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onsdag 2 april 2014

Covert Narcissistic Snakes

Below is a re-blog from: 

This blog caught my eye due to the title - Covert Narcissistic Snakes in Tall Beautiful Green Grasses - as I had a dream about snakes hiding in tall beautiful green grass, trying to kill me who was trying to protect an old horse, which I concluded symbolized my father who had recently died. All that is in the video above for those interested in the dream. It's at the end after I tell what has been going on and my oath that this is what I truly remember of what happened. So the dream is after that, but all before is important to understand the dream as to me what happened was an attack on father and his wish to be fair towards his children, despite of being charmed by some to treat them as more. At the core he was a fair man, and didn't really wish to treat his children greatly unfairly, no matter who he loved most and wanted to be with most. But the snakes in the grass didn't want to honor his wishes and attacked me when I protected his true intent. Hence the dream of me being attacked by snakes when protecting an old, retired working horse. Father loved horses and there is no animal better representing him then an old horse pulling his load and now finally let loose on the green pasture to enjoy himself after a long hard life. 

This blog below is written by Linda Martinez-Lewi and to me it reminds me of what happened when attacked when defending fathers will. One I had no idea being a narcissist revealed himself to me when he attacked me like an insensitive bastard. He had pretended to be so empathetic on many occasions. When I told him about a very disturbing relationship we had to an ex-neighbour who turned out to be disordered in a big way, he was enraged by this persons actions, but over the years he has not only done almost ALL of what this person did, and which he claimed he was so upset about, but he's managed to do it even worse, as he came out as such a good person, caring and understanding. The other person was so clearly instable and a cheating hysterical not trutsworthy person. It was hurtful, but perhaps not that much of a shock how terrible he behaved. Of course, at any occasion a person you care about turns out to be a selfish, hateful bastard, ready to destroy you, it's always a shock. But that person was an obvious flirt, admitting to cheating on his wife, telling disturbing personal details from his and his wifes sex-life to his friends and other telltale signs. 

This person was my brother-in-law who tried to come out as the victim of a cheating narcissistic charmer, who'd fooled him to leave his wife and family, being led on by her, while she never intended to follow through herself. His story was kind of understandable, cause we are only human and anyone can fall in love and be fooled. He made a mistake and paid for it and I didn't think that proved he was a wife cheating, lying bastard. I thought he might perhaps only be naive and romantic, or maybe he didn't really marry the right girl but just a nice enough one to start with. Whatever I didn't put him down as a hopeless case, like my mother and father did immediatly. 

When I first heard about him from my sister she was not that much into him, but then he broke their short fling and after awhile she got flowers on her porch without any name on them. She told me about this and I told her it was that guy she told me about, who'd been fooled to leave his wife, and now dumped my sister to return to this luring mistress once again. She didn't believe me, as she was still not that into him and rather thought someone else must have given her those flowers. She had plenty of lovers to choose from, but I was sure that it was this man who did it, though I at that time never had seen him. You could say that it's my fault she ended up with him, as to her it was magical that I just "knew" it was him. I hoped she was right about the "magic" and hence I told our parents to give him a chance. 

First he seemed really nice, like I said, and very empathetic, but it would change and now in hindsight all the signs were there. I wish I would had understood it earlier, but this perfect guy was just another sneaky covert narcissists and he had no hesitation to attack me like he did when I threatened his plan to get a house for nothing. I do hope he didn't marry my sister due to her constant bragging. She loves to brag and make herself out as so much more then she is. Perhaps that is my fault as I kept telling her when I raised her that she was a wonderful person as I never was told that myself when I grew up and was determined to give her all positive reaffirmations I didn't get when I grew up. My sister is almost a decade younger then me, and I had to take care of myself as the brothers were of no help, being almost as young as me, and mother is a typical selfcentered narcissist who only cares for herself and her own image of perfection. She was good when you were hurt as she loved to put plasters on your wounds and look like a caring mother. She also loved to sing at your bedside at some occasions, either you wanted it or not as that did not matter to her. If she felt like singing she'd sing as long as she wanted. It was of course most of the times very tiresome as I wanted to go to sleep, not listen to all her songs. That is however how narcissists are - it's all about them and THEIR needs. 

This is the article that made me think of both my sister and her present husband - her ex-husband was nothing like this as he was very rude straight out without any false image of caring and being my friend like this false, lying man did: 

Covert Narcissistic Snakes in Tall Beautiful Green Grasses

Do not be surprised or angry with yourself if you have been fooled by a Covert Narcissist. They are among the most clever of beasts. Their image is impeccable. They can be charming in an arresting manner, unlike the grandiose narcissist who is over the top with his/her delusional visions, bombast and extreme demands of self entitlement. No, these Coverts are so slick they suck us in quietly with their pseudo authenticity. They have been practicing this and perfecting it all of their lives. This is how they survived— by being fake but very believable. They are convinced of being genuine with their pseudo humility, truthfulness and fake empathy that feels so real.

I have found that it can take some time to identify Coverts. I have been fooled by them. I was shocked later when I realized their true natures. One man, an acquaintance, struck me as very talented, truly magnetic, even spiritual. He was very handsome to boot. He looked you straight in the eyes and you began to immediately feel that he cared deeply about you as an individual. I have had only a few direct interchanges with him. I came away at first very impressed with his “character” and “empathy.” Had I been in contact with him more often, it is likely I would have seen through him sooner. I made an inquiry about finding a referral to help me with a project. He was very enthusiastic and signaled affirmatively. A bit later he adroitly pulled himself out of the matter. I registered this shift but let it go. The clincher for me came later when I discovered that he revealed his true nature. As part of an investment negotiation the CN cleverly and ruthlessly strong armed the other person involved and threatened to expose some of his personal secrets if he didn’t go along with the Covert’s agenda. The other person was sufficiently terrified and capitulated to this Covert’s treachery.
I have permanently crossed him off my list. No avenging angel will swoop down and deliver him a mortal blow. It is very likely that he will go about unscathed—manipulating most people with his arsenal of magnetism, brightness and irresistible charm.
Those who are closely involved with covert narcissists have a very difficult time. I understand and I am sorry about the pain that you have and do endure. Never blame yourself for not recognizing the true nature of these individuals sooner. When you do, pay very close attention to what your intuitions and observations are telling you.  Remember—self care is essential.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

The important message in this is that you are only a human being and as such it is typical to judge others after your own image, hence you will not without any proof believe evil about others as you yourself has no illwill towards others. Unfortunatly these narcissists are like predators luring on their kill and the coverts use fake empathy to lure you to tell them alot about yourself, which they will later use against you. If you tell them about a lethal illness, like I did to my brother-in-law, he will know that you are feeling vulnerable and use that to make you feel even worse when he believes you are down already. Weak, sick people are easy targets for these vultures. Either they will try to push them to their limits so they will give in just to be left alone, or they will use their illness as an excuse for whatever reactions they might show due to the narcissists actions. 

In my case they claimed I was mentally instable due to a lethal condition I had had a couple of years earlier and been miraculously totally recovered from more then a year ago. Or they claimed I was mentally ill due to my severe grief due to our father dying more then six months earlier. Whatever the excuse they use something they know about you and turn it to a weapon to attack you with and take away your credibility with. Do they know anything about your children and they feel it will make a good excuse, they will use that. Some snakes heard about my oldest son being beaten up in town and used that to make me out as totally wreacked by that experience. 

Instead of doing what truly empathetic people do, and support you and feel for you, these people will take a bad thing and make it so much worse by their evil gossip and storytelling. If they really knew half of the truth they'd have so much leverage on me to put me on a mental institute for good, as I surely could not be still alive as mentally weak I am according to my birth family, but they don't know even half and are making out I'd break apart for a small detail in the whole tapestry. Did they know more they'd use that as proof of my insanity, and never ever once in a million years try to be supportive and loving and caring, like true real family would. 

These people have not a clue about how loving caring families treat each other as they only care about themselves and expects their closest to adore them and do as they are told. No wonder their very few children makes faces and clearly do not feel comfortable with the roles they are given as that is what is demanded of them - to play perfect roles to reinforce their parents perfect fake images. Unfortunatly children to people like this will in most cases protect and honor their parents for most of their lives and only in rare exeptions realize how wrong this is and that most they have heard about their parents targeted individuals are lies, lies and more lies. 

These children rarely ever get in contact with you like others do. They only act on their parents demand and will pretend to be interested in you or care about you, but only cause their parent told them to. After the act you will not hear back from them, no matter what they told you while doing what their parents asked them to. I have never ever gotten an e-mail, phone call or visit from the two children of my golden siblings. Only the children of my other brother have ever shown any interest to keep in contact in the slightest way, or done anything showing they do honestly care for me or my children. And that without interference from their parents, which is what makes it look honest. 

I have never ever seen any of the other brothers children give me an evil eye or talk in an insulting rude way to me. Not at one single occasion, ever. Neither of them are perfect, but that is what makes them perfect, as perfection is to be yourself, with wharts and all. They have never tried to make me do something I do not want to do, which is respectful. Of course one is still very young, but even him and I have found each other and managed to connect honestly. I love children and if I can't connect to a child there is something not right there. In many cases it might be the parents that are not right and they have taught the child to behave this way to you, as they talk down about you and teach the child that you are not someone to respect. Children do as you do.

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane