you, never care about you for real, anything else is a piece of cake. You will soon recognize your mother in a person and avoid him or her, or you will see your bullying brother in another and stop giving that person what he/she wants. Which is submission. Bullies always want submission. 

Live in peace, love and prosperity, knowing what you know and even more importantly, knowing what you don't know to always keep your eyes open and hearing sharp to learn that you still do not know. 

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane