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onsdag 2 april 2014

Covert Narcissistic Sibling


Re-blog from: http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/covert-narcissistic-sibling-playing-the-meek-card

This blog was spot on about my sister and how she has pitted her older siblings against each other, or atleast TRIED to. She has been very successful for years making our Golden Boy brother attack me whenever she played her pity card. She is a tough girl and she knows I am very sensitive, so she knows that our brothers aggressions against me is one major reason I have been detaching more and more from the family these last ten years. Still she pretends I do that cause "I don't care about family and am selfish" when she complains about it to our relatives.

Our Golden Boy brother had already back in the late 80's done some pretty rude things towards me, like stealing a kitty, ignoring my demands to atleast sign the contract for said kitty, having a fit in the middle of my wedding party due to his new girlfriend, who refused to come to my wedding, didn't approve of one of my guests. He didn't really seem to care about this guest, until his girlfriend minded. A girlfriend who first rudely refused to come to my wedding and then later the same summer stole a kitty from me, as it was actually this girlfriend who stole it. That event was very painful to me and I missed the kitty a long time, and my brother did know how hard I took loosing a kitty as he was there in the early 70's when I cried a whole day when our two kitties were murdered by their new owner. So yes indeed, he knew he was harming me by refusing me to ever never see the kitty again. It was awful by him and he knew it. 

So when our sister pitted this brother at me many years later, after I had hoped all this pain and treachery was left in the past, she brought up my old feelings and I was most upset he could risk his new relationship so carelessly once again. He'd risked it on several occasions by lying and slandering me, blaming me for his own ideas and doings, which made me feel him lacking a back bone and honor. But hope is hard to totally give up, so still ten years ago I hoped our relationship had some vague meaning to this brother. 

As things slowly evolved through the years and excalating last year my eyes have permenantly been opened. He was too glad to attack me and insult me again and again and believing whatever shit she made up. Nowhere do I hear him defend me or even care about the logical reasoning, but blindly and willingly imagine the most erraneous and hiddeous things about me. If she said I did this, he believed with no backing. If I said I had not, and our other brother said I was telling the truth and that he knew this for a fact, he was told he was deluded and stupid for falling for my insanity by this Golden Boy. No facts whatsoever needed for him to both devaluate what I said and our brother. 

This is so typical these dysfunctionals. They just don't function quite right. And they are easily used by a skillfulled covert narcissist, who hides behind the saint image. Our sister is so like this description below it's insane. It's written by Linda Martinez-Lewi and to read the comments you need to click the link above:

Covert Narcissistic Sibling Playing the Meek Card

Covert narcissistic siblings can tear a family apart, pitting one sibling against the other and vying for influence and specialness with the parents. The covert narcissist, unlike his grandiose, magnetic, larger than life brother or sister narcissist, this concealed type is very slippery and difficult to detect. Often he or she becomes the child and later the adult who is needy and at the same time, gives preferential treatment to mom or dad to get whatever he wants. The covert narcissist has a gift for making others feel sorry for him. He prays on the mercy of others and misuses and distorts the true reality. 

Covert narcissists are gifted at inducing guilt in their siblings. Since they are so holy and long suffering they feel entitled to make their brothers and sister feel guilty because they are not thinking of the welfare of others every moment. They emphasize in stoic toned words that they are self sacrificing, that their pain is not inordinate and wonder why the other sibling is complaining so much. She must be spoiled–that’s the reason. “You must be grateful for what you have. Think about others; I do–all of the time. You are so self absorbed I wonder whether you are a real member of this family.” This kind of projective drivel works for the covert narcissist and can be very impressive with her/his parents and other siblings. The child who is the object of this malicious scorn becomes an outcast.

If you were forced to play this painful role in your family, I am deeply sorry about all that you have suffered. You were trying to survive and you did. As you heal, remember that you had no choice. Now you do. Look deep within to that small child who is needing your warm support and approval to be your real self. You have always been the authentic one throughout your entire life. I marvel at your courage. Time to fully come into your own and know that you deserve to stand tall with hands in triumph reaching for the skies.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.


Hope you enjoyed the blog and my thoughts and memories. Always remember that whatever you have lived through it is YOUR life and experience. They never have to be the worst, it was YOURS, and that makes them good enough to talk about. Those telling you that your memories are nothing special are lying. Everything YOU experience in YOUR life is very special as that is the content which makes up your life. It might not be anything special to anyone else, but in many occasions you would be surprised how much comfort other people feel when they realize that other people also have issues that they have lived through and come out on the other side of. Weird as it sounds it gives comfort that other people also experienced things that was maybe not over the top horror shop like, but just very crazy and insane to them personally and emotionally.

Gaslighting is a very typical method by these sneaky covert narcissists, and sneaky as it is, it is less obvious and hence a mighty dangereous weapon. My guess is that it is a weapon that has made many sensitive people commit suicide as it leaves them totally bewildered and looking like the lying lunatics. It is devestating for the target of gaslighting. It can be hid behind caring and it can drag in every person you know. Everyone might think you have gone bonkers, and how much you try to keep what really happened in your mind, you still might start doubting yourself and eventually this doubt will manifest in depression and who knows where these sick peoples mind games takes their targets.

Like I said, many eventually after years of torment commit suicide, which I'm sure makes these narcissists very happy as a close relatives untimely death, after such tradgical mental illness, is a great source of more pity and empathy from others. What more can such a person ask for? So never ever commit suicide as that would make them happy, and who wish to make truly evil people happy by hurting all who truly love? Cause be sure, there are people who love, there are always people who love, though we might forget as we are so overwhelmed by those who do not.

Ingis Erlingsdotter - Magnolia Lane